The purple talking thing

The morning of the trip. As I brush my teeth, I feel those butterflies in my stomach. The bad ones. 

My mother. Buttons up my shirt. Keeps looking me in the eyes. Smiles. Smile of support. 

In the car, I look through the window. I try not to think of what is coming. My focus on the trees. 

On the parking lot. A few meters away from us the bus. My mother. She talks to someone. She is so tall. Her shadow protects me from the hot sun. I look at her great hand around my tiny hand. My fingers so small and short. Her thumb gently goes over my fingers. She still talks to someone but keeps holding my hand. I lean my face on her great hand. I close my eyes. 

The person whom she talks to says aaawww. Their steps fading away. I keep my eyes closed. I feel a wave of air. Her great hand moves. I open my eyes. Her eyes closed. Still the smile on her face. She is crouching next to me. She has her face leaning on my hand. I laugh. Silently. I laugh in a way that my whole body moves. She feels that. Opens her eyes. In her eyes I see my face. Her eyes dark brown. My eyes dark brown. 

The engine turns on. I have my head turned around. I turn back to her. Her eyes also on the bus. Only for a split second. She goes back up. I sometimes wonder if she could reach the sky. She is so tall. I am back in her shade. I move my head back, so I can keep looking her in the eyes. 

She has my backpack on her right shoulder. Takes it off. 

“Let's check if you are all packed” 

She comes back down. Another wave of air. 

“You have your sandwiches, your snacks, your puzzles, and your… aha! Here it is! The most important of all, your notebook! You have your pencil case” 

She looks again at the bus, and then back at me. 

“Listen…” Puts her great hand on my cheek.

“I know you do not want to be here, and that is okay. What I want you to do is take care of yourself. And how do we take care of ourselves?” 

I smile. Her eyes focused on my next words. 

“By writing things down” 

“Exactly!” 

“No matter how you feel, write it down. Even if you do not have the words, make them. As we did for my bravecase” She smiles. 

Her bravecase. The case that made her feel brave whenever she would go to work. Because I cannot pronounce the real word. 

She hugs me. I can hide in her arms. They are so great. So long. They can probably wrap up the whole world. I put my arms around her neck. I feel her breath on my back. 

I go towards the bus. Backpack on my shoulder. My steps heavy. I turn around. So tall. Standing straight. Follows my every step. Nods to me. 

“Gagi, do you have your watch?”

I look at the blue casio on my right wrist. 10:00. 

“Yes mother” I raise my hand to show her. 

“I will be here at six. When does time fly by?”

“When I write” 

She smiles. Has her left hand on her necklace. She does that when she thinks hard. 

Loud inside of the bus. Things fly over my head. Some hit my head. Our teacher tries to keep everything in order. I look around. My eyes catch the one sweet spot. In the back. The seats torn. I rush. Even when I move, they still hit me. No matter what I do, they hit me.

I finally sit down. Two seats for myself. I am happy. I instantly forget about getting hit. I am next to the window. A torn curtain. I remove it. I look through. My mother next to our car. The car is greater than her. Maybe she is great and tall only to me and objects of my size, because I am small. She waves to me. She put sunglasses on. Looks kool. Does not seem right. I look down at my notes. Kool? Or cool? Kool sounds more kool. Kool it is. 

I lean back in my seat. I write down the things that I see. How I feel. The only object that knows my secrets. My notebook. I write in code sometimes, in case they take it away from me. Cloudy day. We leave city. Straight road ahead. 

My teacher checks on me. I tell her that I am okay. I am not okay. I say that so I can be alone. A lot of trees next to the road. I wonder what the trees hide. 

The road goes up. Curvy. Some get sick. We stop. As the teacher looks after the sick, I find a place away from them. Close to the tall trees. I look up to them. The air so… so… What is the word? New? Unpacked? 

A strong push. I fall down.

I get up. I am pushed again. I fall again 

“What will you do now? No teacher, no mommy, no daddy to save you” He turns around to look for the teacher. She does not see us. I look for my notebook. On the wet ground. I try to reach it, and he steps on my arm. It hurts. 

Cracking in the forest. I turn to my right. Purple. Behind a tree. Hiding. “Fight back” I blink. Still there. “Use your teeth” Sounds like my mother, but it is not my mother. 

“Use your teeth” Repeats. I look up to him. I look at his other leg. I bite it. His scream scares me. He falls on his back. Holds onto his leg. I pick up my notebook and my pen. I take my backpack. The thing still there. I go towards it. I see the teacher going towards us. I rush towards the thing. Still behind the tree. I start running. 

“Gagarine come back this very moment!” My teacher yells. I do not care. I am also scared like ever before. Does not sound right. Never or ever before?

The purple talking thing starts moving. 

The climb. I am running out of breath. The air… I still cannot think of the word. Impactful? New word that I learned this week. The air is impactful. I feel hot. The words of my teacher… What is the verb? That thing when you say a word loudly, and you can keep on hearing the word go on and on. 

I stop. I have to take a break. My legs are shaking. I take off my backpack. Then my jacket. I put the jacket on the ground. I sit on it. Mother would be proud. I look around for the purple talking thing. Nowhere to be found. I look down where my classmates are, and where my bus is. Trees. So many trees. Time flies by when I write. 

As I write down everything that just happened, I hear cracking. I turn around. Purple. Behind a tree. It has eyes. 

“The air is fresh.” Whispers.

“Thank you!” I immediately write it down. 

“Why are you writing it down?” It asks me. 

“Time flies by when I write” I do not feel so hot anymore. I drink some water.

“That is quite an observation from someone so young” Still hiding behind the tree.

“Thank you. Why are you purple?” I turn around to face the purple talking thing. 

“I felt purple today, and went with it” It smiles. 

“Can you change colors by will?” I ask.

“Yes. Do you want to see?” Its voice is slightly louder. 

I just nod. It changes colors. Pink, dark pink, light pink, yellow, dark yellow, light yellow, all kinds of blue, all kinds of orange, all the colors. Goes back to purple. 

I laugh out loud and clap. 

It comes out from behind the tree. It levitates. A few steps away from me. 

“What are you? Where are your legs?” I look at it with amazement.

“I am a lot of things. Today, I decided that I wanted to levitate” Big eyes. Its body long. Looks stretchable. 

“So you can decide what you want to be, or how you want to be?” 

“That is right. You are so smart” Blinking. Not taking its eyes off of me. 

I laugh. “Thank you. You are so interesting” 

“How come you are so polite for your age?” Blinking.

“My mother taught me how to be polite” I say proudly. 

“She is quite the teacher, and you are quite the student” 

It comes closer to me. Interested in my notebook. As we talk, it keeps breaking away from the eye contact, and looking at my notebook.

“Do you know how to read?” I ask. 

It looks at me, then again at my notebook. 

“Of course. I love reading” 

“That is amazing! I feel silly for asking you since you can be anything or anyone”

“You are not silly. I like questions. Why do you write down everything we talk about?” 

“I am good at it. This is what my mother thinks. She thinks I should be a writer. She loves to read my stories, including my notes. She thinks writing will help me get to know myself” 

“Wow! Your mother is so smart” It nods, but its head nor neck is not defined. But I somehow know that it just nodded. “Can I read your notes?” Asks me, almost whispering. 

I swallow. I look down at my notes. 

“Yes, of course. Give me a second” I erase the sentence which says that I should not be talking to strangers as my mother taught me. That is dangerous. I am breaking that rule. But I do not want to hurt purple talking thing’s feelings. 

I hand him over the notebook. 

“Thank you” It does not have legs or arms, but out of its levitating body it stretches out arms. Arms that have hands with five fingers. Gently, it takes the notebook from my hands. 

Still levitates as it reads my notes. “You write so well. Your mother must be so proud” It turns the pages.

“Yes, she is. I love her a lot” 

“And she loves you” Looks me in the eyes. Smiles. Minutes pass. It reads my notebook quite carefully. Sometimes it brings the notebook closer to its eyes. Opens its mouth to read. 

I open my backpack. Hungry. I eat the sandwich. It looks at me. 

“Oh, are you hungry?” It asks.

“Yes, but do not worry. I have plenty of food in my backpack. What do you eat?”

It closes my notebook and puts it next to me. Without touching me. 

“Well, I can eat whatever I like. But, I have no need for food or eating” I almost choke on the sandwich.

“What?! You are never hungry?!”

“Never. I am fine without food. I eat out of fun. Because it feels good” It stops levitating and lowers itself onto the ground. Its body acquires legs, and it crosses them. Directly sitting in front of me. 

“I can eat a tree, a rock, a tiny snail, whatever. But, I am never hungry” Plucks a flower. 

“You can eat a tree?” I ask with my mouth open. 

It gets up, still having the legs. Pulls the tree out of the ground, and shoves it inside itself. 

My mouth still open. I laugh and clap again. It bows to me. 

“You are so amazing”

“Do you want to go to the top of the mountain?” It points to the top.

“Yes!”

“From your notes, I understand that you like horses”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I know what is coming, and I cannot contain my excitement. 

“I will turn into a horse, but with a surprise!” 

I put my jacket on. My backpack on. I check the time. 13:00. 

I see a horse in front of me. A purple one. It sits down. I climb up. 

“Hold onto my hair. Hold tight” 

It starts running. It is fast. So fast. I hold on tight. I am scared and excited. It acquires wings. 

The wings start flapping. We go even faster. I look around. Just for a few seconds. I am in the sky. Among the clouds. Beneath me the tall trees. I cannot look ahead. The wind is strong. Or the air. Hits my eyes sharply. Or what is the other word…? 

I can only look to my left or to my right. Trees. Look so small. I look down. Something yellow. Could be the bus. I smile to myself. Happy to be so far away from them. 

My hands start hurting from holding onto purple talking thing’s hair. Or mane. But, I think mane is used for lions. 

The cold and strong wind stop. I open my eyes. We are still in the air. It is not flapping its wings anymore. I look around. Rocks. Some trees. It slowly takes us down. Its legs on the ground. I can finally let go of its hair. 

Helps me get down. My legs shaking from holding onto its large body. 

“We are here. Are you well?”

“Yes. That was so much fun. Thank you!” I turn around to hug it. Since it was still in a shape of a horse, I wrap my arms around its leg. It wraps its great wings around me. We stay like this for a while. I feel its breath all over my body. I stay like that until fear has passed. 

I let go. Through twitching and twisting, it goes back to its usual shape. 

“Look over. Do not fall. Here take my hand” I hold its newly acquired hand, and we look over. Hundreds of trees. Maybe even thousands. Fog around trees. We are on top. 

“Do you like it?”

“Yes. It's quiet. The air is fresh”

Smiles at me. 

“Do you come here often?”

“Yes. Every day. I like to come here to think. I become so quiet that other animals pass by without even noticing me”

“I see. I also like to think”

“I know. Will you write about this as well?”

“I will’ We sit down on a nearby rock. I take my notebook out.

The last sandwich. “Do you want a half?” I ask.

“No…” Unsure of its answer. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Well, what's in it?” Looks away.

“Turkey, cheese, salad, pickles, ketchup” 

“Yes, please” 

Reshapes its hand into a knife. Cuts the sandwich in half. 

Smells it. Inspects it. Starts eating. Does not like the pickles. 

“Is it okay if I throw these away?”

“I like pickles. Can I have yours?”

“Yes”

I eat the pickles. 

After a while, it says

“You have to stand up for yourself. I would not bore you with my strange presence, but I cannot stand bullying. I had to interfere”

“Thank you. That was the first time I hit back. Uhmm, did you have the voice of my mother at any point?”

Stops eating. Looks me straight in the eyes. 

“Maybe… But, promise not to let them hit you again. Hit them back” It is more powerful than I ever thought. I want to ask more questions. How does it know the voice of my mother when he has never met her, can it maybe go inside of my brain? I decide not to ask. 

As I think, looks at me from the side. Without directly looking at me. It might be able to read my mind. I stay silent. I try to make my thoughts silent as well. 

“You also have to be a bit more loud. Not so quiet.… I have a good exercise where we can make you a bit louder” 

We go to the edge. It screams loudly. Some birds fly away. With its hand, it tells me to do the same. We spend the next few minutes screaming. 

It shows me all the other things it can do. 

I look at my watch. 17:00. 

Tired. I lean onto it as we sit on the edge. It talks to me. Its voice fades away. Gagarine, it calls to me. 

I feel its arms around me. I am carried. I feel the wet ground. My shirt soaking it in. Gagarine. Someone calls me. 

I open my eyes. 

My teacher. Her face above me. I am laying down. The tall trees above us. 

“Do you hear me, Gagarine?” 

I nod. I feel weak. She helps me drink water.

“Gagarine, after getting into a fight with Artjom, you ran off into the forest. You were gone for an hour. Can you tell me what happened?” 

“The purple talking thing… it… We were on the top” Too weak to talk. She talks on the phone. Mentions that I might have suffered something starting with a c….?  

Is she talking to my mother? 

In the bus. We are going back. I look at him. He does not look back. The lower part of his leg wrapped up in bandages. 

The other one throws something at me. 

“Stop that! Do not throw things at me!” I hold my notebook. I intend to throw it at him. Surprised by my reaction. He looks away. The whole bus looks at us. A faint smile on my teacher’s face. 

In the parking lot my mother. She rushes towards me. We hug. 

In the car. 

“Your teacher told me you stood up for yourself” Smiles. 

“Who is the purple talking thing? Is that a new story?” Her eyes on me, and then on the road. 

“Maybe. It taught me a lot”

“Who? The purple talking thing?”

“Yes” 

“Well, it is you who created it. Maybe it was just you the whole time. But, the more courageous version of you” Her eyes on me. 

“Courageous?”

“Brave”