THE BIG CHILL

THE BIG CHILL (or REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD)

“Look at the calendar. Look!  It’s been two long years to the day that I’ve been locked up been in here! I shouldn’t be here at all. Ed, I know and I know you know in your heart of hearts that I had nothing to do with that hold-up. Why would I, a man of lifelong good character, a man of principle, a professional chef, even consider such a criminal act like bank robbery for one minute? Why?”

“Yeah, I know, Jacko, of course you are innocent. Everyone in this joint is innocent, and every guy in here is the victim of a frame-up. Or some kind of misunderstanding.  How many times do you think I’ve heard this? A thousand times maybe?  But the cops saw what they saw that night at the United Bank.  Has it been two years? Actually, I’m not thinking about crime.  I’m not looking at the date on the calendar. I’m looking at the picture .It’s making makes my mouth water. What is that?”

“Oh, the dish for January on my chef’s calendar?? That’s a tiramisu. I’ve made it a number of times  when I worked in upscale restaurants. It’s what you might call a rich person’s dessert. You’re not going to get it in a place like this! Who’d appreciate it anyway in this greasy spoon lock-up?”

“Tira what?

“Tiramisu. It’s a decadent  kind of layered cake.  You know, it’s made with sugar, eggs, the best chocolate, heavy cream, a special cheese called mascarpone, brandy, espresso, oh, and ladyfingers. “

“Woo hoo! Fifth Avenue fancy! Sounds like a desert to die for!

“There’s a story behind it. Supposedly it originated in the 1700s in Tuscany         to    celebrate the visit of the Grand Duke Cosimo di Medici. But other history buffs say it was invented in Treviso in the 1960s by the restaurateur Roberto Linguanotto. Who knows for sure?” 

Other folks say that tiramisu was created in brothels as an aphrodisiac. The name means  "pick-me-up" or "lift-me-up". “

“Well, it sure beats pie a la mode! But, it’s time to get back to reality, Jacko, it’s time to let you out of your cage.  It’s your turn at the grill,  my man, The guys  are getting restless for their chow. It better not be pork and beans again.”

“Wait a minute. I have an idea, Ed. Hear me out. I’m gonna lower my voice for a little privacy. If you could put your hands on those ingredients I just mentioned, I could whip up a tiramisu just for you, one you would never forget. You know, when the circumstances are right—some dark night after hours in the kitchen. I know you have the keys to a lot of doors around here.”

“Oh yeah and what’s the quid pro quo? You’re thinking of this as a ‘get out of jail free’ card for yourself? And I go from being a guard to an inmate??? That’d be a big price to pay for a fancy dessert.”

“Hey, what’s your worry? I don’t have super powers. I’m not going to fly out of here  and whatever you want to believe--I am still not a criminal! But I am a five- star chef. Nobody creates a gourmet dessert like me, Chef J!   See those photos next to the calendar? That’s me, Chef J. making Cherries Flambé! At the Three Seasons in D.C. And that’s me in the next one making a three cheese fondue at the Cup and Tusk in Central Park. Think it over. Live a little! It doesn’t  have to be all pork and beans! “

NEXT DAY

“Rise and shine, chef J, what were you dreaming about? Eggs benedict for breakfast with, what do they call it, hollandaise sauce? Ha! You won’t be getting it here this morning or any other morning. I bet you can’t wait to get in line for a hot dish of steamy grits. It’s not good but it’s good enough for criminals like you. Ha ha!”

“I’m not a criminal. I didn’t hold up any bank. How many times do I have to say that? But my offer still stands. What are you afraid of …getting caught? I thought you knew your way around these fools.  You said you could call the shots whenever you needed to with these penitentiary dummies!”

“I can. I do. It just seems like…look,  I got 20 years of seniority here.”

“I thought working here would make you tough as nails. “

“It has, listen, you don’t know me. I know where I could get that stuff…. You know, even the brandy. I know guys who owe me.”

“So, are we on? Next time I see you, let me know the time! You are not going to regret this decision, or this meal.”

NEXT DAY

“What do you think? Took almost an hour but it Looks pretty good, am I right? Good job you did tracking down all the ingredients. When I get out of here, you can come work for me.

“Go ahead, dig in. Have another piece. There’s even some brandy left. What the hell! Let’s celebrate. Smells great, doesn’t it? It’s your dessert, your treat. It’s all for you.

“Gotta hand it to you, it is something else, this tira…whatever. It’s hot in here. I gotta rest a minute.”

“What’s the matter? Was it that second big piece? You look drowsy, Ed! Oh, I forgot to tell you about the secret ingredient I added.  A little sleeping potion. You know, we chefs always like to add a surprise to our creations.

“Sweet dreams, sweet dessert. Go ahead take a nap. And how convenient, you jailors just leave the keys to the kingdom hanging out of your back pocket.  You’d make a terrible thief, Ed! And you call me the criminal??? Criminal! That’s what you’ll be saying when you wake up. And I’m gone.  

“Sorry, Ed, I really didn’t do the crime, but I served the time anyway. It’s all good. You got the cake, and now I got the key.

“You know what they say--- revenge is best served cold.  Bon appetit!”