A Christmas Miracle

I slowly pull my sweater over my head, and I smooth out any wrinkles. I’ve been “getting ready” for the past half hour. In reality, I’ve been nervously pacing and trying not to freak out. I look fine: a cute cream colored sweater paired with dark skinny jeans and a gold necklace that has an ‘M’ on it. I’m wearing converse and I put on a little make-up. My dark brown hair is down and wavy like it normally is. It’s nothing more than I would usually wear, and nothing less.

My outfit isn’t the reason I’m nervous. If I’m being honest, I shouldn’t be this nervous, or even nervous at all. It’s just a cookie exchange. Something completely normal that happens between a couple families during the holiday season.

But it’s not normal if you're doing it with your ex.

I don’t know why my family was invited. Eli and I have been broken up for almost a year, and sure, we’ve always been family friends, but don’t the Jensons know how awkward this is going to be? Eli and I are twenty, for god's sake, not five. We can’t be shipped from event to event because our parents have nowhere else to put us.

“Mia! We’re leaving! Get down here!” My brother, Jace, screams at me from downstairs and I cringe. He’s always louder than he thinks he is.

I grab my phone and sigh before walking down the stairs. The only thing procrastinating did was land me a seat in the back of the car. Jace almost always gets shotgun.

I check the few texts I have from my friends, all of them asking if I’m free to hangout later. I reply with a frowny face, asking for a raincheck because I’m not feeling well. That part is true; I almost always have a headache now.

What I don’t say is that I’m being forced to the Jenson’s cookie exchange. And being forced to see Eli for the first time in a year. They never really understood why we broke up, no one did, and I never felt like going into it. It was painful.

It is painful.

My dad pulls over onto the street in front of their house; the other family who was invited, a nice young couple with a six year old daughter, has their car already parked into the driveway. I would tell him just to park behind the Whittiers, but I know it’s no use. Dad thinks that blocking someone in the most rude thing you could possibly do.

Jace is practically out of the car before my dad has even stopped. Eli’s older brother, Aiden, was good friends with Jace in high school and they still see each other occasionally. It’s good to know this visit hasn’t been haunting him for the past week.

I had come home from college ready for a break. Ready to sleep in all day, and watch stupid movies with Dad. And then bam! Guess what Mia? You get to see your shitty ex boyfriend for a cookie exchange! Merry Christmas!

“You ready Mima?” Dad asks, using the nickname he gave me as a child.

“Yes,” I say, even though it's a lie. My head is pounding and my throat is dry. I can’t remember the last time I was this parched. I lean into the front part of the car and grab migraine medicine. I could swallow the pills dry - they may be big, but I have become a pro at downing headache medicine in the last year - however, I don’t want to. I take a sip of water and swallow the two pills quickly, acutely aware of Dad's gaze.

“Mia-”

“I’m fine,” I say defensively, getting out of the car.

I take the cookies from Dad so I have something to hold, and we slowly make our way up the driveway and towards the door.

We walk up to the steps, and Mrs. Jenson opens the door right away.

“Hi Mia! Oh sweetie, look how much you’ve grown. It’s been much too long since you’ve visited. And, Richard, you too. We should do another get together soon, okay? Sounds great.” Neither me, nor Dad is able to say a word before she’s taking our snickerdoodle cookies and ushering us inside.

The inside of their house looks exactly how I remember it. You walk into a neat entry hall with a staircase going up to the second floor. If you walk past the stairs on the left, there’s a large kitchen with a big island taking up most of the space. To the left of that, the formal living room. The dining room is on the other side of the kitchen. Along with the family room where I spent almost every day with Eli. I would do homework while he tried to distract me. It always worked.

Now, Aiden and Jace are there, trying to throw cookies into each other's mouths. Of course.

“I’m going to go talk to George and Dave, okay?” my dad says, referring to Mr. Jenson, and Mr. Whittier. The three of them play golf on the weekends.

“Kay,” I say absentmindedly, because I can see Eli coming down the stairs and I want to be anywhere but here. The pounding in my head is so loud, hurts so much, I’m surprised I can hear what Dad is saying.

I want to move, but I can’t. I’m frozen; frozen in time, frozen in space, frozen in Eli’s gaze. I can see that he’s about to call my name, but he can’t do that, so I force myself to move.

“I’m going to find Stella,” I say to Dad, before hurrying into the kitchen and then into the living room.

Stella is sitting on the couch, her frilly dress spread around her. She’s drinking a cup of what I assume is eggnog, and pulls it away from her mouth to reveal a big milk moustache. I give a little laugh, which makes her smile.

“Mia!” she says, jumping up.

“Hi Stelly,” I wrap my arms around her as she launches herself onto me. She boops my nose, and starts hysterically laughing. Last time I saw her it was booping bellies, this time noses. Six year olds will never cease to amaze me.

Stella hugs me tighter as we sit on the couch. “Daddy says that you can babysit me on Wednesday! Mommy and Daddy are going to a dinner party. Not a fun party. Nope. I don’t wanna go. I wanna stay home with Mia!”

“Okay!” I laugh, “We can have a tea party. Do you want me to bring my stuffies?” I wasn’t aware I was babysitting, but I assume the Whittiers were going to ask me tonight. I never say no to Stella.

“Yup! And, if Jace lets you, Señor Snuggly can come too!” Señor Snuggly is a teddy bear that Stella and I got Jace last time he was sick. He says he hates him, but we all know he secretly loves Señor Snuggly.

I thought that by talking to Stella I could get away with not talking to Eli, or at least not talking to him until dinner. I was wrong.

I can see him approaching out of my peripheral vision, three chocolate chip cookies in hand. I assume they’re the ones he made.

I’m about to ask Stella if she wants to see what Jace and Aiden are up to, but before I can, she’s pointing at Eli, screaming “cookies!” She knew that Eli and I were together, or at least spent a lot of time together. I’m sure she thinks nothing has happened. It’s not her fault. I know that; she’s too young to know what a relationship is, but I wish someone had told her that I don’t want to be around him. That I can’t be around him.

“Guess what Stell,” Eli says, giving her a cookie.

“What?!” she shrieks. She’s already eaten half of the cookie. I want to glare at Eli for giving her more sweets when that’s the last thing she needs, but I don’t really want to look at him.

“I made these. Just for you, because I know that chocolate chip is your favorite. Do you like them?” Eli slowly sits down next to me; closer than he should be, farther than he used to be. Our thighs are inches from each other.

Stella, oblivious of the awkward tension, nods aggressively, crumbs spilling from her mouth. “They’re amathing!”

“I’m glad,” he says. I force myself to look up at him, and he’s smiling at Stella. His brown hair is a mess, and is falling in his face, like usual. I used to push it back for him.

He’s wearing a tight shirt that has a checklist with the words “Naughty,” “Nice,” and “At least I tried.” The “At least I tried” box is checked off. That’s a lie. Eli is one of the nicest people I know. Like usual, he’s wearing jeans. He only wore sweatpants when we were alone. 

When he knew I would be the only one besides his family to see him in them.

He’s also donned the black Nikes we picked out on his birthday last year. He looks good, and I hate myself for noticing. 

His blue eyes catch mine as I look away. I try to act nonchalant, but I can never act around Eli. He can see straight through me.

“Hey, Stella? My mom has a special job for you. Why don’t you go talk to her,” he says, his eyes only leaving mine for a second to make sure she heard him.

“Does it involve eating cookies?!”

“Maybe,” his eyes flick back to mine. I feel like I should look away, but there’s something about Eli that draws me in. It always has.

Stella quickly runs away, and we’re left alone.

“Eli,” I breath, “I-”

“I know.” he pauses, bites his lip. His nervous habit. “You look really pretty tonight, Mia.”

“Thanks,” my voice comes out strangled, and I silently chastise myself. This is Eli. I don’t have to be uncomfortable. “You too.”

We’re both whispering; what we have right now is fragile and anything could break it.

We don’t want to break it.

But then I get a text from my roommate, Gabby, asking how the cookie exchange is going. And I remember that this is Eli, the nice sweet boy I fell in love with, who fell in love with me. And I remember that I broke both of our hearts.

I am startled out of my daze. My headache comes back full force; I hadn’t even noticed it was gone.

I can’t think straight through the hammer putting nails into my head. Eli knows. He always knows.

“Do you wanna go to my room? I think I still have migraine medicine.”

I want to say that I’m fine, and I don’t want to go anywhere with him, especially not his room, but Stella is screaming, and the dad’s are laughing, and Mrs. Jenson is banging pans around and my head hurts so fucking much and I need to get away, even if it’s only for a minute.

Eli grabs my hand, and I numbly follow him through the house. Mrs. Whittier gives us a knowing look; all the adults liked us as a couple, and wanted us to get back together.

We climb up the stairs, and he pulls me into his bedroom. I don’t know why I’m letting him help me if he’s causing my migraine, but it feels right.

The room looks the same as it did the last time I was here. He has his guitar in the corner, his computer and a stack of books on his desk, his bed is made with tight corners and fluffed pillows.

He leads me over to his bed, but I’m hesitant to sit.

“Mia, it’s okay. I’m going to grab you some medicine, but I’ll be right back.”

I sink into the grey comforter, and begin to cry. My head hurts, and I’m tired, and I think I made a mistake. I need Eli more than I realized.

“Mia? Baby, what’s wrong?” Eli crouches in front of me, concern in his eyes. We both pause when we register what he said.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t- I wasn’t-,” he swallows, “I didn’t mean to say that,” Eli bits his lip, and looks anywhere but me.

“It’s fine.”

He gives me the bottle, and I see it’s the same medicine he always kept at his apartment. I wonder if it’s here because of me, or if he needs it.

I take the bottle but don’t take any pills out. I took medicine before I came in, so I really shouldn’t have any more.

I’m staring at Eli, and Eli is staring at me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice cracking.

“Sorry for what?”

“Sorry for breaking up with you. It wasn’t fair.”

“It’s ok. I don’t blame you. You were going through a lot.”

“My mom dying doesn’t give me an excuse to be a bitch! I was so mean to you, and you were only trying to help.” I’m sobbing again, and Eli pauses for a second before putting a hand on my shoulder.

“You were only trying to help,” I repeat, and this breaks him. He leans forward and pulls me off his bed. I’m wrapped in his big arms, strong from years of playing the guitar.

“It’s ok,” he soothes, but I’m not done.

“I mean, I was pushing everyone away, and I kept getting mad everytime you came over, and I would scream at you. But really, I had no idea what I was doing because the second you left I wanted you back, and then I broke up with you. Like what? Why would I do that? I wasn’t being fair to you, yeah, but I should have just said I needed a week or something, but-” Eli saves me from my blubbering by pressing his lips to mine. This is something he would do all the time when we were together - if I was ranting, or yelling, or talking too much. But, the fact that he’s doing it now, after almost a year apart, surprises me.

What surprises me more is that I don’t really mind it.

He pulls away slowly, bites his lip, waits for my reaction. When he sees my small smile, he leans forward and kisses me again.

We kiss slowly, savoring the moment. I’m not sure if it will last, but it is Christmas Eve, and anything could happen.

Eli pulls away after a minute, failing to hold back a grin. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.”

“Me too,” I’m still not sure if this is wise, but I know this is what I want.

I walk into his bathroom, grimacing at the mascara stains on my cheeks. I wipe them off with a wet tissue, and Eli comes up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist, and buries his head in my neck.

“I missed you,” his voice is muffled by my sweater, but I know what he said. I turn around and kiss him again, slipping my tongue into his mouth.

His hands are beginning to travel up my sweater when the door opens and Stella skips in.

“EW!” she cries, covering her eyes.

“Fuck, fuck,” Eli and I disentangle from each other, awkwardly standing in the bathroom. My face feels hot, but I don’t regret what I did. I’m so happy Eli doesn’t hate me.

“Sorry, Stelly. You can look now,” I mumble, tapping my foot on the floor.

“Ewwwwww. You guys are gross. And you said,” she lowers her voice, “a bad word.”

“Mia didn’t mean it. She said it without thinking, right?”

“Yeah,” I say, even though it’s the opposite of the truth. I knew exactly what I was thinking, and it was fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m going to scar a six year old.

The three of us make our way downstairs, and for once, Stella is quiet.

Jace takes one look at us and begins to laugh, entirely too loudly.

“Oh, wow. I should have known you were hooking up,” Jace snorts, and calls to Aiden, who’s in the next room. “Our siblings are sleeping together again!”

I hope the parents couldn’t hear that, but Aiden most certainly did. He laughs, possibly louder than Jace, and both Eli and I go bright red.

“Sleeping together?” Stella says, “Are you guys having a sleepover tonight?!”

“Only if Mia wants,” Eli says, his voice light and teasing. I missed this.

“Not today.” I glare at Jace, who just grins back. “Maybe another time,” I whisper to Eli.

His face lights up. The parents call us into dinner, but Eli grabs my arm and stops me.

“You wouldn’t be mad if I told you I invited you here hoping this would happen. . . would you?” Eli is grinning, and his eyes are bright, but he is also biting his lip. I don’t want him to be worried that I am going to leave him.

“You wouldn’t be mad if I told you that I came hoping this would happen. . . would you?” I respond. And it’s the truth. I was so nervous this morning; I thought seeing Eli would be the worst thing ever, but now I realize I was just scared this would happen. I had nothing to be scared for.

I want this.

I press my lips to his, softly, and he smiles into the kiss.

“Could the two love-birds make their way in here? We’re starving, for god's sake!” I hate my brother.

“Coming!” we both yell back. Eli grabs my hand as we walk into the dining room.

I wasn’t expecting this to happen, but who knows? Maybe Christmas miracles are real.