A Walk in the Park

The air feels nice on my face. I think I really needed this. Who knew life could be so hard? 

The flowers look pretty today. Really pretty. Look how bright and vibrant that lilac is. I need a picture of this. It’ll look great in my portfolio! Maybe it’ll be great enough to get me that internship! I’ll send it to Michael and see what he thinks of it! He always knows just what to say!

Wait… He’s busy. He’s always busy. I’m lucky if I even get a good morning from him. It hasn’t even been a week since he moved back home, but it feels like forever. It feels like hell. I feel like no matter how much I try to explain to him that I need that communication, he just doesn’t understand. Or he forgets. Or maybe he’s ignoring how I feel? No, that can’t be. He loves me. I love him. We’re in love.

Oh, right. The flowers. How weird? They don’t seem as bright as what they were a minute ago. Come on, just take the picture, you need this for your portfolio. You need this for the internship. You need this internship.

Just angle the camera, let it focus, and sna- Wait a minute! Was that my phone? Was that a text? Is it from Micheal? 

No! Stop it! Focus! If he’s not going to give you the time of day whenever he’s busy, then you sure as hell aren’t going to do it for him! Get a hold of yourself! Just snap the stupid picture!

But I can’t… I need to see what he said. I need to reply to him. I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him.

‘How are you?’ Really? That’s all you have to say! It’s been three hours and all you have to say is how are you! This is stupid! You’re stupid! Life is stupid!

But, I should respond. I need to respond. Here, I’ll just take this photo real quick and then respond.

Come on! That picture looks awful! Why can’t I do this? How did I even make it to the finals of this stupid internship!

‘I’m fine. You?’ Are you kidding yourself? You’re not fine! You’re anything but fine!

Come on! I didn’t go on this walk to torture myself with Micheal! I came out here to clear my head and work. To do what I love. To work on forwarding my career. I just need to focus.

That tree looks really pretty. A little magical even! This will be the shot. I just need to get the right angle. It’ll look great once I edit it. Add some sparkles. Some small fairies maybe. Maybe it’ll be so good my parents will actually pay attention to what I do! Maybe they’ll finally acknowledge my work! But what if they don’t? I mean, they haven’t cared about me since I was in middle school. They haven’t cared what I do since I was so young. Ever since I left for college. I don’t know. I just haven’t grabbed their attention.

What am I expecting? For them to frame it and hang it on the wall? For them to hang it on the fridge? I don’t know. Maybe a little. I mean… it’s better than having them sit it somewhere, just for it to piled up on and eventually thrown away. 

Would you look at that? What happened to the poor tree? It looks sad now. Hopeless even. I can’t use that in my portfolio. It’ll make me look so depressed and hopeless. I can’t have the photography industry and future clients look at me like that! All of my other work looks so magical and hopeful! Why can’t I do that anymore?

Maybe I need to sit down… there is a bench over there. I can just sit there and clear my thoughts. 

The sky’s really pretty today. Look at it. Just the right mixture of reds and oranges and yellows. I can just imagine somebody flying by on a flying carpet or pegasus! Maybe this could be the one! This can be the one that gets me that internship! The one that sky rockets my career! It’ll be in magazines and on billboards! My inbox will be blowing up!

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this! Just pick up the camera. Let it focus. One. Two. Three. And. Snap! 

It looks great! It looks amazing! I need to tell Micheal!

‘That’s great! Okay! Gotta go! We’re going to celebrate Izzy’s birthday! Love you and talk to you later!’

Really? Can nothing go my way? Why does the universe hate me so much? Why can’t anything just be about me? Just for one time! Is that too much to ask? Why is there always something that overshadows me? Something that always overshadows my work? 

I need to move my legs! I need to stretch! I need to walk! I need to! I don’t know!

I just wish that one time something would go my way and that I can get the spotlight for just a minute. Why am I not important enough? What happened to me? Life used to be so good. So blissful. What happened to those days? Maybe I just need to quit everything! Maybe that’ll make things better.

… 

… 

…

But will it? I mean, if I just quit, will that really benefit me? I mean, I have this great photo and people do like my work. If they didn’t I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I did for this internship. ‘Great work! Very inspiring! It really tells a story!’ If I was hopeless, would people respond in that way?

… 

I think I know what I need to do: I need to go home, leave my phone there, grab my stuff, and return to this park.

I can do this! I can turn my life around! Once I get this internship, I’ll be able to start fresh and be happy!

Okay. I’m ready to do this.