Sing Me a Lullaby

I love Maria.

Maria is a beautiful girl. She has a calming voice. She loves to sing. She loves conveying the emotion of every song she performs. The thing is, I’m her only audience – and sadly, she doesn’t know who I am. She only sings to herself and I’m lucky enough to witness her mini concerts. I love the fact that I can indulge my self in my muse’s greatness, but it’s also a shame that other people cannot hear her.

She has always been alone. Her parents never really seemed to care about her. I wish they can look at Maria the way they look at Minerva, their eldest. People says that Minerva is the best of the best young ladies in this small town. She can dance, she can act, she can sing. Minerva might be the best in all aspects but not in singing. If only people can hear Maria, they will think otherwise. They will be enchanted with Maria as well.

Unlike Minerva that is loved by all, Maria is always alone. She has no friends. Maybe because her older sister, Minerva, shines so bright that Maria’s gentle light were overwhelmed. She has always been timid, nervous, and shy but she has also been patient, kind, and loving. She might also be a little too naïve and too trusting.

That’s why when she met Luis, a young theater actor from a far city, the only person who noticed her and promised her sweet nothings, she fell hard. She gave everything she can. In the end, he was worse than the people who neglected her. He let the poor young lady believed that she wasn’t alone anymore but left her without even saying goodbye. Luis is like a shooting star. He was that flicker of hope for Maria that disappeared so quickly.

For the first time, Maria has been noticed by the crowd. Her parents noticed her. But it wasn’t at all good, she was drove out from their main house. She was forced to live with her auntie at the farthest place in the town. The people treated her like a criminal. She was criticized, she was the topic of every malicious chitchat. Minerva, her sister, scoffed at her.

Maria was mocked. She was the talk of the town just because she fell in love.

She was heartbroken. She was lost. She never wished for fame. She just wanted someone to treat her like she mattered. She was shoved from low to the lowest, leaving like a dead person.

After some months, the news about Maria somehow died down. But there are still some buzzes that never really left. Maria thought she lost everything already. She was quiet from all those times. She even stopped singing.

Marissa, her auntie that took her in, sympathized with her ‘foolish’ niece, because she knew Maria did nothing wrong. Love isn’t a sin that makes one a bad person. She did not steal anything from anyone. She just fell in love.

As for me, the day Maria found herself singing was the first time I fell in love. That very first instance I heard her voice, I already knew that I loved her. The thing is, she was crying at that time. I still loved her voice but I can sense her sorrow that it makes me want to cry.

She was still beautiful. I am glad that even in small paces, she was being her old self. She still has a lot of anxiety episodes but she was getting better. I hope she can learn how to smile from her heart.

I wanted to give her the warmest hug and tell her that she doesn’t have to think about what other people say.

Too bad, she doesn’t know that I exist.

I wanted to comfort her and maker her happy at times when she’s down and lonely.

Too bad, she doesn’t know that I exist.

I wanted to give her strength in exchange of this beautiful feeling she has given me.

Too bad, she doesn’t know that I exist.

I wanted to tell her how beautiful she is, God, I really wanted to, but I cannot find my voice to tell her how much she means to me.

Too bad, she doesn’t know that I exist.

I wanted to kiss her and assure her that everything will be alright, that I will be here for her all the time.

Too bad, she doesn’t know that I exist.

I just wanted to tell her I love her.

Too bad, she doesn’t know that I exist.

I do not know how long I am carrying this feeling for Maria. All I know is that I want to protect her.

If I will tell her I love her, will she be happy?

Will she be thankful?

Will she accept me?

All these thoughts were running through my head. I’m afraid that she will not give me a chance because I can tell that she’s still heartbroken.

Will she be able to embrace me?

I am overwhelmed with the fear that she does not want me.

Will you accept me?

When I realized that I gained the courage I needed, I decided to make her known of my existence.

But at the very moment I reached out to her, she hated it. I don’t know why she jolted all of a sudden. She looked frightened, angry, and sad at the same time. I felt like my heart sank. She was my first and only love, but she was also my first heartbreak. I never thought that being pushed away and not being welcomed will hurt like this.

Suddenly, I can’t breathe. She is weeping like crazy. She hated me, I guess. Maybe I looked like a monster to her.

Am I, Maria?

Did I do anything wrong? Or is my very existence the one that is wrong?

I let out a silent sorrowful cry.

I have loved her all my life, but I guess Maria cannot accept me.

I gave up getting close to her. I will only silently love her I thought.

I still love Maria.

I kind of stay low for quite a while to mend my broken heart. I did not approach her; I did not let her feel like I’m a nuisance she needs to avoid. I just kept quiet. I silently waited for her to open up her heart to me.

Will you ever accept me, Maria?

With all these in mind, I fell asleep.

I woke up from a nerve-racking head ache. It’s like something is pulling my head out of my body. The pain is unbearable, I struggled so much. My life is in danger. I need to fight. I need to live. I need to see Maria. I need to hear her. I need to be there for her even if she does not want me.

I wanted to give her the warmest hug and tell her that she doesn’t have to think about what other people say.