James, JS and Tubby

No! No this can not be happening. Why did I accept this invitation? How drunk was I? It all sounded so romantic. My newest guy, Dean, is tall, dark, handsome and, ok, suave as all get out. What can I say? I was swept away. We met on a Friday, by Saturday we were hitting up flea markets, outdoor cafes, and inside hotel rooms. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It was heaven. That whole weekend was magical. Monday rolled around and we had to put us on hold; those pesky jobs were getting in the way. Right before we tore ourselves apart he asked me to be his plus one for his friend, JS’s upcoming wedding the next weekend. What else could I say but yes? I finally had a reason to pull out my very sexy dress that’s been doing nothing but collecting dust in my closet. We were going to a wedding! I love a good wedding! Free food, free drinks, dancing in my bare feet, what’s not to love?

The week flew by and it was Saturday,  wedding day! I was so excited. We went early and checked into the hotel. I packed my little dress, my wedding makeup and my odds and ends. I picked out a cute on-the-way outfit. That cute outfit took more time to figure out than the actual what to wear for the big event outfit. My desired effect was to look, well cute, put together, but in a very subtle way. You know, the whole ‘this old thing?’ thing. Do men even know what we go through to look like we haven’t tried on every outfit we own to look like we just threw something on? Honestly, it was exhausting. But I finally decided on a pair of jeans, a little black fitted top and easy on the feet shoes. The wedding shoes would be doing a number on my feet later. We got to the hotel, had a little pre-wedding fun and then got dressed for the evening’s event.

We made it to the wedding just on time. As we were walking up the steps, I looked at the names on the placard outside the church. I felt like I had been sucker punched. Was this some kind of cosmic joke? Dean’s JS is my James. Ok not mine anymore but Caroline’s. And apparently he was now too cool to be called James.

We were seated on the groom’s side and the whole time I was wishing for a pre-wedding drink. I looked up and saw James, excuse me, JS, at the alter. This groom and I were together for 3 years. We had planned our life together. We lived in a cozy apartment and fell into bed together nightly. That is until Caroline arrived on scene. Caroline, ugh. Blonde , young and stupid. I guess I didn’t know that’s what he really wanted. Our nights were no longer spent in each other’s arms. By the end I paid for a Netflix subscription since I was spending more time watching love stories than living one.

I remember the day that I walked into our apartment to a note left on the kitchen table: ‘sorry, Jen, I can’t do this anymore- James’ I guess he was still James then, not JS. That was it. The whole goodbye message. His stuff was gone. He had taken his clothes, his toiletries and even Tubby; our turtle. Who walks out on someone and then proceeds to take a person’s turtle? Fine, let young, blonde, stupid Caroline clean out Tubby’s aquarium, I knew James never would. She can now spend her days cleaning up turtle poop. 

After the longest ceremony I’ve ever sat through, I found myself walking through the receiving line, congratulating JS and his new bride. Ok, so the look on James’ face when he saw me was pretty priceless. I was able to watch his fake new tan change before my eyes to a nice deathly white. It was getting better by the minute. I kept my composure and said congratulations to him and moved on to Caroline and extended my hand. I had the grace to say,” Congratulations, what a beautiful wedding.” JS stood there with that look he’d get when he realized he had been caught, just like a child with his hand in the cookie jar. I waved my finger tips at him, grabbed Dean’s arm and sashayed my little self off to the reception. This was actually turning out to be fun. The next step was to plow through their champagne, eat their silly little tapas (who serves tapas at a wedding?) and show off my newly toned body in my killer dress on the dance floor. Every time I’d catch James looking over, I’d give Dean a long kiss and gaze lovingly into his dark eyes. We danced, we drank, we ate. James glared, Caroline stared, but we declared!

Yes, I had just met Dean. We were in the lust stage. Lust can lead to love, or can lead to really great sex. I didn’t know where Dean and I were headed. Did I even believe in love anymore? Love hurts. You put your heart out there and all of a sudden your turtle is gone. Poor Tubby, is he confused? Does he get his little lettuce and Cheetos treat? They are probably feeding him stupid turtle tapas. It occurred to me that perhaps I loved Tubby more than I really ever loved James. Let’s face it, Tubby was always waiting for me when I came home. He always seemed happy to see me, you know as much as a turtle can express emotions. Whereas James was out changing his name to JS and meeting stupid blonde women. Today, though, James looked a little like Tubby. Hoping for that little treat that someone might offer him. He would look at me throughout the reception. He thought I didn’t notice, he thought Caroline didn’t notice but that’s James. He thought (thinks?) he’s above everyone. He wanted his cake and to eat it too. I got to taste his wedding cake, it turned out to be exactly like him; cold, flat and with no flavor. Dean may not work out, but what did work out was my respect. My respect for myself, not for JS, not for anyone who decided I’m not good enough. I had flourished after the break up. I worked out, I met new people and I became the real me that was being squashed by James. I didn’t miss James in the least. I did, however, miss Tubby. Tubby knew how to be himself at all times. I should have followed Tubby’s lead during our ill fated relationship. That little turtle had game. Boy, I miss that damn turtle. 

🐢