Invalid love

It’s April and it’s your twenty sixth birthday right on the twenty sixth day. Twenty six years ago you had come into this world an innocent child and have since then gone on to metamorphose into a grown woman, one in an unending quest for love. Over most years of this change one thing remained; your believe in the saying “people find love in the most unusual circumstances”. After seeing a lot of practical examples it had become your watchword. However you don’t expect to find yours this way. Not at the movies .Not a day after your birthday and certainly not a random stranger. Yet you do, then you don’t (here’s why).

You had come to see a movie with George (a childhood friend who bookmarked today as your birthday on his calendar and ended up missing yesterday’s birthday bash). This was George making up for that in his own little way and there he was; admirable stranger who’s been stealing glances at you every now and then even though his seat is way ahead of yours in this rather big cinema hall. He does it so smartly, one moment he’s staring at you, the moment you look he’s staring at the big screen. It becomes an interesting mind game as the process goes on and on until one time you catch him right in the act, he lets out a smile that mesmerises you into blushing. From that moment on whether he was looking or not you didn’t care. You would go on to try not looking in his direction till the movie ended; and yes it worked “I’m not that cheap after all let him do some work” you mutter under your breath.

You’ll go on to see him as you exit the mall, only that he walks past you and doesn’t even utter a word, this time he had a girl with him, his hand round her waist. You silently curse him under your breath (who comes to a movie with his girl and still flirts with a stranger); but then you wished he had approached you, “maybe I should have continued our little game “you mutter.

You go on to think of him afterwards but it only lasts as long as that day. I wouldn’t blame you; plenty of books to read, tons of classes to attend, and hundreds of patients to clerk; it’s your penultimate year in medical school.

 A month later you’ll run into him at the same mall, this time you’re out alone and his girl isn’t there either. He approaches you introducing himself as Jake in expectation that you remember him from last month, at first you pretend you don’t .When he goes on to narrate your previous encounter, only then you go on to fake just recollecting his face. First off you ask about his girl, he says they separated barely a week after he saw you, he goes on to claim how fortunate he had been to meet you today he’s been hanging around the mall lately hoping you come around someday. Only then do you exchange contacts with Jake.

You’ll find out he works as an attorney in a private firm in town, and in the space of one year he goes from a stranger to a friend, then an even closer friend. It had evolved from frequent texts to late night calls, and now dinner dates and movie nights. All this while you finally graduate from medical school.

When he proposes you marrying him; you’re taken by surprise, (not that you didn’t see it coming, just not this soon, and not at the same mall where it all started exactly a year ago). Yes!! Yes!! you scream as you embrace him. You’ve always wanted something grand for a proposal and grand he did make it, although you don’t remember mentioning it to him.

Finally a man to call yours; a caring one at that. You had been strong for each other earlier this year as he lost his dad while you finally passed your final Medical board exams (third attempt) both in same month. As you embark on the ride home from the mall you remember your first meeting with his mum, although it was at the funeral she still appeared as nice as her emotions would allow. A few more meetings after that and she invited you over for girls’ day; you, her, and both of her daughters. From that day on you knew Jake was bond to propose anytime soon, how soon you didn’t know. He did pick today, what more could you have asked for on your birthday. It was the perfect gift, but little did you know he had more surprises up his sleeves. 

When you both get to your apartment and unlock the main door it’s a house packed with everyone of your friends, few of Jake’s friends whom you had met and most surprisingly your parents who lived in another town. You’ll later find out after the party that Jake had invited everyone but not without the help of Alexa. You didn't suspect a thing, they had it planned out so perfectly; from stealing your keys to keeping the house dead silent when you both drove in. Alexa had brought in your parents, for Jake it's his first time meeting them. Alexa has been your best friend right from teenage years, a title she had proved worthy of time and time again over the years. Your parents and hers had been good friends.

Later that night you talk to Jake about marriage. You want just two kids, Jake wants four of them (the more the merrier he says). You both come to a fair compromise of three kids then go on to talk about genotype. When Jake mentions his genotype being AS, your heart skips a beat, you were also AS, every single text you studied in medical school discouraged AS getting married to AS. There was at least twenty five percent probability of giving birth to a sickly child with SS genes. With everything being at stake you go on to lie about having AA genes. Jake sleeps over that night, a little kissing, cuddling in bed but nothing more. 

When you both go for medical tests later that week, you make sure it’s at the hospital where you’re doing your compulsory housemanship programme for freshly baked medical Doctors. As emotions would have it you lobby your way to changing the test results, the results would come out with your genotype being AA. All this while Jake doesn’t suspect a thing (you never gave him a reason to; who would expect a Doctor to lie about something as sensitive as her genotype).

The next time you have a sleepover at Alexa’s place; you tell her your little secret about the test results. Alexa doesn’t approve it, she takes none of your emotional excuses “you of all people shouldn’t this, you know the risks involved you’re a Doctor for crying out loud” she had said. You could understand where this was coming from; she had lost had lost her brother to sickle cell anaemia earlier this year; both of their parents had AS genes; she had taken both A and S genes while her brother took both of the S genes surviving sixteen years of frequent medical crisis before giving up. Alexa will go on to talk sense into you while making you promise to confess to Jake the following day. When you sleep that night you see yourself burying a young girl looking like you,it felt like she was your own child. Alexa hears you out in the morning and only adds it to her already long list of reasons why you had to confess to Jake.

The following day when you drive into his apartment you play around the hibiscus tree knowing full well it could be your last time as there was only one way things would go from your confession. Throughout your stay at his place you wait for the perfect moment to tell him everything, only that the moment never came; you couldn’t bring yourself to breaking this bond, the closest you’ve had with any male, your first shot at love. 

Over the next three months that seem like the best months of your relationship, you both travel out of town to officially meet your parents, they both approve of your union and then you begin preparations for a grand wedding. Alexa had been a blessing in this period; she had been the one in charge of most things while you only acted as the overseer; insisting she didn’t want you stressing yourself. She was going to he the bridesmaid (who else could it have been). On a personal note the three months proved to be a nightmare, the girl in your dream never left. In recent times she always came with a boy younger than she was, he had features like that of Jake. Unlike your first experience she isn’t dead neither is the boy, everytime they accuse you of trying to kill them. One particular occasion they had come with knives hidden behind them and almost succeeded in stabbing you. After every nightmare you console yourself with the fact that it was just a twenty five percent probability. ”I’ve come too far to retreat” you would say.

With just a week to the wedding, invitations having been sent already. Still one thing remained; the images of the boy and girl. They never left your head, now they didn’t wait till you slept before they appeared. They were everywhere, at your house, Jake’s house, the hospital, the movies, the picnics. Their presence will go on to affect virtually every sphere of your life as you always lost focus on seeing their images. The height of it was you passing out on seeing them during your bridal shower. Only then do you tell Alexa about it, although she never bothered to confirm she assumed you already confessed to Jake before then. Alexa came up with a plan, “this time you are going to tell him there’s no other way to go” she had said.

The next day you’re holding hands with Jake enjoying the aesthetic view of the ocean on a beach about two hours drive from town. You had specifically chosen this beach faraway from town, you want to see how he reacts to the truth you were about to spill. Specifically if he would leave you alone on the beach or still allow you in his car in a two hour trip where you could still salvage your relationship by explaining things. Alexa wouldn’t support the latter “even if it works I’ll play no part in your union“ she had said. Ninety percent of your minds says he’s going to leave you out there (but hey emotions would make you try it out).

Ninety minutes on the beach still the words haven’t found their way out of your mouth. With thirty minutes left to the end of the picnic, it's now or never; “just say it, you silently reminded yourself” you knew you’ll regret if you didn’t. That moment you let it out, he loses his firm grip of your hand, while you watch him try to process the bombshell you had just dropped. After a minute that seems like forever, he expresses his disgust with curse words you never heard him use before. When he asks why you lied about something so sensitive you want to go ahead and tell him how you had been selfish and acted based on emotions but words fail you this time. After almost a minute of waiting for a reply; "he speaks up and says the wedding is cancelled, I can't marry someone who lies about something as important as her genes" he says. Just as you had thought he left without you. You’ll place a call to Alexa who arrives to pick you up in less than five minutes. Alexa had hanged around just for this purpose; a plan B in case he left. 

You never see Jake after that day; he had gone ahead to change his phone number and blocked you on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter cutting all connections with you. You request a month leave of absence at the hospital and move outside town to stay with your parents just to avoid friends visiting to ask why you cancelled the wedding. You change your phone number and delete all your social media accounts cutting connections with everyone except of course; Alexa. She'll always drive in from town to come say hi on Saturdays; the only days you don’t feel like jumping of your window. In one month you add thirty five pounds and the only thing you do at all is writing; writing about your love story with Jake only that you never finish writing the story; you have to resume work; a month gone already. It isn’t easy going back (but then what choice do you have). First off you have to get new clothes, you fit into only a few of the old ones.

Ten years gone and you run into him at the same mall again, this time with your husband and kids (a boy and an older girl). You had met your husband a year after Jake left; he was one of your patients at the clinic and the first question you ask on your first date is about his genotype and yeah he was AA. You pretend not to see Jake but then he approaches your family, says hi to everyone, while you both wish each other the best and don’t exchange contacts, you don’t get to ask of his wife as he leaves as soon as he could. He also had a child with him; a boy like the one you saw in the dreams. There would be no drama when he leaves as you had previously told your husband about Jake. That day when you get home you have memories of ten years back and then wonder what regrets you could have had; had you married Jake. While checking out some old files and pictures you find your uncompleted story; the story of your love affair with Jake. You develop interest in finishing up the book. When your husband doesn’t buy the idea of you publishing the book you’ll go ahead to convince him of how it could be of help to young unmarried persons out here. 

When he finally gives in; you go ahead to finish up the book and name it; Invalid love.