Letting Go For Yourself

I peer into the training room, looking around for my instructor.

As long as I stay away until past lunchtime, he wont see me... Just a little lon-

"Ah, Jamie Adkins. It's kind of you to finally arrive." says the all too familiar voice behind me.

I straighten up and turn around,"Instructor Daniel! I- well I was just coming in!" I lie, trying my best to look him in the eyes.

His glare is the only answer he gives as he glides past me into the room, beckoning me to follow him. I do, although stopping at my own work station, hoping he wont say anything.

Of course I would never be so lucky.

"You know, Jamie. I'm quite sure that you'd have graduated by now if you'd only come to training when you're supposed to."

I flinch, looking everywhere but at him. "You overestimate me, sir."

He scoffs, picking up a few things from the desks behind him.

"Since you came in so late today, we only have time to practice with flame contortion." he says, carrying supplies over to the work table in the center of the room,"Tell me three reasons flame contortion is useful in battle."

I walk over, my arms crossed,"It frightens enemies, creates barriers, and....and it..." I trail off with a shrug. Instructor Danial eyes me with annoyance.

"Proper contortion can allow for surveillance. Correct on the other two. Most fire mages have their own style of flame contortion, but a basic flame works just as well." he says,"Tell me one renowned flame contortion and the mage who conjures it."

"That would be Sorceress Mina and her flaming peacock."

"Correct. You've shown that you're skilled in all areas of flame magic, so I have no doubt that you could do this quite easily. Remember what I taught you. Focus on the kindling, bring forth the fire.

I nod, stepping up to the table. Slowly, I stretch a hand out above the kindling and close my eyes.

You can do this, Jamie. You can. You control the flames. They don't control you. It wont be like that time.

After a moment, I feel heat under my hand. My eyes flicker open to see a flame growing. Instructor Daniel gives me a nod of approval, then beckons me to continue.

I lift my other hand to gain more control over the flame. My mind flickers back to my mothers favorite animal, a giraffe. After the thought crosses my mind, the shape of a small giraffe forms from the flames. From the corner of my eye, I see a shocked expression on Instructor Daniels face.

Nostalgia settles in my chest, that is, until the fear sets in.

Flames dance before my eyes, burning, burning, burning, destroying everything, and everyone. Because of me.

Instructor Daniel suddenly takes my hands in his, making the fire dissipate.

"That is enough for today, I believe." he says, dropping my hands as if they burned him.

Suddenly, the atmosphere of the room changes as the sound of clicking heels fills the room.

We look towards the door. My mouth drops open in shock as the one and only Sorceress Mina Lawrence, Court Mage of King Demitrie, stands in the doorway.

She bows politely,"Greetings."

We bow also, exchanging greetings with her as well.

"I came because...I would like a minute alone with your student, Daniel, if that would be okay." she says, looking from him to me.

Sweat builds upon my neck as Instructor Daniel nods, taking his leave from the room.

Mina walks around the room, inspecting things as she goes. I stand in silence for several minutes before she comes to stand next to me.

"I've heard much about you, Jamie." she says, looking me up and down.

"I've heard much more about you, my lady." I reply nervously,"If I may ask, what is the reason you wished to speak to me?"

"When new students come into the school, I make an effort to look into all of them. Occasionally, a student who is very much like me comes." she takes my hand and gives it a kind pat,"I do my best to look out for them."

"Students... like you?" I repeat, confused.

"Students whose magic manifested in a violent and terrible way." she explains. Her words hit me like a brick, causing me to stumble backwards.

Memories of that terrible night flash through my head like lightening. Fire and smoke. Blood and charred flesh. The sound of screams and death. Because, because of-

Mina takes my hands again, turning me back towards her.

"They would not want you to do this to yourself."

"I killed them." I spit, shaking my head sorrowfully, tears threatening to fall.

"As I did mine." she replies, looking into my eyes,"And I live with that everyday. As everyone like us must do. We cannot take it back and we cannot change it. However, it is our responsibility to learn to control and use our magic so that it never happens again."

"But the Kings mages do battle and kill anyways."

"Yes, we do. We do it for our people and our kingdom. But that is what we choose. Not every student who studies here becomes a battle-mage." she sighs,"When you master your magic you have the choice to leave, and many do. I did, for a time. Not long, though. I knew my skills were of use here." she pauses for a long moment before licking her lips and continuing,"You are one of the most naturally inclined mages in the kingdom."

"You have much potential, Jamie. I want to help you reach it. Daniel tries, but he does not understand."

"What are you saying?"

"I want to take you under my wing. To become my apprentice and rise to a higher standard."

My heart races at her words. A sorceress of her caliber would not make this offer lightly.

A teacher who understands, who can guide me through the horror of my past...

"...And at the end, if I wish to leave, I can?"

"Yes, although I hope you would stay."

"I make no promises on that front, but...I want to try."

A beautiful smile graces Mina's face.

"My girl, we will go to great places. Come." she motions to follow her as she leaves the room.

I hope we do. I think back to the giraffe, to my mother. I hope...