Married At Last?

Edinburgh, Scotland, 2014

It was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. After years of living together and waiting for same sex marriage to become legal, Tina and I could finally get married.

“But why do you suddenly want to fit yourselves into a heterosexist institution when you've been happy together for so long without it?” our friend Katie asked.

“It's about equality!” Tina said. "Isn't it Susie?"

“Absolutely, but it's also about commitment!” I said. “We've always wanted to be able to do this!”

“You'll look adorable in matching trouser suits.” Katie said.

“No, we're both wearing dresses!” Tina and I said in unison.

“But if you wear dresses, you're pandering to male, heteronormative expectations!” Katie said.

“Yes but if we both wear dresses, then we undermine the expectation that either of us needs to be butch!” I said. “And really, neither of us are butch!”

“And we prefer wearing dresses when we want to look, well, dressy!” Tina said.

“And no make-up!" I said. "The only ever time I've worn more than lip balm is that time I made myself up as a punk for fancy dress and scared people stupid!”

“And we've both got nice short hair, we won't look like Barbie Doll straight girls!” Tina nodded.

“Fair enough!” Katie said “It's your wedding!”

Tina and I decided on a small ceremony at an Episcopalian church where the minister, Dawn was a lesbian, followed by a reception at Planet, a gay bar close to the church.

“And Helen, the minister's girlfriend, is in a band! They can play at the reception!”

“Brilliant, and in between their sets, we need a good, classic lesbian sound.” Tina said.

“So who are you thinking?”

“Joan Armatrading, kd lang, Indigo Girls...” Tina said “classics that blend into the background so the oldies aren't offended and the youngsters can recognise the tunes.”

“Bit too old school, isn't that?” I said “how about some Lesbians on Ecstasy to mix things up?”

“Oh, imagine Great Aunt Jemima hearing Lesbians on Ecstasy!”

“She'll hardly notice!” I said “she's quite deaf. She'll probably spend the whole wedding in a rum soaked haze, trying to work out which of our gay male friends is my husband-to-be and why my flatmate and I are wearing identical blue dresses.”

**

For some reason my Mum and Tina never seemed to hit it off. It was strange, both of them normally so easy going, but together they were awkward and evasive.

I took Tina aside just before our joint hen party.

“This is a big night for us both, my sweet,” I said “and it would really make me happy if you and Mum could get along better!”

“I don't know, Susie!” Tina shrugged her shoulders “we just rub each other up the wrong way!”

“Please, though, could you try?” I asked “I hate to see the two people who mean most to me not getting along!”

“I'll do my best!” Tina said.

Later that evening, I chatted with my Mum. She talked about how happy married life had been for her and how much she missed my Dad, then conversation turned to my own forthcoming wedding.

“You and Tina avoided each other all evening!” I said “I'd really like you two to get on, you're my two best friends!”

“Maybe, I'm scared I'm going to lose your affections!”

“That's nonsense and you know it, Mum!” I said “Tina and I have been together for years and you and I are still as close as ever, aren't we?”

“I guess we are” she smiled.

**

The day of the wedding dawned, bright and clear with just a touch of autumnal frost. I rose early and went for a run along the river. When I got back home, Tina smiled at me from our bed.

“Mum's coming round in an hour!” I said “she won't want to find you still in bed!”

Tina snorted with laughter. “I'll have a shower and join the two of you for breakfast!”

I laid the table for breakfast, singing “She Keeps Me Warm” loudly and out of tune. When the doorbell rang, I answered it and let my Mum in. I ushered her into the kitchen and kissed her cheek. Tina wandered into the room, drying her hair. We all sat down and ate, in a strange, tense silence.

“The car will be here soon!” I said, leaving the room “I'll just get ready!”

“Yeah, we'll just finish eating then we'll get ready too!” Tina said.

In the bedroom, I put on my blue dress and posed in front of the mirror then put on my blue wrap, picked up my purse and went back to the kitchen. I heard a soft giggle from Tina and peered through the crack at the side of the door. Mum and Tina were kissing! Not a soft peck on the cheek either but full on kissing, tongues and all. I cleared my throat and put my head round the door, only to see them pulling apart, shamefacedly.

“What on earth do you think you're doing?” I asked.

Tina and Mum looked at each other.

“I'll just go and get changed!” Tina said.

“Oh no you don't!” I said, standing in front of the door. “I want an explanation. For months you've hardly spoken to each other while I'm around and now this. On what was supposed to be our wedding day! How long has this been going on?”

“I've been lonely since your dad died and Tina has been lovely to me!” my Mum said.

“Tina's lovely to everyone, but she doesn't go around kissing everyone! She's supposed to be marrying me and I thought that meant we would be faithful to each other! Are you two, er, sleeping together?”

“I wanted to comfort your Mum, she's been very upset since your Dad died” Tina said “and you've been so busy preparing the wedding!”

“We've been busy preparing the wedding!” I said. “and don't evade my question. Are you having sex?”

“We never meant for this to happen, did we Tina?” Mum said “Things just developed, I've often wondered what it would be like to be with a woman. Your Dad was a kind and lovely man, and I would never have cheated on him, but now...”

“But now you think it's okay for my fiancée to cheat on me with you? Please, I need to know, are you having sex?”

Tina nodded without looking at me.

“I'm sorry!” Mum's eyes were wet and she started sniffing.

“I think you need to go home, Mum!”

“I'm sorry, Susie, really!” she stood up, picked up her coat and left.

I turned and glared at Tina.

“So who's going to cancel everything?”

“We don't need to cancel, Susie, we can work it out!”

“Not in twenty minutes we can't!” I said. “Maybe you can promise not to run off with my mother and over time we can rebuild trust and create a happy future together, but I'm not marrying you today.”

“Maybe we can have an open relationship?”

“Even if we did, Tina, I'd guess close family members would probably be off-limits! You need to go.”

“But where?”

“Well Mum's got space in her bed!” I said, “but you may prefer to ask your sister, she's got a spare room hasn't she?"

“So, we're really not getting married?”

“Tina, really, we aren't getting married!”

Just then the doorbell rang.

“That will be the car!” I said. “You tell the driver what's happened and get her to drive you to to Mum's, or wherever you want, I don't care. Just go.”

“But Susie...”

I held open the front door of the flat and motioned her out. She looked at me, tearfully, then trudged down the stairs. After a few minutes, I heard the car drive off.

I picked up the phone and dialled the number of the manse.

“Dawn here. I'm sorry I'm in a rush, I'm just about to do a wedding!”

“No you're not!” I said “It's cancelled.”

“Oh I'm so sorry, Susie!” she said “what happened?”

I told her the whole story, trying to hold back the tears.

“What are we going to do about the reception?” I said. “I don't want to waste all that food and people will already be on their way.”

“Have the party anyway! Explain what's happened, with as much detail as you feel comfortable sharing, then just let everyone enjoy the party. Helen and her band will still come along, they were all looking forward to playing at one of the first real lesbian weddings in Scotland and they'll want to be there to help cheer you up!”

**

Edinburgh, Scotland, 2019

Which is exactly what they did. And in between their sets, during

k d lang's Constant Craving (I now realised that Tina's musical choices were strongly influenced by my Mum), I looked deep into Katie's eyes and realised she was the one for me. Five years down the line, we're very definitely not thinking of getting married. After all, we don't want my Mum and my new step-mom turning up at the wedding and spoiling things.