For the Love of Snow

The giant flakes continued to fall without any sign of letting up. Why people always go on and on about loving snow I’ll never understand. I bet those people have never been snowed in for a week straight hoping their food held out. If it were up to me I would’ve moved us south years ago, but Lily loved the snow.

She was lying on the couch wrapped up in layers of blankets staring out of the bay windows at the blizzard. One hand was poking out of the blankets holding a scrap piece of paper, that I could see her eyes steal glances toward. She was looking miserable; she usually enjoyed these days.

“Lily,” I said pacing around the living room. “You haven’t said a word all day. I’m starting to worry about you. If I’m being honest, you’re starting to look sick. We’re not spring chickens anymore girl, we can’t take this kind of weather as easily anymore. We probably should’ve gotten a room in town yesterday, and avoided all this mess.”

She still wouldn’t meet my eyes as I made my lap around the room. As I passed her knick knacks I stopped in front of the wall of pictures. We used to be so young, maybe too young for when we married. I only knew one thing at that age; I wanted to be the one Lily went to for everything. I wanted to be her rock, her best friend, and her protector. For over sixty years I feel I’ve done the best I could. She’s always been happy until today.

I could hear her sniffling from across the room, she must be getting sick. My heart was racing with panic. The snow was too thick for help to come to us, and it wasn’t safe for us to try and get out. I looked back out the window; it had to be two feet deep already.

“Well Lily girl,” I said kneeling down in front of the fireplace. “It’s a good thing we use propane. I don’t expect the power to be fixed for a few days.”

I looked back at her, but she still wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Come on girl,” I pleaded. “Can’t you say something? At least tell me what’s got you so upset. You used to love this snow, how it would just be us separated from the rest of the world.”

No words came from her lips, just a light rattle from her breathing. She was probably getting pneumonia, and there wasn’t much I could do at this point. I walked over to her to check her forehead, to see if she was running a fever. As soon as my hand made contact she flinched and started crying, clinching her piece of paper even tighter.

I recoiled, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think my hand was that cold.”

I sat in the chair next to the fireplace to let her calm down. I was racking my brain trying to find a solution to our dilemma. “Snow dogs Lily,” I said laughing. “If we had gotten snow dogs they could get us into town for you a doctor. You could have them snuggled up with you right now. They’d keep you warm, and a good dog always makes you feel better.”

I leaned back thinking about how she would just get sicker on an open sled anyway so that really wasn’t a good option. I was getting tired; keeping my eyes open was becoming more and more of a chore. I had a bad feeling if I fell asleep something bad would happen to Lily. I had to stay awake. I got to my feet, and resumed my pacing.

“What if I made you some snow cream,” I said looking down at her for a reaction. “That used to be your favorite thing. I can whip you up a bowl, what do you say?”

Her eyes were closed with tears trickling down the side of her face. Her breathing was getting weaker. I didn’t know if I should wake her or let her rest. I wanted to hold her, but was afraid of the reaction. Maybe rest was the best thing for her right now.

I sat down on the floor, and leaned against the couch listening to her breathe. With each breath I could feel my eyelids getting heavier. It felt like gravity was pulling on my body harder than usual. I just wanted to sleep too. I was just about to curl up next to her on the floor when her breathing changed and I jerked back to my senses.

I got back to my feet; the world felt like it was spinning. I couldn’t remember a time I felt so tired. She was taking short quick breaths. I had to do something. I leaned forward, and whispered, “Lily the power and phone lines are down so I can’t call for help. There’s no way our truck can make it out, but the other day I saw Dale putting the chains on his mud truck. I’ll be right back, hang on girl.”

I straightened up and headed towards the door. I could feel myself getting weaker by the minute. We must’ve caught a virus or something. As soon as I stepped out the door, into the cold wind and knee deep snow, I realized this was going to take every bit of will power I had left. I just kept an image of Lily in my head. She was my motivation as I trudged along.

The snow was coming down so hard I had to keep my arm up to shield my eyes to keep a line of sight. I couldn’t afford to waste time or energy walking in a circle. Our houses weren’t exactly close out in the country. We all liked our space. But I finally made it. I was breathing like I just ran a marathon, but I made it.

I started beating on the door, “Dale…Dale I need your help.” I waited for a moment, but didn’t hear anyone moving around. I went to a window, and started knocking again. “Dale, it’s your neighbor, Jim Thomas. I need your help, Lily is really sick.”

I looked through the window, and didn’t see anyone inside. I went around to his garage, and looked through his glass. His truck was gone. My last option was gone. I didn’t know what to do next; I didn’t feel like I had the energy to make it back to Lily. If I did make it back I would just be returning as the failure.

I shook my head. I needed to stay positive. I’ll go back, and start heating water and soups. I’ll make her some tea, use the old home remedies that got us through the poor years. She’s my wife. I’ll get her through this too.

I turned back towards my house. I figured I could make up time if I stayed in the same tracks. I searched the snow, but couldn’t find the first footstep. It was snowing, hard but not that hard. I took a step forward. I watched as my boot went down into the snow, and I could hear the snow crunching beneath my sole. As I withdrew my leg the snow was replaced, seemingly untouched.

It didn’t make any sense, but I had to stay focused. I pushed with everything my old withered body had left. The wind was blowing harder as if trying to keep me from my goal, but I was determined. Nothing was going to keep me from my Lily.

When I finally reached my door my entire body was shaking, and I couldn’t catch my breath. I made my way to Lily, and knelt down in front of her, “I’m sorry, he wasn’t there. We’ll make it through like in the old days. Don’t you worry, I promised you till my last breath.”

I was about to stand up, and start gathering supplies when I heard her draw in a long slow breath and hold it. I could feel my whole world come to a halt inside that half a second. A whirlwind of emotions consumed my entire being. Then she exhaled, and her eyes glazed over. Her hand slid down, and dropped her crumpled piece of paper to the floor.

I shook her, pleading for her to start breathing again. “Please don’t leave me Lily,” I screamed as I wrapped my arms around her sobbing. But as I knelt there with my arms around my soul mate I knew she wasn’t coming back. I’d failed her when she needed me most. I kissed her forehead, and brushed her hair back behind her ear, “I’m sorry girl.”

I turned around, and leaned back against the couch. I was completely exhausted. I stared out the window. The same view my Lily had in her final moments. The backyard didn’t look right, there was something new. It wasn’t big, but the snow had it completely covered. But it was definitely what Lily had been staring at this whole time.

Every part of my body just wanted to sleep, to quit fighting it. I didn’t have any reason to resist it anymore. Then my hand brushed the fallen paper, and I glanced down. It had been ripped out of a newspaper. I spread it out to see my face staring back with my name, and obituary under it.