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Funny Horror

   Out on their third date, Mary wonders about the future of her relationship with Joe. She has always fancied him, and her friends all think they make a great match. But now, having gotten to know him better and spend time with him, she has become uncertain. Should she waste time on a relationship that won't survive?

  Somehow, they have stumbled into the graveyard just outside of town. Mary wraps her arms around herself, scowling at the thunderclouds looming above. She should’ve brought her coat. Who hangs out in a graveyard this late at night, anyway? Her boots squelch in the mud. She feels a pang of pity looking at the withering flowers, the jungle of weeds and moss covering the grey stones. The first blast of lighting illuminates the scene ahead in a flash of white light, disturbing the stillness.

  Mary and Joe are not alone in the graveyard.

  Out of the darkness crashes a man. His clothes are torn. A nasty gash on his neck bleeds profusely. His bloodshot eyes lock onto Mary and Joe, and he cries out an unintelligible snarl. He lurches towards them.

A.   Mary, overtaken by a sudden burst of compassion, approaches the man to offer help. She forces herself to smile despite the putrid stench emanating from the man and tries not to stare at the spittle dribbling from his mouth, which keeps snapping open wide and shut. 

  “Sir? Is everything all right?” She barely finishes when the man pounces on her.

  The man bites Mary. She dies.

B.   Mary begins to approach the man, but Joe grabs her arm and pulls her back. He points out the man’s crazy eyes, the unusual green tint of his flaking skin, the faint smell of decaying flesh, and suggests getting the hell out of there instead.

  They turn and begin to run. The man follows. Despite his injuries, he is fast. 

  Weaving through the gravestones, her heart pounding, Mary dares a glimpse over her shoulders – the man is right on their heels – when she feels something hard connecting with her shin, sending her sprawling forward. Her palms hit the ground hard, the skin instantly wet with blood as she cuts herself on the thick undergrowth. Pain shoots up her left leg; she has twisted her ankle.

  The man is almost upon them. 

  Mary looks up at Joe. Their eyes meet and when she realises what the look in his means, a new surge of panic rises in her. Joe turns and sprints away just as the man pounces on Mary.

  The man bites Mary. She dies.

C.   Rather than helping the sick man, Joe suggests running away instead.  

     Weaving through the gravestones, Joe trips and falls, twisting his ankle. For a brief second, Mary contemplates helping him. Then she sees the man nearing. She sprints away, Joe’s screams ringing in her ears. 

  The next couple of days are a blur filled with horrors she thankfully fails to recall in later years. She loses many loved ones: her parents, her brother, friends. She learns how to purify rainwater and start a fire. She learns how to use a gun.

  Wary of trusting strangers, Mary prefers to be alone, until one day – God knows how long it’s been since the outbreak – she finds herself in charge of a little girl she saved from a rising cult. The two of them settle down at an abandoned shopping mall, where other survivors have set up homes. Gradually, the community grows; people begin to let themselves hope things can return to the way they used to be.

  As the dawn of a new civilisation shimmers on the horizon, the people around her view Mary as a beacon of hope. Even though they know she has her fair share of demons, they put their trust in her.

  Mary raises the little girl and loves her like her own flesh and blood. The nightmares occur less frequently. She knows she’s been extremely lucky. Sometimes, she even considers herself happy. 

  Every now and then, Mary still thinks of Joe briefly.

D.   Rather than helping the sick man, Joe suggests running away instead. They successfully make it out of the graveyard.

  Once they are safely back in her apartment, Mary calls the police while Joe heads out to the supermarket – he thinks stockpiling is the next logical step. The police hang up on Mary. They do not believe her.

  She calls back several times. Then she calls her parents, her brother, her friends. Some laugh at her; others ask if everything is okay and if she has considered getting professional help. Joe barricades the front door and windows.

  They stay inside a couple of days. Public spaces begin to close down. Hospitals overflow. The phone stop working. News channels turn dark, and the city’s lights shut down. The streets are filled with screams and gunshots. Days quickly bleed into weeks. Mary believes it is their fault: they should have tried harder to prevent it, to warn people.

  Joe disagrees, and secretly abhors her self-pity.

  Their food and water last five months. One day, Joe spots from the window a handful of survivors out on the street. Joe thinks there is strength in numbers and besides, they need food and water. The thought of leaving her apartment turns Mary’s blood cold. They argue for several days.

  Mary and Joe break up. 

E.   Having successfully escaped the graveyard, Mary and Joe barricade themselves up in Mary’s apartment. Their food and water last five months. One day, Joe spots some survivors on the street. He convinces Mary to leave the apartment.

  They join the group of survivors, who are heading north. Their leader is a young poet named Daniel, with whom Mary has an affair. Afraid of hurting Joe, she tries to keep her unfaithfulness a secret, but privacy is hard to come by and gossip still excites. She is almost glad when he finally finds out.  

  Mary and Joe break up. 

  Whatever choices they make, Mary’s relationship with Joe will always be doomed. 

October 28, 2022 17:17

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