She, He, and the Waiter

Hmmm…the pork knuckle with fries or a salad?  She thought to herself.  Black and green olives, bell peppers, onions, kale, croutons, and salmon.  This salad has a lot going on.

“So, I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard.  Trying to get cut up for the summer” he said.

This had been a nice spring so far.  The air was cool and breezy.  It made her hopeful for a summer filled with cocktails on the beach.  She wondered what summer cocktails they might have on the menu. 

“Yeah, I don’t go to the gym to get healthier.  I go to the gym to look good” he chuckled to himself.  She looked up from the menu momentarily with a frown on her face.  She wanted to make sure he understood that he wasn’t funny.  Instead of picking up on that hint, he assumed that her lack of laughter meant she didn’t hear him.  He repeated his “joke” and laughed even louder revealing his child-size teeth.  She wondered how a man in his 30s had such tiny teeth.  Maybe he didn’t get enough calcium as a kid.  She didn’t look up from the menu at the second failed execution of his “joke”.  She no longer felt the need to coddle him into thinking he was better than he actually was.  His ego was inflated enough.  He continued to talk at her, never really noticing that she wasn’t paying attention.  Besides, even if he didn’t have her attention now, he would see to it that his voice was heard.  He came to lunch that day wanting to pick things up where they had let off.  She came to lunch that day wanting to make sure that that past stayed right where it was.  Luckily, the waiter came.

“What are you two having today?  And did you want anything besides water to drink ma’am?” the waiter asked.

“Yeah, don’t you typically get a vodka sour?  She’ll have one of those”

“No thanks, I’ll stick with sparkling water, and I’ll have the pork knuckle with fries.  And my drink of choice is a tequila sunrise,” she replied.  He ignored her correction.

“You’re not getting a cocktail?  I thought you always get a cocktail?” he asked with a dismayed tone.

“Nope, not this time.  Just sparkling water” She didn’t want him to think for a moment that he was going to be getting her drunk.  She even turned down his offer to pick her up because she did not want him to know where her new apartment was.

“I’ll have a BLT, extra mayo, and a side of fries.  I’ll take another juice too” he said to the waiter.

“No cocktail for you?” She asked in a snarky tone.

“No.  I don’t really feel like it”.

She could tell that he was disappointed that she wouldn’t be getting drunk.  He continued to talk about his unnoticeable gym improvements as she looked at him somewhat expressionless while occasionally nodding. She wanted to at least give the appearance of listening to him, you know because it was the polite thing to do.  Behind him was a display of freshly baked cupcakes.  The scent was heavenly.  Smells of blueberry, chocolate, and vanilla.  She looked at the menu to see how much they cost in hopes of grabbing a dozen on the…

“So anyway, I haven’t seen you in the gym lately.  Where have you been?” 

She thought to herself “why was he looking for me?”

“I’ve been working out at home.  I don’t know, I just want to be by myself these days.  Plus, this time of the year, that gym is super crowded.  I typically work out at…”

“At-home workouts aren’t that effective.  There are too many distractions, and you can’t really push yourself” He interrupted.

She always wondered why he never seemed to have a problem with interrupting her.  He had never apologized for his interruptions, not even once.  It was as though he felt that anything she had to say wasn’t nearly as important as what he had to tell her.

“Are you doing any traveling any time soon?” She asked in an attempt to change the subject and not get further irritated.  That was her new mechanism for tolerating this man that she had the misfortune of working with.  She went against her intuition and gave him a chance when.  A decision she had grown to regret.  Luckily, they didn’t work in the same office, just in the same building.  On average they saw each other twice a week at work.  And twice, was too many times.

“I haven’t looked into travel lately but as I recall, you and I are supposed to travel together somewhere,” he said while leaning towards her with the best version of an angelic smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.  She took a long hard sip of her water, paused, and replied “I recall YOU saying that you wanted to travel together somewhere.  I personally have a few festivals that I already have tickets for.  The last festival I went to, was the Rose Festival, I went last month for my birthday.  I had a blast!  So much food, music, dancing, and yeah, a bunch of roses.”

His twinkling eyes darted away from her, and his smile melted to a blinking expression.  He had forgotten her birthday.  They weren’t together at the time because she had broken up with him months beforehand but now, he knows that she knows, that he doesn’t know her birthday.  

“I heard those festivals can be fun, but they aren’t for me though.  Too many people and I am not into all the dancing.  I don’t know, maybe I’ll go to the mountains or something when I have some time off” he flippantly responded.

She noted that he didn’t take the opportunity to wish her a happy belated birthday, but she’s come to expect that from him.  The waiter came with their food.  The smell of roasted pork wafted through the air.  She bowed her head and put her hands together to pray over her food as he continued to talk at her about something she didn’t care about.  She prayed to thank God for life, nourishment, and for the health of those in need. She asked if the Lord could bless her with a man who had respect enough to shut the fuck up when she was praying.

“I can’t believe that dude from accounting is marrying some chick he met off the internet.  It’s so weird” he said with a big bite of BLT in his mouth.  He had mayo on his chin, but she didn’t bother telling him.  He swallowed and immediately took another big bite, spewing mayo on his shirt.  The bright white mayo contrasted with his black faded stretched-out shirt.  He looked like he had just rolled out of bed, and grabbed whatever was clean, which resulted in him wearing five shades of black.  That was another sign to her back then, a sign that he wasn’t trying.  He would wear a plain black or white shirt with black or grey shorts.  Today she wore her new sweater.  Why not?  The weather called for it and looking her best when meeting an ex was an effective way of showing him what he had lost.  

“You got a little something on your shirt there.  Oh yeah, you mean Mark.  I congratulated him yesterday.  I am glad he found someone, and his fiancé is pretty cool.  She’s come by the office a couple of times.  Mark is a good guy…”

“He can’t be that good of a guy if he has to turn to the internet to find a date”.

“What is that supposed to mean?  Lots of people find love online.  This dude used a dating app.  It’s not like he got on back page on Craigslist” she said with an annoyed tone.  She knew what was coming.  They were going to bicker.  They always bickered.  She realized two months into seeing him that they didn’t really have much in common and that he merely mimicked some of her likes.  Over time he didn’t bother continuing the facade.  He had gotten comfortable in their relationship, and it was clear that he no longer felt the need to impress her.  She blamed herself for dating a man out of boredom.  This lack of commonality and poor communication resulted in them frequently bickering.  She was taken aback that he seemingly wanted to get back together even though they were a poor match.  She took that as another sign that he doesn’t consider how she feels.  He was supposed to transfer to another location, but the company decided to keep him.  When she broke things off with him, he didn’t care much at the time because he thought he was going to be leaving.  Now that he was going to be staying put, he felt bothered every time he had to see her at work.

“Listen, people can just find someone the old-fashioned way.  Dating apps are for hooking up only.  It’s weird that he did that.  Then again Mark is weird.” he explained

“What's weird about him?” she asked abruptly

“I don’t know.  He’s kind of nerdy.  This guy always wants to talk about Star Wars or some other fantasy stuff.  You know he got everyone riled up talking about Game of Thrones around his desk one time?  No work got done that day!”

“It was a Friday before a holiday, no work was going to get done regardless” she justifiably replied

“I don’t know.  That dude is just a weirdo.  I hear that he still lives at home with his mom.  A man his age, still at home with his mom is pathetic” he went on to say.

“Across cultures, it is common for children to not move out until they get married.  It’s financially a good choice for both the parents and their adult child.  Besides, his home life is none of our business.  You make it seem like Mark is so old.  He is only two years older than me” she responded and then ate another bite of her meal.  She figured the dopamine release from eating one of her favorite meals may stop her from screaming at him.  She had deliberately brought up her age because she knew how much it bothered him that he had dated a woman who was older than him.  He didn’t realize the six-year age gap until she mentioned it two weeks into their relationship.  She remembered the shocked, confused, and contemplative look on his face.  As though he was debating if he would continue to date this spinster.  She thought it was amusing and would occasionally bring up her age to irritate him.

“He has other weirdo behavior.  I just can’t think of any examples right now” he said

“So far you have just pointed out that he lives with his parents, he is obsessed with Game of Thrones like a lot of other people, and he met a woman that he plans on marrying online.  What is so weird about any of that?  Where do you expect people to find love?  It isn’t that easy for everyone to find someone at work, at school, at a wedding, through friends like they use to” she explained. 

“Listen...”

He tried to interrupt but she wouldn’t let him and spoke louder over him.

“If you have exhausted all of the traditional ways of finding someone, what else can you do but turn to a dating app?” she asked.

“If you’ve done all of that and still haven’t found anyone, then there is something wrong with you!” he said matter-of-factly.

She was appalled but maintained a poker face.

“Ok then, well why are you single?” she asked in a snarky tone.

He looked at her with a blank stare.  He hadn’t expected that question and therefore had no justifiable answer.  He grabbed a handful of fries and stuffed them in his mouth as he sheepishly looked away.  He pushed his plate away and clasped his hands on the table, looking around and occasionally looking at her waiting for the awkward silence to end.  She enjoyed watching him squirm.

“I think when it comes to finding love, people should be free to explore whatever option works for them.  I was watching a video on YouTube where a woman was in a polyamorous relationship and had five husbands.  They all looked very happy…”

There was the look of shock and confusion on his face again.

“Wait, I thought polyamorous was when a man has a bunch of wives” he interrupted.

“What you are thinking of is polygamy.  When one person...” 

“When one man...” he interrupted

“When one PERSON has multiple spouses” she corrected.  “Women can have multiple spouses as well.  Polygamy is one person with many spouses and polyamorous is when there are multiple spouses in a relationship together.  It can come in all sorts of forms between consenting adults.  The key in both styles of partnership is consenting adults”

He sighed and said, “What man would want to share one woman with a bunch of other dudes?”

She was taught to sometimes just let men talk.  When men are free to talk, they tell you all that you need to know about them and their intentions.  She had almost forgotten how misogynistic he could be.  She could tell that he was really bothered by the idea of a woman with multiple partners, whereas a man in the same situation was acceptable.  She looked down at her plate and saw that she still had a few fries and pork left.  “It never tastes as good when reheated,” she thought.  Plus, she couldn’t get those cupcakes off of her mind.  He continued to talk at her about all the reasons why a woman with multiple partners makes no sense.  Then he went on a rant about housewives, child-rearing, and why women were waiting to have children.  She savored each bite as a flavor wave rolled over her tongue while simultaneously drowning out his words.

“Excuse me, waiter!  I would like to order one blueberry cupcake and one lemon cupcake”

“Cool, glad you want to stay because I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this because you…”

“Oh, and waiter, I think I will have a cocktail”.