What is That?

“Remind me, what time is the Christmas party tonight?” I walk out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around me, and Jim is still in bed, just like he was when I walked into the shower. 

“Seven, I think? Or maybe it was six. I don’t know, I thought we weren’t going?” his voice follows me as I walk into our closet, reaching for a dress.

“Actually, we never agreed on that. Come on, Jim, we should go. You should go, I thought you wanted to be promoted? If you want to be considered for the job, we should go.”

“What about a babysitter?” 

“I’ll ask one of my girlfriends if they can watch them. I’ll figure it out, if not, you can call your mom. You know she loves watching them.”

The silence from the bedroom confirms that I am right. The towel is on the floor and I am pulling on black nylons when he speaks again. “You’re right, Joelle. I’ll call Danny to confirm the time and see if we should bring anything.” 

I finish getting dressed and walk back into the bedroom, where Jim is leaned over to the bedside table, dialling the number and playing with the cord. I hear him talk as I sit on the bed, pull on my boots, and go back into the closet to grab my jacket. When I return, the phone is again resting in its stand and he is now standing, completely nude, and making the bed. “Danny said six, will you be home on time?”

I nod. “Do we need to bring anything?”

“He said not really, but what about those cookies you and the kids made last night? Maybe we can take those?”

“Maybe, or you could run to the store and get something?” I reply, slinging my purse over my shoulder and rounding the bed to give Jim a kiss. 

“Where are you going again?” he asks after our lips part.

“Book club, remember? Every Saturday. And I’m taking Keith and Robin with me, I think all of us are going to start bringing the kids, so they can play in Paula’s yard. We’ll see how today goes, or if they are too distracting.” Jim cracks a grin and kisses me on the cheek as he walks past me and into the bathroom, and I leave the room, gather the kids, and pack them in the car.

Because Robin is only four and Keith loves to annoy her, I am late to book club because I had to split up multiple fights and physically remove Robin’s hair from Keith’s fist. But what kind people my friends are, for when I ring the doorbell and Paula’s home servant answers the door, they are all waiting in the living room for me. All of their books are sitting in their laps, glasses of something in everyone’s hand, and before I can even tell Robin and Keith where to go, Paula’s maid has already taken them to the backyard.

“Joelle!” Paula is the first to notice me, not shocking, because she is such a hostess. “We’ve been waiting! Did Jim hold you up? Come on, sit down! Here’s some iced tea.” Ah, that’s what they are drinking this time, iced tea.

I sit down in the only empty chair, a chair I know usually belongs with her dining room table. I take my book out of my purse and Paula hands me my glass as my ears finally tune in to listen to the conversation from the other mother’s around me. That doesn’t last long, however, before Paula interrupts the conversation. “Since we are all here now, let’s get started! Oh, Beverly!” 

A moment later, the maid who let me in walks into the room, and I finally look at her. She’s black, dressed in jeans and a shirt I can’t see under her white apron. Her hair is tightly twisted into an amazing braid laid flat on her head. She clasps her hands behind her back while she waits for Paula to say her request, and I know that’s an act of nervousness. I do it myself. 

“Do you mind just checking on the kids every once and awhile?” Paula asks, and Beverly, I guess, nods her head in reply and waits for Paula to direct her attention elsewhere before she leaves the room. 

I hear them debate what page we finished on last week, but I interrupt the conversation. “Is she new?”

“Who?” Paula asks, and all my friends turn to look at me.

“Beverly. I mean, I don’t think she was here last week, right?” 

“Oh, no. You’ll have to excuse her; she is just learning. So far, she is doing alright though, much better than our last.”

“Wait, what happened to your last? What was her name again? Tamara or something?” Jane says. I love her, but she’s known to be the nosey one in the group.

“Yeah, it was something with a T I think,” Says Paula. “But Little John said he saw her steal a towel or something. Big John and I decided it was better to just let her go.”

All the ladies hum in approval, saying that they would do the same, and I sit silent, not agreeing or disagreeing. I’m just thinking about how if Keith did the same thing, Jim and I probably wouldn’t act on it, right? I wouldn’t, at least.

Although, I can’t complain too much that Tamara or whatever her name was left, because I quite like Beverly. I mean, she seems nice, and all that.

“Joelle? Are you ready to start?” Paula asks, pulling me from thoughts I didn’t realize I had gotten sucked into. 

“Yes, sorry. What page are we on, again?” This causes them to start bickering on the pages again, but eventually we agree and begin.

Book club lasts an hour and a half, plus an extra half an hour for chit chat. None of the conversations are extremely interesting, most of them talking about the upcoming Christmas play that all the kids are in. Robin isn’t old enough yet to be in it, but Keith is an elf. 

After a while, I realize I need to leave soon in order to get ready for Jim’s Christmas party, and remember I am supposed to ask around for a babysitter tonight. So, I turn to Jane and ask her, but she can’t because her daughter, Milly, has ballet tonight, and so I gradually go around the circle, and Paula is the first one who says yes.

“Great,” I say. “I’ll go home with the kids, then, grab some things for them, and Jim and I can drop them back off on our way out. Is that okay?”

“Of course! Of course!”

“You’re sure you don’t have any plans?”

“No, no. John and I will be here, plus Beverly. I’ll just ask her to stay late.” For some reason the mention of Beverly sparks my interest. 

“Beverly will still be here?”

“Yeah, I’ll get her to stay after dinner. Why? Is that okay?” I’m now aware of what my interest in Beverly sounds like, and I am also aware at the circle of ladies who are half paying attention to Paula and I’s conversation. 

“Oh yes! Of course it’s okay! I just didn’t know how late you kept her, that’s all.”

“Alright, then. Just drop the kids later and we’ll be ready for them.”

“Great. I’ll just go get them, then, so we can leave. I’ll see all of you ladies next week!” I say goodbye to everyone, grab my bag, and make my way to the backyard, where Beverly is already fetching Keith and Robin.

“Thank you, Beverly, I didn’t know you had heard me say I was getting them.” Beverly smiles and we both watch my children hug the other kids goodbye as they slowly make their way to the back door. “Beverly,” I say, waiting for her to turn towards me before I continue speaking. “Does this mean you heard Paula say she was going to ask you to stay late? Is that okay?”

Beverly just nods her head, and I lower my voice before asking again. “Are you sure it’s okay?”

She nods again, and then Robin and Keith are in front of me, Robin hugging my legs and Keith already tugging on his sister’s hair. I ignore them briefly as I reached over and give Beverly a hug. “Thank you for helping out later, it really means a lot.” 

Beverly ducks her face as I pull away, so I can not see her facial expression. She then walks us to the door, and my kids and I get into the car and go off back home.

Jim is sitting on the couch when we walk in the front door, and the first thing the kids do is run up to him. He hugs them momentarily before brushing them off and standing, looking at me.

“Paula’s babysitting tonight.” I say, and he confirms it with a nod, beginning to walk towards the bedroom to get ready. Keith and Robin turn their attention towards me after receiving very little from their dad, so I take them and as a three we get their stuff ready for their evening at Paula’s. 

I then proceed to get myself ready, quickly curling my hair, changing my outfit into a skirt and blouse, and touching up my makeup. Jim is ready quickly, and the last thing I do is grab the cookies Robin, Keith and I made yesterday before walking out the door. 

Jim drives us to Paula’s, and a part of me no longer feels like going to the Christmas party anymore. Even Jim, who usually looks irresistible to me in a suit, isn’t making me feel the same as usual. 

I walk the kids to the front door, the daylight already gone because of the last month of the year. I ring the doorbell, and of course, Beverly answers the door, looking identical to what I saw her in only hours prior, though it feels like it was a completely different day.

Keith and Robin hug me quick before running inside the house, and Beverly and I are left standing at the door until Paula comes. “You look lovely!” is the first thing she says to be, and Beverly dismisses herself and heads in the direction my children went.

“Thank you. And thank you for watching them. Jim and I should only be a couple of hours, I don’t really think either of us want to stay there very long.” I say, handing her a small bag of things for the kids–things like Robin’s bear and crackers, in case they refuse to eat whatever Paula has for them here.

“Why not? Don’t you usually love his work parties?” Paula has relaxed into the conversation now, and although I am very aware of Jim waiting in the car for me, a part of me does not want to go back.

“I don’t know. Something just feels…off with me, you know?” I decide to be honest, and then see Paula’s face and regret it. “I’m probably just tired. Robin was up late last night because of sugar. So she might crash, fair warning.”

Paula nods her head, smiling. “No worries! We can just pump her full of more sugar to keep going! You go and try to have a good time! Take as long as you want, Beverly will be here.”

At the mention of her name, Beverly appears again by the door, and I offer her a smile that I am shocked she returns. I hear Big John shout something so Paula gives me a quick hug and then leaves to follow his voice, and I am left with Beverly again.

“Thank you, Beverly. For staying late for my kids.”

“It’s Bev.” Beverly replies, and it is the first time I have heard her voice. Without realizing what I’m doing, I give her another hug, but this one lasts longer than the one this afternoon. As I pull away, Beverly plants a quick kiss on my cheek, but her face is ducked again when I pull back, so I can’t see anything.

“Thank you, Bev.” I smile and leave before I am able to catch her eye again. The wind is trying it’s hardest to blow my skirt a mess and me away as I walk back to Jim in the car, and it is surprisingly cold for Texas, even in the wintertime. 

Jim has now turned the radio on, and as I get in the car I apologize for taking so long to drop off the kids, and he just shrugs and begins driving again. 

The further away from the kids I get, the emptier I feel. I look at Jim and I feel nothing, and really, I think of the kids and I feel nothing. But I think of Beverly, and I feel a lot of things. That hug, that kiss, those two words that fell from her lips. 

“What is on your mind?” Jim asks, pulling me from my thoughts as usual.

“Just the kids.” I say, and the conversation stops after that. But how am I supposed to tell him I was thinking about my best friend’s maid, and how she is so pretty I can’t stop picturing her in my head, and her lips much softer than Jim’s, and how my stomach knots just knowing I’m going to see her. What is that? Is that love?