Voiceless Poet

"I don't want to hear it!" The director yelled at me.

"But-" I started.

" NO!" He said and walked away. It really wasn't my fault that Christmas tree on set fell over. Well, I thought to myself at least I got noticed. I walked back over to my make-up station and gathered what little things I had there and headed out to my car. Thankfully my car started this time because I felt the looming auditorium suffocating me.

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I flopped on my couch with the grilled cheese I had just made and switched on the television. Just then my phone rang

" Hey." I said dismally.

"OMG girl!" My friend Marie yelled through the phone "You literally will not believe what just happened!"

"What happened?" I asked feeling like a terrible friend for not remembering whatever this was.

"I got the job!"

"What!?"

"Yea!"

I didn't bother to tell her I had too auditioned for the lead dancer in the tour, but I was happy for her nonetheless.

"Did you get a job?" Marie asked realizing that I had lost the job of a lifetime.

"I don't know," I replied trying my best to sound like it was just another dancing tour, "I haven't gotten a call, but now I can go visit my family in Colorado."

" Cool! I've always wanted to go to Colorado, anyway I got to go, new season of Holiday Baking Championship is out!" Marie said but it sounded like she really didn't want to talk to me.

"Ok, bye!" I said but Marie had already hung up.

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I woke up on my couch to a phone call. I didn't know who it was but I had seen this number once before and I knew what it meant.

"Hello?" I asked.

" Hi," a strained woman's voice crackled from the other end "Is this Joan?"

"Yes?" I asked

"Could you come it tomorrow and cover for me?" The lady said " I just fell and can't dance on the tour."

"I'm sorry," I replied "Who is this?"

" Dena from dance," The strange lady replied. I remembered a Dana from a couple of tours ago.

"How did you get my number?" I asked

"It was still in the directory." Dana replied "So you'll cover for me? "

"Sure." I said. I wasn't doing anything over Christmas.

"Thanks!" Dana replied and hung up.

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Oh no I thought to myself I promised Mom and Dad that I would come up for Christmas and now I'm all the way in New York!

"Five minutes to curtain!" One of the stage hands called out.

The next five minutes was a blur of outfit malfunctions and retouching make-up that it only felt like a second when the stage hand yelled out:

"Curtain!"

We all filed out as the singer prepared her first song. When the music started the lights felt so hot and the music was to loud and the only thing rooting me to reality was the constant movements that where burned in my brain.

Left foot

Right foot

Switch places

But out of the corner of my eye I got a glimpse of one fan, who was with her parents and it made me sick to my stomach. I never told my parents that I had taken the back-up dancer job.

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I ran as fast as I possibly could to my car and drove home. All the way calling my parents but it went straight to voicemail. When I got to my hotel room I wasn't hungry for dinner so I went to sit out on my patio. I used to have a patio at home way before I moved away. I used to sit for hours listening to music and imagining I was a princess in a royal palace waiting for my Prince Charming to come.

But High School hit and then it was my "Homework" place because the bustle my house was too noisy for AP Chem. But the thing I remember most is the day my sister came home and told me that Mom and Dad had kicked her out because they found out she was skipping classes. I never saw her again. My parents where hard people, very set in their beliefs that if you don't do good in school then you will get no where in life. After that my life seemed to go downhill real fast. I started not calling my friends more and more.

But it all changed when I started dancing. I was a late bloomer, most of the girls in my class had been dancing since they learned how to walk (which they reminded me contently about) and most of them lived in big houses with moms who's perfume smelled like money itself. When one girl Harper invited herself over I walked her to the patio and there she gave me the smack down. I would NEVER be a good dancer, much less stay in dance class till Senior Year. After that I messed up a lot in the lessons which just made Harper tase me more. But Sophomore year it all changed. Harper had gotten kicked out of dance class and suspended from school for Vandalizing. After that I transferred to contemporary dance and I really got the hang of that.

After I graduated I got a scholarship to Florida State Dance Program. I stayed in Florida and started auditioning for competitions. Soon I started winning but there was just not enough money so I went to work in an office as a secretary that didn't require a business certificate. I worked there for about a year and two months and then I saw it. A poster in the local coffee shop advertising the famed singer Nova had auditions for backup dancers. So I auditioned. And I got the job. But then the Nova scandal where she "stole songs from another artist" was all abuzz and I was afraid I would have to change careers again but Marie told me about how the town theater needed dancers for their Christmas play, it was a pretty easy job to get into but I was un-happy I also wasn't making any money doing plays so I signed up for another job as a secretary and unfortunately I got it.

I was once agin swept up in the endless routine. I auditioned for another star's Mia Toter's Christmas tour came, the lady told me I would know If I got the job in a week or two and I was happy until a storm came. It was terrible, someone at the theater pushed me into a Christmas tree and I got fired. But after that storm was over I realized that it had cleared the air and I had gotten the job as the dancer .

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"Curtain!" The stagehand called. This time I wasn't even afraid to go out. I was so happy! The tour was giving a surprise concert in Denver, Colorado which was two hours away from Aurora where my parents lived. They hadn't returned my calls but I would pay them a surprise visit.

We all filed out onto the stage and the motions started again

Left foot

Right foot

Switch places

But once again out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. Someone who looked a lot like my sister Sarah. I spun around completely forgetting that I was still in a concert. If that was really my sister it would be the first time I saw her in 14 years. But then I forgot the dancer behind me, Amelia was literally right behind me and I bumped into her. Amelia she bumped into Wanda. Wanda bumped into Fiona. Fiona bumped into Emily. Emily bumped into Marie. We where all down. It wasn't my sister.

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After that I didn't feel the thrill of the lights and the loud music. I dreaded every night where I had to preform for the Christmas Tour. I wanted to be home. I wanted to drink hot chocolate with my family. I wanted the quiet that the Colorado woods offered. I wanted my Christmas back.