which one does it make friendship better?

After I worked as an actor at a small local theater, I rushed out of the theater to meet my best friend, Mari.

I arrived first and I turned around.

“There she is,” I said in my head.

She was walking toward me with a plastic bag, wearing baggy jeans and a black leather jacket front open. Her long dark hair was floating in the wind.

She is a quiet introverted person, and the most intelligent and insightful person I know.

We were at “our place”, a long dusty white table attached to a waist height wall that divide the river and the ground.

The river was reflecting the red and white colored lights of an overpopulated district in Osaka, and it had purple lining light on both edges.

Local extravaganza, our taste. I got a can of Asahi beer, and she got a bottle of Smirnoff.

We spread a plastic bag on the table and put our drink on it to prevent our drinks from picking up the dust.

She suddenly looked at my face with her dark brown eyes.

“Ken, similarities or differences, which one does it make friendship more flourishing?” she asked.

I was astonished by the question for a moment, and I reached my beard to pretend I wasn’t.

“I think it depends on individuals,” I answered with an upward pitch to express my confusion.

‘That’s the most boring answer!” she angrily said.

She put her drink on the table, and she pivoted her body toward me and rest her right elbow on the table.

“Then what do you think about our friendship, which one do you think we bonded over?” she asked

I also put my drink on the table, and I turned my body to her and placed my left elbow on the table.

“Definitely over differences,” I promptly answered.

She slightly smiled like she knew I was going to say that, and she took a glance at the river.

After she took a sip of her drink, she looked me back again.

“What about you and Ryo?” she asked.

“Over similarities,” I promptly answered too.

“So, which one is more comfortable for you?” she asked.

I looked up for a moment to think.

“Probably with Arden? Our conversation is always very smooth,” I answered.

She frowned a little bit, obviously she wasn’t satisfied with my answer.

“Then similarities are more important to you?” she lowered her pitch almost unnoticeable amount and asked.

“I wouldn’t say that,” I answered immediately

I recognized that her face got brighter, and I continued.

“Because, the friendship with Ryo is like a embodiment of comfort zone, it is super safe and cozy but sometimes it is too safe, I love it though,” I said.

“Then, how do you describe our friendship?” she slightly leaned toward me and asked.

“Our friendship is like a living thing, like it has its own emotions,” I answered with a weird hand gesture.

“Ken! You are being very vague again. Can you explain more?” she said with an obvious confusion.

“Oh sorry, let me try it again,” I said.

while I was constructing the explanation, we both took a sip of our drinks.

“I think the biggest thing is that I can learn a lot from our differences, when I’m with Ryo, there’s not a lot of moments that make me think there may be another way to think about this or see this” I said.

Her face was still expressing her confusion.

“Probably I need a more detailed example,” I thought.

So I decided to bring up an old memory as an example.

“Do you remember when I was struggling right after we got into a high school?” I asked.

She looked up for a while and quickly turn her face to me with wide-open eyes.

“Yes, I do! You looked so fucked up!” she said with a laugh.

I sighed. I was already regretting bringing this up.

“Yes, that one,” I said.

When I moved into a new high school because of my parents, I struggled to make new friends.

I have been an attention-seeker and I had never had a problem with making friends.

However the friend groups were already diamond solid and nobody had a space for a new guy.

I was so afraid to be alone so, I became more desperate so as my attention-seeking behavior.

I did literally everything to get my classmate’s attention, buying what’s popular at that time that I don’t need, and doing stupid things that I don’t want to do just to be seen.

I could get their attention temporarily, but like I said they didn’t have a space for me and I had been gradually drained by doing all those things day by day.

I got completely devasted and I was sitting at a bench alone in the school yard, she walked up to me holding a book.

She must have realized something was wrong with me.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I smiled only with my mouth.

“Nothing! I was just relaxing,” I said.

She sighed a little bit and sat down on the bench.

“Quit the man’s ego shit! Your smile is not reaching your eyes, it is obvious that something is wrong,” she strongly said.

I gave up covering it up and told her about my situation in the new school.

She looked genuinely worried while I was telling her.

I finished the explanation and I was filled with gloom.

“I hate this attention-seeking trait, it’s the worst side of me,” I said.

“No, I don’t think so,” she said.

“This what you call “attention-seeking trait” is one of the best things about you, and it’s one of the most important trait that makes you, you” she said.

I couldn’t hide my surprise.

“I don’t really understand, what do you mean?” I asked.

“You are showing the trait in a wrong way now, you’re controlled by the trait,” she said.

“Doesn’t that mean it’s a bad trait?” I asked.

“No, when it’s performed in a right way, that trait make you courageous and entertaining, just like when you were in a school play in a few years ago,” she said.

I took a little time to access to the old memory and when I was done, she was about to talk again so I let her.

“You volunteered to play the protagonist when everyone was too shy to take the huge responsibility. And you nailed it, nobody could play the role as good as you did and as confident as you were.” she said.

She took a little pause to catch her breath and continued.

“That is the trait that introverted people like me dream to have,” she said.

I was so moved by her beautiful words and probably I got my tears in my eyes.

“Everything even things that seem perfect can be enemies in certain circumstances, so don’t try to change your amazing side. Let’s try to figure out a way to prevent it from manifesting in a harmful way, I will help you” she said.

I took the last sip of my beer and shook a little bit to make sure nothing is left.

“After that conversation, I joined a play club and things in school got better, it’s even my passion now,” I said.

She proudly smiled.

“All I did was that I gave you the perspective of introverted person,” she said.

I gave her a little smile.

“If I dealt with it without you, I couldn’t be who I am now. So I really appreciate that you gave me your perspective.” I said.

She looked away nervously.

“I just helped you to understand bad manifestation of the good trait, you are the one who did the work,” she said.

I wanted to show my appreciation more but I inferred that lead us only to awkwardness, so I decided to say just one sentence.

“Thank you for embracing our differences,” I said.

I could see a bit of awkwardness on her face so I continued to get back where this was started.

“Anyway about the question, I don’t want to say one is better than the other, but personally I like the friendship with differences from my experience,” I said.

She giggled and nodded quickly. She tacked her hair behind her left ear, and she finished her drink.