The Spine of Eight Books

If there was a prize for struggling Grace would win it. Recently her mom has passed away and she fell into some sort of a depression. She didn't want to label it depression because she never got formally diagnosed but that is what it felt like. She hasn't moved from her room in days, she can't remember the last time she brushed her teeth and she felt like her world was collapsing on her. Abby, her girlfriend wanted to help her so bad but she was on a business trip in New York and wouldn't be back for another 3 days, but they spent almost every second they could on the phone with each other. 

"Baby this isn't healthy, go see a doctor" Grace could feel the sadness is her partners voice and hated making her feel like this but she knew she needed the support. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll just sleep it off” she mumbled back lying on her unmade bed. They both knew that was dumb because she has been doing nothing but sleeping and ordering pizza to her apartment. Clearly sleeping it off wasn’t working because Grace felt no better after a 12 hour slumber. Abby sighed in the phone “Wait Gracey, I’m getting a business call, I’ll call you back later. I love you.” And the phone hung up with a click. 

Grace rolled over to the other side of her bed, which was about the most exercise she has done today and she has already been up for 3 hours. Her whole body ached afterwards and she already wanted to go back to sleep. She stared at her wall for a good 5 minutes before she rolled back over to her back to stare at the ceiling. “Maybe I do need help.” She said to herself and the tiniest bit of motivation arose in her as she stood up to grab her phone and immediately laid back down on her bed and sunk into the mattress. 

She didn’t really want to eat. She lost that feeling when she lost her mom but she knew she needed to eat so she ordered 3 spring rolls and 2 dumplings off of skip the dishes and then patiently waited until they arrived. She ate slowly and felt like throwing up after but made herself keep it down. Then she grabbed her phone to scroll through her Instagram feed for the 200th time today. It was the same thing it always was. People having fun and doing amazing things or good food or someone with a better body than hers. The lazy lifestyle she was currently living has taken a toll on her and she looked like an absolute mess, she envied all the put together people on her social media. 

While scrolling and feeling worse and worse, an ad popped across her feed. Maybe Instagram has noticed that she has been on her phone far more than she normally has and needed a little support because she came across a self help book. One for treating grief and sadness. So perfect for her that it was almost scary. She read the description and was intrigued. She definitely still needed a doctor but this was a step in the right direction. Maybe this would be the open door to her finding her motivation and living her best life again.

She opened the Chapters website and went to order it but she stopped herself. Maybe she needed to push herself and actually get out of bed. She couldn’t rely on a book to help her, maybe she needed to help herself. Grace somehow got out of bed, put on some clean clothes (She has been wearing the same sweats and a hoodie for the past three days) ,brushed her hair (and her teeth!) and grabbed her keys. It was so incredibly hard. There was a ton of times where Grace almost gave up and she did have to lie back down a couple times and there was some tears shed but in the end she did it. She has never been so proud of herself. 

Right before she was about to leave the phone rang. It was Abby. Grace answered it right away. 

“How are you feeling?” Abby said, quite sympathetically. 

“I’ve been better, but guess what?” 

“What” 

“I’m leaving the apartment!”

 “No way! That’s great I’m so proud of you!”

“Yeah! I have my keys and clothes on and I’m about to leave.”

“I won’t get in your way then. Goodbye my love.”

Grace made her long walk to Chapters. Actually it was only 15 minutes but for someone who hasn’t left her apartment in days, it felt like an hour. She searched around the giant two story building for the self help section so she could find her book. It was hard but she ended up asking an employee for the location of the book. When you haven’t made any face to face contact with a person other then the delivery man in a week, it’s hard to talk to a stranger in a public place. Eventually though she was there. 

Grace loved running her fingers against the spine of books. She ran up and down the aisle, since it was empty, and just dragged her fingers up and down the books. When she started on her search for the book, it didn’t take her long to get side tracked. Amazing books for just her needs leaped out at her. Eventually she had eight books, including the book she originally came for and left one hundred and three dollars poorer than when she came. 

As soon as she came home she pulled all her books out of the bag and looked at all of them. Some were about self confidence, some were about grief and others were about happiness. All areas Grace needed help in. She picked up the book she originally intended to get and pulled it on her lap. She opened the book and read a few pages and just like that new emotions flooded Graces brain. She couldn’t put the book done and a few days later when she was done, Grace was a new girl. A new sense of happiness and a new sense of dealing with her grief overcame Grace and when Abby came home she was pleased at what she saw. After a few counselor visits, a few more self help books and a whole lot of self care Grace was feeling herself a little more and could even return to work. Abby was proud and her mom would be too.