An Stary Sea

Carys did not appreciate space. In fact, at this current state in her life, she found that she thoroughly detested it. Yes, she would admit it, it had been nice at first, when takeoff had begun and she had been launched into the sky. She had been more leisurely back then, taking time off of her busy schedule for a snack, or even to simply gaze out the window at the passing stars, beautifully effulgent. Now, Carys realized, she viewed stars as rather depressing, the majority of them were already dead by the time her gaze landed on them, lightspeed simply couldn’t render fast enough for her eyes to catch up, and she found it almost disconcerting. She wanted to shout out to them, warn them of a demise that she knew had already taken place. Stupidly, she had found herself wondering if the stars had a family. 

So that had been the end of that. Day by day on her spaceship, her qualms grew. She longed for air that tasted fresh, for skies the color of blue cream, for walls covered in overgrown moss. The sterility of her new home made her feel itchy and trapped. Her one vehement demand before leaving earth had been to receive frequent video chats from her younger brother, Osian. Those, she coveted. Through him, she could see the world she so desperately craved. If he ever picked up that is. Carys gritted her teeth as she called again. Osian and her hadn’t been particularly close during her time on earth and their relationship had only gotten slightly less strained when she had been ensconced in space. He didn’t understand how important his job was, without him, she would be in complete isolation. With that thought in mind, she called for a third time. She could almost feel his tension seeping through the screen as he finally picked up. 

“Carys?” He snapped, his face faintly tinged red. She ignored his rage, overwhelmed with joy to simply hear a voice besides her own. 

“It's ten o’clock” he continued, not picking up on her apathy “I’m at school”

This only bolstered her intertest 

“Ten? Oh, thank you Osian. There are no clocks in here so I have no way of knowing if you don’t tell me.” She paused, letting a bit of a frenzied look into her eyes “It's maddening.” The threat of insanity was usually enough to get Osian into a more chivalrous mindset, it was bad enough dealing with her as she was and she knew that the thought of an even more unstable version of herself harrowed him. 

She drank in the scenery behind him, he was indeed at school, but simply the sight of an unfamiliar wall was enough for this earth-starved girl. Her eyes skittered over a poster for debate team as Osian continued to talk “So Carys, what is it? What do you want?” 

Her mind lit up with possibilities, each one grander than the next. They could go to an opera, they could go swimming in a sea so deep it seemed endless, they could scour the streets for dogs to pet and befriend. Her face flushed for a second before reality came crashing down on her, of course it wouldn’t be both of them that would experience it. The prickly, trapped feeling at the back of her neck came back. “Let's go to the beach.” She finally choked out, her enthusiasm significantly diminished. 

Osians eyes turned to slits “the beach? Carys, I’m at school.” He enunciated each word slowly and carefully as if it was a lack of comprehension that made her utter such a request. 

She tipped her head “yes but I doubt you want to be.” she paused, trying to seem more sympathetic. Unfortunately, that had never been her strong suit. 

He remained resolute “I already cut school last Thursday. To go to the park, for you. I’m tired of this, I have my own life and unlike you, I don’t want to throw it away.” 

Carys raised a single eyebrow, something she had spent years in front of a mirror trying to master. His comments had been intended to cleave, to hurt, instead they bounced off of her, it was nothing she hadn’t heard before. “Same story different mouth.” She snapped, watching his face grow red then white.

“I’m sorry” he finally muttered “I know it's hard, it's just that I can’t live life for you. I have my own things.” 

Cerys let out a cold laugh “so I’m guessing that's a no to the beach”

She watched Osian's face fall as he took on her words. He wouldn’t get any sympathy from her, not when it was her who was trapped out here with nothing except the occasional roach. She felt her irritation rising as he floundered about for a response. 

“Is that the only reason you call me?” He finally spat out, the attempt seeming more pitiful than hostile. 

“You can’t guilt me little brother” She hissed back, feeling her nails dig crescent moons into her palms. What she wouldn’t do to see a crescent moon on earth instead of up close in her iron prison. “It's not like you exactly languish at our time apart.” 

Osians face turned a sinister way that Carys hadn’t seen before, she felt her stomach fall even before he started to speak. “I’m done with this Carys. You never call for me, only for what's around me. Even now!” His voice raised before quickly dropping when, Carys assumed, he remembered he was still in school. “You don’t even look at me. You complain about your isolation, but in honesty, your the one who pushed everyone away.” A tear was stuck to one of his thick lashes, though the sight didn’t make Carys feel any better. “I’m done with this. Call me for me not for the beach or for a look at the sky, maybe then we can talk, in a few years. But I can’t deal with this right now.” 

Carys blinked slowly, realizing that tears of her own were gathered in the crooks of her eyes, waiting to spring. She blinked, spurning them away like her brother had to her. She felt like her body was crumbling, turning to nothing more than space dust and homesickness. “But wha- what will I do? There's nothing out here. There's no ocean-” her voice cracked at the word, so similar to her brothers name. 

He stared at her. “That's what you care about? Jeez Carys. I dunno, look at the stars or something. There are a lot of beautiful stars in space right?” And before she could contradict, inform him of the stars depressing nature, he was gone. 

Just like he knew she would, she cried for the visions of earth she had lost, not the brother who had never really been hers. 

And then she sat vigil, looking at the stars. And they were beautiful. And, with her tear stained eyes and cloudy vision, the infinite space almost looked like the ocean, come to greet her.