The Great Sinkhole of Anderstown

Anderstown is home to the world’s largest sinkhole!

On the fateful night of July 18th, 1909, the citizens of Anderstown were woken up by a loud bang and a blinding white light.

To their astonishment, they found a fifteen-foot hole at the edge of town!

Today that hole has tripled in size!

But that’s not all!

A storm rages within the hole.

Dust clouds swirl within the hole at speeds clocking into fifty miles per hour, and lightning bolts flash every second! of two billion

You’ll have to see it to believe it!

Come to Anderstown to see the hole that has baffled scientists, geographers, and skeptics alike.

Gateway to Hell?

Entrance to a wormhole?

Portal to another dimension?

You be the judge!

Come to Anderstown today!

***

Top 10 Facts About Anderstown 

1. Anderstown was founded in 1855, only six years before the Civil War!
2. Before the sinkhole, Anderstown was a small community of wheat farmers. 
3. According to US Travel, Anderstown is the #1 tourist destination in the United States! 
4.  Anderstown has been visited by countless celebrities from JFK to Michael Jackson, to Prince Philip! (Check out Anderstown Walk of Fame to find out more!)
5. The Sinkhole Museum was once the Tallasway Inn and is the oldest building in Anderstown. (Buy Tickets Here!)
6. There's more to Anderstown than just the sinkhole. There's camping, kayaking, and zip-lining! (Make Reservations Here!)
7. So far, there have been five expeditions into the Sinkhole.
8. Chef Brodenhimer has created several classic dishes based on the sinkhole! His dishes include; the Sinkhole Donut, the Sinkhole Milkshake, and the Sinkhole Zap-berry Pi, to name a few. 
9. Nobody knows how deep the sinkhole actually is. 
10. The sinkhole grows ten feet every fifty years, with no signs of stopping! How amazing! 

*** 

Anderstown Sinkhole = PORTAL TO HELL

Do NOT go to Anderstown or be damned for all eternity! 

A great evil has been in our nation for over two hundred years. 

It frightens me how long we’ve put up with this devil worship. 

I get emails everyday from people telling me it’s not true, that I’m just overreacting, that I’m just an idiot who needs to get a life. 

Oh, how little they know. 

Fools, all of them! 

They are the chaffed that is blown by the wind, they are the sheep that have been led astray, they are the blind who believe they can see. 

But I’m not blind, I can see!

There are other people like me who see it too. 

One of these knights of the faith is a man by the name of John.

He just sent me an email not too long ago. 

“Dear Mr. Berkins,

I don’t know if you’ve seen this, but I thought this was interesting. 

Here’s a picture of the sinkhole from Google Maps. 

If you notice, the hole is in the center of a pentagram. See how there are five roads that surround the hole, and how each road comes to a point, forming a pentagram? Pretty strange huh?” 

My friends, how much more do you need? 

Thanks to John,we have undeniable proof that the Anderstontown Sinkhole is indeed Satanic. If you value your faith, you should avoid it at all costs and warn everyone you know. 

Until next time. 

“I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness saying, ‘Prepare the way of the LORD.’” - John 1:23

***

Who were the Olentines? 

The Olentines were a humble family that did everything together. They ate together, they played together, and they farmed together. 

Jason Olentine, the family’s patriarch, was said to have been a great farmer, a dedicated husband, 

At the crack of dawn, he would get up and tend to his wheat field. His sons Albert, Jacob, and William would help plant and harvest the delicate crop. Meanwhile, his daughters, Michelle, Ruth, Thersa, and June, would tend to the animals and help their mother, Abigale Olenties, with chores around the house. 

Suddenly on the night of July 18th, everything changed. 

“Something shook the house,” said Mr. Olentine to reporter Trent Munich. “At first, I thought it was an earthquake!” 

“We were mighty frightened,” said June in her autobiography The Olentines: A Memoir of the Anderstown Sinkhole, “I must have cried my pretty little head off! I thought I was going to die!” 

“We couldn’t have done anything much but pray,” said Albert in the same interview with Mr. Munich. “We probably said the Lord’s prayer a thousand times, hoping he would protect us, and he did.” 

“I never understood what people meant by a ‘blinding light,’ but I do now!” said Mr. Olentine. 

“When I opened my eyes, all I saw was white, I’m talking white, white. I look to my left, I look to my right, it’s all white! And it felt like my eyes were being fried on a skillet the longer I kept them open.”

Eventually, the light died down, and the earthquake ceased. 

The Olentine family didn’t step out of their house for a long time. But Jason Olentine was never the one to hide from danger. 

“I picked up a shotgun, hiked up my britches, and walked out the door,” said Mr. Olentinr. “At first I saw nothing. Everything looked the same. It couldn’t have been a cannon blast, or fireworks that went haywire, 'cause I would have seen something.” 

Mr. Olentine wandered further into the field until he made one of the greatest discoveries in American history

“It was a hole,” he said. “But it wasn’t an ordinary hole. There was a purple light coming out of it, I could see clouds circling the edges, and a flash of lightning shooting from the center. It was like a piece of the sky had fallen to the ground. It was mighty pretty to look at. It made me feel calm... like I didn't have a care in the world!”

Since then, the little fifteen-foot wide sinkhole has brought nothing but prosperity to both the town of Anderstown and the Olentie family and continues to wow us with its beauty to this day. 

***

Protestors Block Highway Exit to Anderstown 

By Eddie Glentz 

On a summer afternoon of July 12th, a caravan of environmentalists, Stop the Hole Brigade, blocked Highway Exit 295, which leads to Anderstown, home of the Great Sinkhole. The protest resulted in a fifty-mile-long traffic jam, and the arrest of fifteen people. 

“The sinkhole is growing, and that's not a good thing,” said Thomas Raynard, spokesperson for the Stop the Hole Brigade. “Geographers have pointed out how this thing has been growing ten feet wider every fifty years, and no one is doing anything to stop it.” 

This protest happened a few weeks after the highly renowned geographer, Daniel Heston, spoke out saying, “The Sinkhole in Anderstown is the biggest threat to our world today.”  

When asked why the group decided to block Exit 295, Thomas Raynard said they needed to attack the town where it would hurt them the most. By cutting off Anderstown's only source of revenue, they hoped the governing authorities would take their concerns seriously.

The mayor of Anderstown, Franklin Olentine, made a public statement yesterday saying that he understood the protestor’s concerns but said there is no need for alarm. 

“I am already pushing for legislation that will employ countless experts to work around the clock to solve this problem!” he said. 

Continues on page C2

***

COME TO SINKHOLE PARK!

Located on the outskirts of Anderstown, Sinkhole park has it all! 

Rides!

Arcade Games! 

5D Movies! 

Parades!

Amazing food! 

A tubular water park! 

An Amazing firework extravaganza! 

And one giant Sinkhole! 

Perfect for the whole family! 

Come to Sinkhole Park today!

***

The Sinkhole of Anderstown 

A new 5D experience of the 5th Expedition of the Anderstown Sinkhole. 

Feel, hear, and smell all the things Professor Termain and his men experienced as they journeyed down 600ft into the famous sinkhole! 

***

Cry Coming from Anderstown Sinkhole

Scientific Anomaly or Evidence of a Large Creature?

By Jenifer Powl 

DISCLAIMER: Do not break into Sinkhole Park. Doing so will result in you being charged with breaking-and-entering, as well as trespassing. I am not condoning the actions of the people mentioned below.

For the past five years, videos have surfaced online of a strange noise coming from the Anderstown Sinkhole at Sinkhole Park. 

These videos are taken in the dead of night, long after the park’s hours of operations. 

People who have recorded such an event usually hide deep inside the park and wait for it to close down, while others just break-in.

If you've ever been to the infamous Sinkhole, you’ll know that it is hauntingly quiet.

However, if you listen to the video you’ll hear a loud inhuman cry coming from the peaceful hole. 

Internet sleuths claim that the noise is just the sound from the hole, while others claim that videos are all faked. 

Residents of Anderstown have yet to comment on this strange noise recorded on film. The Mayor of Anderstown said he was extremely disappointed that people would choose to break into Sinkhole Park. 

Whether the noise coming from the sinkhole is just a scientific phenomenon or a monstrous creature, you can’t deny the sound is the stuff of nightmares!

***

WARNING 

Do NOT fly Drones over, around, or into the sinkhole. 

Violators will be fined $1,000.

Sinkhole Park is NOT responsible for the damage or loss of personal property.

***

For your Safety 

Keep all personal items close to you at all times. 

Sinkhole Park is NOT responsible for the damage or loss of personal property. 

***

St. Gloria: A Groundbreaking Achievement in Subterranean Travel!

By Gwen Palpa

For the past fifteen years, the University of Innovate Technologies has been working diligently on the world’s first subterranean vehicle, which they have called St. Gloria. 

The ship is roughly the shape and size of a Boeing 737, but under the hood is a nuclear engine, and behind the dashboard is a combination of controls from both planes and submarines. 

Lead designer, Dr. Henry Calvada, said St. Gloria has been designed specifically for the 6th Expedition of Anderstown Sinkhole. 

“We are very confident St. Gloria will be well prepared for its mission,” said the doctor. “It could go on forever if the crew so desire.” 

Continued on Page 3B

***

The Sixth Expedition into the Anderstown Sinkhole Begins This Week!

By Linda Albergeti 

This Friday at 3:30 PM GMT, a historic expedition into the Anderstown Sinkhole will begin!

Professor William Hijama, and his colleagues, will be manning the new ship St. Gloria.

Thanks to the vehicle’s nuclear-powered engine, the team will break the previous record of 600ft and even beyond. 

The expedition team will take off from Anderstown Private Airport at 3:35 in the afternoon and dive straight into the Sinkhole. 

While some are concerned about the effects the nuclear-powered engine will have on the environment, Professor Hijama says not to worry…

The expedition discoveries will be broadcasted to Twitch, YouTube, and Twitter in real-time for all to see. This will be the first time the general public will see what lies beneath the legendary sinkhole...

***

Record of Professor William Hijama of the St. Gloria.

7/22 - 3:35 PM 

The dive was successful. 

There was some turbulence, but the vessel remains intact, with no damages to report.

We will continue to descend at a steady speed of fifty miles per hour.

Life Support: 100% 

All crew members are safe, with no injuries to report. 

4:03 PM 

Approaching the six-hundred foot mark.

Strange noises were heard outside the vessel, no signs of life were seen outside the windows by the exterior cameras, and the Central Computer has not reported any damages

Slowing down to forty-five miles per hour at the crew's request.

Life Support: 100% 

All crew members are safe, with no injuries to report. 

4:20 PM 

We have just passed the six-hundred foot mark. 

Crew members are ecstatic and celebratory but still requested we slow our descent to thirty miles per hour. 

The rumbling noises of the vessel have been growing louder but the Central Computer does not detect any signs of damage. 

Life Support: 100% 

Crew members are nervous but safe, with no injuries to report. 

4:50 

Passing the six-hundred-eighty mark, the outside environment appears the same with no anomalies to report. 

Rumbling noises have grown quieter but have not subsided. Central Computer still not detecting any damages. 

The crew requested to slow our descent to twenty-five miles per hour, but we refused.

Life Support: 100% 

Crew members are still nervous but are safe, with no injuries to report.

5:08 PM 

For one short second, a blip appeared on our radar. Unsure if it was a glitch or if it detected an unknown object/lifeform. 

The blip appeared at 20.48980 degrees North and negative 35.69802 degrees West. The outside environment appears the same, and the exterior cameras have not picked up any anomalies. 

The crew is a bit shaken but remains slightly optimistic. They still requested that we slow our descent to twenty-five miles per hour, but it was again denied.

Life Support: 100%

Crew members are still nervous but are safe, with no injuries to report.

5:21 PM

Passed the seven-hundred foot mark, currently experiencing more turbulence than at the point of entry.

Lightning bolts fried Camera One, Camera Six, and Camera Ten. Chef Engineer Ralph Colbert is attempting to repair them from the inside. Other than those three cameras, the Central 

Computer has not reported any other damages. 

Slowing down decent to twenty-five miles per hour for the safety of the crew and the vessel.

Life Support: 100%

Crew members are shaken but safe, with no injuries to report.

5:44 PM 

Turbulence is over. 

Currently at the seven-hundred-thirty foot mark.

The crew is taking a rest while Colbert continues to work on the cameras. 

Continuing descent at twenty-five miles per hour. 

No damages to report. 

Life Support: 100%

Crew members are exhausted, but are safe and uninjured. 

6:01 PM 

Passed the eight-hundred foot mark. 

Radar has picked up an unidentifiable object at the same coordinates as the previous object that had appeared an hour ago.

Instead of disappearing, it’s still on our radar screen and staying relatively motionless.

The environment outside has not changed, and the cameras are not picking up any anomalies. 

Life Support: 100%

Crew members are nervous but safe, no injuries to report. 

6:10 PM 

The object continues to remain on the radar. 

Life Support: 100%

Crew members are feeling uneasy, but remain safe with no injuries to report. 

[At this time, every Livestream broadcasting the expedition’s journey was shut off. But communication between St.Gloria and Mission Control remained constant.]

6:20 

Request to investigate the anomaly.

Life Support: 100% 

Crew members are feeling uneasy, but remain safe with no injuries to report. 

6:50 PM

[Message from Mission Control]

Mission Control: You may. 

6:54 PM

Fifteen miles away from the object.

Speeding up to forty miles per hour. 

The same settling sound has returned, putting the crew on edge. 

The outside environment has not changed, and cameras are not picking up any anomalies. 

Central Computer has not picked up on any damages. 

Life Support: 99% 

Crew members are feeling uneasy, but remain safe with no injuries to report. 

6:59 PM

Ten miles away from the object. 

The engine room reports that a chunk of the wall has just caved in. Waiting to hear back for exact measurements. 

For some reason, life support is failing at a concerning rate. Five engineers are headed to fix the problem. 

The outside environment has not changed, and the cameras are not picking up any anomalies. 

Central Computer has reported damage to the engine, but nothing else. 

Life Support: 89%

The crew members are shaken and feeling uneasy, but are safe and have no injuries to report.

7:02 PM

Seven miles away from the object. 

Multiple reports of walls caving in. 

The five engineers are still working on life support.

The outside environment has not changed, and the cameras are not picking up any anomalies.

Life Support: 80%

The crew are shaken and are feeling uneasy, but are safe and have no injuries to report.

7:03 PM

[From Mission Control]

Abort the mission and head back to the surface!

[Connection failed] 

7:10 PM

[At this point, all communication between St. Gloria and Mission Control was lost]

[It took five years before Mission Control received the following messages from St. Gloria.]

[These messages remain hidden from the public to this day.]

7:12 PM 

Five miles away from the object.

Something is appearing in the distance.

Whatever it is, it almost looks like a mountain. It appears to be pulsating but at the moment, there is no sound coming from it.  

Life support is reaching critical levels. 

I’ve ordered the engineers to fix it but they seem uninterested. 

I can hear the walls caving behind the cabin, but I don’t hear any screaming. 

Life Support: 58% 

Crew members are calm, and safe for the moment, with no injuries to report. 

7:13 PM

Three miles away from the object. 

The mountain-like object has taken up every window of the flight deck, yet we're not even close to touching it, and I cannot identify it.

We’ve lost the tailspin and six crew members. 

They didn’t scream. 

I know I should feel terrified, but I’m not. I feel calm. I don’t care what happens next, I feel a sense of security that everything will be alright. 

The remaining crew members are just as calm as I am. 

We are not afraid. 

We are ready. 

Life Support: 45% 

Six fatalities.

Remaining crew members are safe with no injuries to report. 

[This was the last message Mission Control received from St. Gloria.]