Blue Sofa, June Rain

September 9th, 2018

We have our first date today. His first date ever. I don’t know what we talk about, but the conversation lasts around the lake. He offers his hand to help me over a muddy spot, but I don’t see until he has withdrawn it. He tells me that he wants to take me on a picnic in a library. I would like that.

September 13th, 2018

I’ve never understood the sparks that people in love say that they feel. I thought that it wasn’t real, that the dull warmth of caring for someone as a friend and trying to feel more, was all there was. Tonight, I understand. On paper, the date isn’t much. We eat ice cream and laugh. We walk through a parking lot in the semi-dark, and he rescues a shopping cart from the bushes. While we return the cart, he talks about string theory, not to impress me but because he loves learning, and I realize, I think I could love him. I tell him that I am cold, and he says that he wishes he could help. “May I?” After I say yes, he wraps his arms around me. After a few steps, he bends down to pick up a penny and then gives it to me. I hold it tightly in my hand for the rest of the night, its edges creasing my palm.

September 15th, 2018

Today is our third date. We watch my favorite movie in his basement, but all I can hear is the fish tank in the corner that casts an eerie blue light and echoes against the cement walls. I meet his dad who is half-asleep in the dark upstairs, and his mom who comes downstairs in her nightgown. He and I hold each other too tightly and don’t pay attention to the movie. This isn’t what I planned.

September 16th, 2018

I tell him that it was too soon for me to meet his parents; that I would have done it properly if I had been ready. I cry and tell him that we are moving too fast for me. He apologizes.

September 20th, 2018

We walk in the sun together, watch movies, make each other laugh. He hasn’t pressured me to make a decision but has made sure that I know he is only interested in me. Today, I ask him if he would like me to be his girlfriend. He says that he would like that very much.

September 23rd, 2018

He surprises me at the library where I work. He brings food for me, because he knows that I work late and don’t always get enough dinner. It's chicken, french fries, and a drink. I hold his hand and give him a kiss. I definitely love him.

September 25th, 2018

We lie next to each other on my parents’ blue sofa, talking, holding hands. He tells me that he thinks he is falling in love with me. Actually, he is certain. “I’m just going to say it. I’m in love with you.”

June 12th, 2019

I pull my oversize purple suitcase through the rain behind him. I ask him again whether he is certain that this is the right bus station. He knows that I am nervous, so he is patient with me, although this is the third time that I have asked. We sit in the corner seats in the waiting area, and I watch the television screens flashing news and commercials, trying to distract myself. I have to use the bathroom, again. He waits for me, then we walk back outside. The bus is ten minutes late, but it finally comes. We sit together, and the knots in my stomach loosen. I have been anxious since the moment that he asked what my train ticket number was, and I realized that I didn’t have the right one and might need to take a different train alone, all twenty hours to Washington, D.C. Luckily, we found a new ticket. Luckily, we made it to the train on time even though the bus was late. Luckily, I am still with someone who makes sure that I am safe and happy, who stays steady under pressure. It is our first trip together.

June 13th, 2019

We pull my suitcase, yellow bag, and art supplies through the domed station. He takes my suitcase around the security gates because it doesn’t fit through. He tells me not to stand on the left side of the escalator, and we finally step outside. Everything is bright, and I don’t know where I am, so I wait for him to call his friend. He leads the way to his cousin’s house, which is below the street but full of sunshine, plants, and cats.

June 14th, 2019

We visit museums and grassy parks. We wander through galleries and eat at his favorite restaurants. That night, his cousin takes us to a jazz club. The air is thick with music, and the pork chop is thick with sauce.

June 15th, 2019

Today we say goodbye. I am taking classes five hours away, and he is working at a summer camp. He buys me the biggest ice cream sandwich I have ever seen. I can’t eat all of it, and I hope that he is not disappointed. We kiss one last time, a passionate goodbye kiss, and an older woman frowns in our direction. I move through the line, turning around to wave until I no longer see him. Now, I am on my own with the oversize suitcase. I struggle to pull it onto this train alone, but I manage.

October 20th, 2019

We read a poetry book together on the blue sofa at my parents’ house. We watch a cheesy 80s show and laugh. Tonight has been perfect. This is what I want forever: the two of us together. I know that he wants it too. We made that decision months ago. While he gets his shoes, I get the ring. I hold it tightly, the edges creasing my palm. The timing isn’t perfect, but it’s our timing. “Goodnight, I love you, will you marry me?”