My God , I’m your fool!

Fool me once .....

Fool me once :

I wouldn’t even blame you ; I’d blame myself thinking I should have seen the signs ,

focusing on how I could be that dunce.

Fool me twice :

I’d expect you to think you were already on thin ice ,

instead of just believing I’m just not that nice.

Fool me thrice :

rather than realizing you have issues ,

why would I choose to think it’s my fault for I’m the cause of our relationship lacking enough sugar & spice.

Fool me for the forth time :

I still can understand your immature boy’s toys thought process while claiming you’re a man

 / this was not & will not be the plan ;

I’m now getting older , not wiser and certainly no longer in my prime.

Fool me for the fifth time finally : 

that’s it ..... you’ve actually convinced me that the problem is me ,

I’m so concerned trying to figure out all that’s what’s wrong with me I can’t even contemplate your lack of loyalty.

Fool me now six times (twice as many as the third time’s’ the charm) : 

I’ve reached that point of not being able to phantom the hurt you’ve cause me because I’m too preoccupied planning and panning out my own self’s harm.

Fool me yet again seven :

I still so blind by my undying love for you, you handsome Devil with a dead heart that I can’t see just how badly you ruined me because I’m too busy continuously falling apart,

allowing your hell to take out what was once my heaven.

Fool me now number eight : 

I begin to question if this constant cycle of pain is simply part of my fate as I start to fight the losing battle with my own fate ,

forcing me to tell myself Ive burnt to learn too late.

Fool me frigging nine : 

I’m certainly certified no longer in my prime, barely have a dime but still scraping to pay umpteen amount in a fatal fine that cost almost a decade of time, found my lost self paying the price that I couldn’t even dare to care if I could even afford despite never once committing the crime, standing on the edge of the cliff watching you jump carelessly back and forth over the clearly carefully drawn line .....

all while still hoping / praying / wishing for I don’t know what other sign.

Fool me believe it or not ten : 

watching the scattered shattered pieces of my never-ending always & forever breaking heart I can barely admit to myself “again” ,

I become beyond absolutely disgusted by myself over taking into consideration your endless heartless actions all the while trying to hide that deep down in the dark abyss of a heart I once had but now I miss ..... feeling as if it was as it is , possibly pretending there was some sort of plausible reason for the pain being inflicted by the person I thought was my Godsent.

Fool me for the 11th : 

“What the hell is this ..... 

even after all the many times I’ve been to and through back and forth in hell with and for you, forgiving you and forgetting & forsaking my own heaven!

When the hell did I become like this .....

is there any explanation for all my unwanted experience delivering me to desperation from what was driven?

How the hell am I suppose to accept this .....

especially when there’s not one ounce of respect left for myself after you’ve never once failed to show not a single sense of remorse time after time even after seeing me day and night after night in the despair of depression!

Where the hell will this supposedly be going.....

is there any point of time that anyone can possibly please point out to me as to when I’ll finally be ready to learn this discriminating horrific lesson?

Why the hell is it that this what it’s come to.....

I’ve honestly tried all I could do!

still my heart no longer bleeds red as due to all the beating sessions you brutally handed out with it hanging on a silver platter leaving me to be a wreck of a reckon.....

Was this all my doing / did I look for this?????

I still can remember how the hell I ended up here from just one kiss!

at first when you made me a fool I knew I was younger so I guess I foolishly thought it was cool 

but now that so much time have been lost I can’t help but wonder how you manage to be so completely cruel.....

when I was supposed to spit on you ; you ended up making me drool.

you made up a multitude of multiple unreasonable reasons trying reason with me that i somehow had a part to play in your playing your games even after I slayed all my dragons and let you win the jewel.....

I wanted nothing more than to walk hand and foot with you through thick and thin and everything else in between that to me the outline of the drawing became blatantly unseen ,

clouded by my nice dreams and naughty desires I couldn’t see you weren’t even walking in front of me ; you were riding me like your own personal mule.....

your charming ever changing bipolar self succeeded in breathing air into all of my fantasies before turning them into your very own playground where you’d bury my feelings 129 feet below the ground;

each and every place all round you tricked me into seeing as sooooo right, right before you’d wrong me : from the bedroom to the bathroom , for the car to the kitchen , from the couch to the closet , from the beach to the balcony , from the jacuzzi to the pool.....

not to mention my rapid loss of what could have been / should have been / would have been real friends (even fake family) or atleast one true friend, 

from me sadly starting to study you more than I ought to ; leading me to stupidly drop out of school.....

I became less than that of a door mat for with that you’d pass once a day in one way ;

I was lessen to something you’d only use when you needed fixing , no different than from when you car wanted tuning : I’d be the tool.....

However , as the saying goes - “all good things must come to an end” and with it ; its high time I said goodbye, this time to my worst enemy dressed as my most lovable friend!

I believe it’s better later than never and with that in mind , I hope you don’t mind that I’m done with being mentally used and emotionally abused by you being nothing than bitter!

Look I’m sorry about your childhood story but you need to get to terms with it ; besides finally manning up before you properly become an old man and blaming the right ones who wronged you and accepting that when it comes back to those times back in time i didn’t do you shit.....

Other than that , another thing you most definitely should start wrapping your screwed up head around is the fact that unlike the other or others I was never the one that went around or was passed around , I faithfully stood proud and tall despite each of your unfaithfulness and always gave my all.

I’m the one you forever kicking down that still never once wished you bad and will continue to catch you every single time you fall!

For so long you’ve fool me : that’s what they say for it’ll seem that way , yet today before I say “so long you, my fool” there’s one thing I must share with you before I go my own way .....

“I was a fool , yes it’s true 

but I could never be as big of a fool like you!

You ruined me ; the one just wanted to make you happy , the only one that actually loved you truly , madly , deeply 

You’ll remain incomplete without me for the rest of your faked f**ked up life as I’m the only fool that who you could ever hope to have to rule!

It takes a fool to fool a fool;

But it takes an ass to be dumb enough to underestimate my class .....

I’ve given you the best of me & in return you gave me the worst of you , 

so now I hope with all of me that you find a way to enjoy life’s beauty with this hell on earth you’ve magically made for yourself when turned me into a very own personal beast; 

I hope that you never go hungry , but every morsel of food you cease to enjoy due to my lack of company, even at a magnificent feast.

I wish you the sweetest of dreamz throughout every night before you wake up to realize without me you’re about to live the rest of days living your worst nightmare out!

I pray that one day you may come to terms with what you had and by God’s grace it’ll be in the neck of time when you smack in the middle of sad and glad on the brink of mad”

I can’t fight this feeling anymore , I know I can never love you any less regardless but I can’t hate myself anymore ..... I’m letting you go as I pay my respects in regards to fatal fact that my first love that wasn’t meant to last!

written by - S.ArunaBassie!