Family code

She hadn't found it yet. A formula for people for understanding them and interacting with them.

Sonata liked formulas, variables leading to an end result like hydrogen + oxygen equals water, she liked such easy steps to follow and easily fell in love with her dog Mars once she found a formula for him too—first scratch behind the ear, then back, stomach then rub his temples and he was joyful mess seeking to please.

She'd found one for her coworkers too, it involved polite greetings, friendly waves and altogether dancing around the fine boundary she'd set right between like and dislike—tolerance— were if something were to happen and she was accused of murder none of them would be able to vouch for her but won't be able to say she did it either it was wonderful and less burdensome in her opinion.

Those formulas didn't work for the person in front of her.

Sonata sat stiffly in the leather chair, back straight as a pencil, her knees tightly pressed against one another so there's no gap, her hands on her lap with her fingertips stealthily placed underneath her lab coat so they could shake in peace, her head straightforward, chin up, shoulders squared a full on battle position yet she felt defeated even though the battle hadn't yet begun because in the end she couldn't meet his eyes.

The office was cool almost cold yet her insides are twisted and a light sheen of sweat had settled on the back of her neck she curled and uncurled her fingers underneath her coat.

"So what was it this time?"

Sonata flinched once he spoke his voice sounded tired, fed up but somewhere underneath she sensed the suppressed anger that promised the madness that came when hell breaks loose.

Sonata fixed her gaze on his table eyes breezing through the familiar items there; a green mug with crumbling words that said Hulk smash!, a signed golf ball seating on a small red pillow, a collection of pens with all the Disney princesses, her eyes lingered on the family photo closest to him bright smiles eating sunlight and fingertips touching the sky, she could vaguely hear laughter in her ears and taste the joy on her tongue, it was nostalgic.

The word that came to her mind whenever she looked at that photo did so again.

Family.

It gave her some courage to answer and gave an extra boost to her shoulders as her gaze rested on his name.

Nelan Kieffer.

"I was late"

Silence replied her. Charged vocal silence that was sounding alarms in her head. She kept her gaze on his name and she felt his on her face, it felt like laser beams warming up her face and threatening to melt it.

Sonata finally lifted her eyes and met his...she was right about the lasers. Light brown eyes that held anger in them that she knew wasn't completely directed at her stared her down.

"You're saying he did this shit again because you were late?"

Venomous honey. That's what his voice sounded like in her ears Nelan had a natural soothing voice like honey and even though his words were laced with venom honey was its foundation.

Her eyes went to his name again before giving the answer she'd rehearsed.

"It's my fault, he specifically told me when to come and I was late it's only natural he was upset"

Tap.

Nelan's finger hit the table lightly following her words, it sounded like a lie detector going off in her ears.

"Is that what you really think? That it's only natural? You didn't feel wronged or upset in the slightest, is that what you're saying?"

Bullshit.

It was still fresh in her mind it happened two days ago, she remembered how she rushed her meetings and everything else, she remembered how her sweaty her palms were, how nervousness wrapped around her stomach and anxiety settled in her chest once she got an inkling that she might not make it on time, she remembered how she rushed out of her car and how her hands shook because among the three people who she'd met that her formulas didn't work on in the slightest her uncle was the most unpredictable of them all.

He'd told her to come by 5:30. She came by 5:31. A minute late, it was one damn minute yet his furious face flashed behind her eyelids in the split second she blinked. He'd asked her to get changed as he'd done before and she rushed to make sure she did it under a minute.

She remembered how hot she felt, how the sweat on her back, neck and arms were quickly turning cold even though she'd changed into a sports bra and biker shorts that were far more comfortable and less restricting than her suit yet the heat she felt, the cold sweat, the fear. It was all too fresh.

Training. He called it training, teaching her self-defense. That had been it at the beginning, the very beginning when she was still completely floating on the clouds and fully submerged in her dreams when she both internally and externally believed those delusions. Now it was just a convenient way to beat her up when he got upset.

He didn't give her room, no pointers, no moment to catch her breath, he'd just rained down on her and from experience she knew it was nothing like the Holy Ghost.

When she could finally catch her breath, when it had all ended, she remembered her whole body ached, her heavy breathing and low groans as she knelt on the training mat with her body pressed down low and her head on the mat. She was groveling as she apologised she remembered her exact words.

"I humbly apologise I was in the wrong. I have no excuses to give it won't happen again. I'm very sorry"

It was riddled with lies. Humble? What nonsense. No excuses? She had solid reasons. Sorry? She had no emotion close to it.

She remembered his reply the two words he'd used time and again that was engraved right down to her soul along with all it entailed.

"We're family"

Out of all the lies and half truths that was one truth she accepted and couldn't deny.

"Family stick together. We upset each other but we're still family try to be on time next time so I won't get upset"

This one was a 50:50 for her because it felt like he was the only one even allowed to get upset but it'd only lasted a moment before she gave her simple reply.

"Yes, uncle"

She remembered Nelan's question wronged? upset? It was overflowing but she recalled what her uncle had told her.

Family code #10: Family should solve their problems on their own.

So as she met Nelan's eyes she gave her rehearsed answer.

"I'm not upset and it was just training so I can defend myself"

She didn't know what she expected a sigh of resignation, a look of pity perhaps but Nelan grabbed the rug from beneath her feet with the intense anger in his eyes.

"What nonsense! The only one you should be defending against is that bastard. You should get a restraining order. Defence my ass" Nelan didn't hold back and kept mumbling low cusses to himself.

Satisfaction bordering joy it was like a bird colony in their usual V formation soaring from her stomach to her chest, she thoroughly enjoyed the feeling.

She always felt like this when Nelan spoke this way, because they were words she couldn't say and couldn't allow herself to think of for too long.

Again she gave her rehearsed answer to fulfill her duty.

"Don't be like that. It's normal, all families have disagreements we're over it and please don't talk about a restraining order again, why would I do that to my family?"

Nelan surprised her again, this time she expected an explosion but his eyes were calm, the fire was the burning but it was tame as he stared at her wordlessly.

Nelan rose from his seat, his thin brown fingers raked through his black hair riddled with specks of silver. He moved to stand in front of her, she felt small with him towering over her and she knows it won't make any difference even if she stood up.

But she didn't feel scared or intimidated she'd never say it out loud but Nelan was like a father too her.

She gripped her coat in her hands as her mind went to work scolding her. Nelan wasn't her family he was fake he had a family of his own all she had was her uncle. He was her only family.

Pat.

Nelan's hand dropped on her head, her hair was in low tight ponytail at the base of her neck that took a lot of effort but she felt like he put that into consideration as he didn't ruffle it up like he usually did.

Sonata looked up at him feeling nothing but warmth and comfort.

He looked her dead in the eye and spoke in a low voice while the natural honey did the rest.

"Family isn't a chain to tie you down"

Is that it? Chains? Did she feel chained down?

Nelan reached for something on the table she saw the family photo in his hand he angled it in a way they could both see as a smile she couldn't describe and was certain she'd never had or will wriggled on to his face.

Satisfaction. Fulfilment. Joy

That seemed to be it. She looked at the photo his wife was smiling brightly, unrestrained as she held onto the legs of her son who sat on her shoulders with an even brighter smile that rivaled the sunlight that shone down. Nelan stood next to her with a similar smile his eyes crinkled at the corners as he looked up at his daughter who was mid air eating up the sun with no care in the world with her father's arms below outstretched and ready to catch her.

Nelan's smile became wider as he spoke.

"They are the people who lift you up. Sonata is that how it is with your uncle? Are you chained down or are you being held up?"

Something tightened in her chest and stomach. He knew the answer and in some weird way she felt as if he was mocking her but she knew she'd brought it on herself feigning ignorance.

As she looked at the picture even though she knows it isn't right she felt jealous and wondered why she didn't have that and never had it.

She didn't want to hear anymore, she wanted to leave. She removed Nelan's hand from her head.

"I'm leaving now, sir" she said as she stood up and met his eyes.

Sir. The meaning was simple your my boss don't butt into my personal life.

As her hand wrapped the door knob she heard Nelan's voice, professional and authoritative.

"Miss Manchester, let this not happen again I will step in if it does as it's affecting your work and I won't hesitate to do as I please"

Miss Manchester. A nice counter attack.

She left the office after dropping four words that at least to her meant her victory.

"I understand, Dr. Kieffer"

Five steps. She hadn't taken up to five steps when the third person on her list of unpredictable people stood in front of her.

Emel Fray.

"Hey, Soso"

He had a wide smile but for reason she wanted to hurry up and leave, she felt unsettled.

"It's Sonata not Soso, Emelia" she said falling into their usual routine with a sigh.

Emel's smile that stretched even wider disappeared without a trace as his eyes landed on her arms that looked bigger underneath the sleeves of her coat because of the bandages.

That unsettling feeling grew in her stomach.

He placed his hand on her head lightly, so light she almost didn't feel it before it slid down and rested on her cheek.

Emel didn't pull the rug from under her, he chopped off her legs altogether.

"Family, friends, coworkers all of them are relationships. It's give and take, it's not by force and you have to maintain them. So if one of those relationships, any at all are toxic and only weigh you down so much it's practically useless baggage. By all means cut them off"

Right in the nose, she felt like he socked her right in the nose. All she could think of was that he'd heard. There was no question or need to debate on it.

She didn't meet his eyes as she sidestepped him and walked away as fast as possible.

Chains. Baggage. Cut them off.

Those words plagued her mind in the stead of the people who spoke them as she did a wonderful job of avoiding them and in unavoidable situations showing her nonexistent anger since that day.

Sonata stood on the balcony letting the cool breeze dance around her and didn't even try to divide her attention from the moon that dominated it while the soft slow music and light chatter served as background noise it was the perfect setting to relax but she couldn't because he was here.

Her uncle was here somewhere among the crowd of people inside. She'd made sure she had ten minutes to spare when she went to pick him up earlier. He'd kept her by his side showing off they were related and how proud he was.

Nonsense.

He was simply waving around his golden goose and ticket to high strung parties with wealthy people.

Rewind a few years back and even the bare minimum he gave her back then of seeing her once a month was a very hard chore.

Sonata wondered if her mom would have felt that way. Her mom that had put in so much more time and effort in raising her brother than she did for her own daughter. She tried to find the answer in her uncle the one who was closest to her and the only link to her mother.

Forget family, that was probably the main reason. He was the closest connection to her mother who she didn't know much about but had endless curiosity about. Her mother who right until the end chose him over her.

Sonata dropped her glass as she entered inside after seeing the time. She felt like a spy analyzing the safest route for her to pass without meeting people and having useless conversations.

She felt she did a good job as she stood in front of her destination she knocked on the door. Once. Twice. Then two more before entering.

"Unc–"

Her uncle was splayed out on the couch a perfect mess compared to how he'd walked in by her side, a wine glass dangled from his hand and the smell of alcohol increased the closer she got to him. She saw two flasks next to him on the couch. They were empty.

She cautiously started to put things in order. Removing the glass, finding his missing shoe and making him presentable. As she moved to help him he jerked upright.

"That damn girl, a useless bitch just like her mother bringing me to this damn fancy party!" His words were a bit slurred but very clear.

Nelan pulled rugs from under her, Emel at times took her legs but her uncle made her world spin before slamming her on the the ground and burying her deep.

It wasn't the first time he'd spoken like this to her but this was the first he'd spoken about her mother in such a manner.

She tapped his cheek as she helped him up so he could see who was in front of him and control himself but as he groggily opened his eyes and recognized her the words that left his mouth shoved her underground some more.

"It's you, that stupid woman's daughter. Do you know both of you are so alike, both useless bitches"

Sonata felt like the aftermath of a natural disaster as she sat in her car and drove her uncle back home.

She'd gone to Emel and Nelan for help before sitting in the car while they not so gently carried him and deposited him in the back seat. She wasn't in the right place to talk and zoomed off after a short thank you.

Her uncle's words played in her head and she gripped the steering wheel even tighter.

Anger. She felt it rising from her insides and slowly curling up around everything within her.

Useless? Bitch? That's what he'd called her mother the woman who died while rushing to get him out of the police station. The woman who missed her recitals, who was always missing in the crowd of parents and always because she was with him and he dared to say that.

Sonata felt like she'd explode from the anger towards him, herself and her mother.

To him for being such an ungrateful bastard, to herself for stupidly believing she would find her mom or any kind of solace around him, to her mom for wasting her time on him.

She'd left him in his apartment before zooming off to hers knowing he'd have a serious migraine and it won't just be from a hangover.

As Sonata sat on the floor of her apartment her back pressed against the door she recalled her conversation with Nelan and Emel.

"Are you chained down or are you being held up?"

She could finally see the thick chains around her ankles with the word family for the first time.

Emel's words came next.

By all means cut them off.

She pulled out her phone and once she heard Nelan's honey coated voice she spoke.

"I want a restraining order"

She'd cut them off by all means.