Curtains

Miss matched curtains sway in the front window, the sweet smell of summer air breezing through the open door. An oddly charming but rather ugly rock keeps it from drifting shut. Yellow and white honeysuckle grow unruly on the trellis you insisted I put up.

Inviting. That was the word you had used. This was important when making people feel comfortable.

Early morning light filters in, soaking the space in a wash of gold tones. An image of you titling your face to the sky, absorbing the suns touch, dances behind my eyes.

God, you were so good at this kind of stuff. Teaching me so much in our short time together. Moments I will always remember. Details etched into my bone.

All the powdery words poets reserved for tragedy and great loves, God, you were all of them. You were everything.

Each morning is a challenge to pull myself out of bed but I manage the strength to go on. Without you.

“So how long did you say you have owned this shop for?” The lilt of the wrong woman’s voice reminds me of you. No matter how many times I have tried they never, she can not, ever come close to you.

Painfully, I shift my attention away from the old curtains obstructing my view, to a bright round face wrapped in soft features.

How long? “Oh, god it has been at least,” I trail off clearing my tight dry throat. Pretending to tick off years one by one on my calloused fingers. As if I could every forget how long it has been since I held you for the last time. “About seven years now I guess.”

“Do you enjoy what you do?”

“This place gives me the freedom to meet a lot of new faces. I have a few regulars but not everyone stays.”

Satisfied, she prattles on with a bubbly story about her small home town and the things she misses. I miss you.

My focus lazily drifts with each passing word. Eyes never able to stray to far from home for too long. Always back to the window and the mountains beyond. A view obscured by sprawling gold patterns and delicately embroidered flowers. The sun bleached and time tattered, fraying what was still beautiful in its own way.

Tapping the course fabric of my jeans does little to keep my leg from bouncing. Even less to keep my hand steady around my cup, a shake barley under control. The last bit of coffee is too bitter on my tongue for such a nice morning.

Sucking in a long calming breath, I let my blonde companion finish her anecdote “so anyway, since the move, with work and unpacking I just haven’t found the time to go out. Let alone make any friends. It sucks not having a single person in town that knows my name. My sister says I need to get out more, that I am going to end up a hermit just like our great aunt, and I can not stand the thought of her being right.”

I knew exactly what her sister had told her. Over a week ago they had a full volume face time conversation. Sitting too comfortably at one of the colorful little tables out front, she rolled her eyes at the advice, feet propped on the chairs you picked out.

Since then I have heard a lot of things. She is a loud person not a careful one. Suits me fine. Maybe the compulsion to come outside and ease drop would have passed me by but her hair was catching the light through the window. It was the first thing I noticed about you too.

“Speaking of, if you want to prove your sister wrong we better head out before it gets too hot. We are still going hiking, right?”

The trail head takes little time to reach. I have climbed it countless times but when it forks off the well groomed path she slows.

“Okay, so I kind of lied on my profile. I’m not a big outdoors person but I figured that living somewhere with so many great trails, I should at least try to be.” Her cheeks redden, divulging what she thinks is a secret of sorts.

I know this too. There is not a single thing on her social media presence that screams or remotely hints at dirt and yet on her dating profile she boldly wrote avid hiker.

“No worries, I know the perfect spot, amazing view. It’s off the beaten path a little but I’ve done it dozens of times in worse weather and carrying more. Easy hike. You’re going to love it up there.” All the others do.

A little secluded clearing surrounded by trees, drenched in light. You always did love the sun. Only the best for my girl.

You can not feel the warmth anymore, it refuses to reach you through the layers of dirt and leaves, but I know how much you appreciate the gesture of just how much I still care. All I do is care.

Are the curtains covering your face just as red or did time weather those too? Is your hair just as blonde? Surely your skin has lost its softness.

All I do is worry about you.

You always hated how I wanted you all to myself. But have I not been good to you? Have I not brought you the friends you asked for?

“Ready.” She pulls at her backpack straps, craning her neck up at the incline before us with determination.

No need to be jealous, my love. Today is a good day. She could never be you. They never are, are they?

No one will ever be as beautiful as your last breath, vialed in crimson and gold, my other half. I’ll never stop honoring you. I’ll never stop trying to feel half as good as I did with you.

Sit tight love, new friends are on the way.

“After you.”