Mrs Mean Girl

trigger warning//suicide

I was what the books referred to as the mean girl. The girl with the brilliant looks, amazing blonde hair, rich parents, good body and heels always at the ready. I had all the boys down the block knocking at my door. Played those I had an interest in and always got what I wanted. I had my posse who were always at my beck and call and saw myself as better than those around me. They could call me names, but they all wanted to be me. Aside from the stereotypical nonsense, I also had stereotypical issues. My parents never had time for me, I was very insecure and I was lonely. I wanted someone to love me with my flaws and all. I had gone through a lot in life to lead me to this “Regina George” scripted life. As any of the books go, the new girl was always yet to come. To take the boy of my dreams and shut me down for my critical attitude. I had waited 18 years, all ready for her to come. I started losing hope in it too. The mean girls you read about would usually hate this kind of person who would throw them off balance and ruin their stance. But I wanted her to come. I am tired of people backing away all the time. I wanted to hang out with who disagreed with me and actually enjoyed my company, not my money. If I tried to change now, no one would believe me. They would think they were my next victims or that I needed someone to play with. Now, almost leaving high school, she still hadn’t come. Was I really doomed to this fake world of earthly pleasures for the rest of my life?

When she arrived, it surprised me what I saw. I expected the nerdy glasses and the scruffy shoes, the angelic aroma and the lovely blue eyes. No, she was my replica. The same good looks. The same rich aura. The same beady eyes that made people run. Was she to be my redemption? Or was this a way of the universe punishing me for all I had done? Was I to receive a portion of all I had given to others? The way she turned to me told me I was right, and it left me for doom and was to drown in a pool of pity for all my life. There was no escape from the continuous cycle of my life. Within a week, I was forgotten. My posse of fake friends even abandoned me, for they had seen something worth more value to them. The boys never glanced at me, and the girls didn’t want to be me. It was over for me. I wanted it to end, but not like this. I didn’t know how to change all at once. So it left me to be a loner. I needed to get away from this place. The place I had called home for 5 years seemed revolting to be in now. I was on the next plane to France the following day. I was born and raised there till I was 3, so I hoped ever so that things would change. 28 days was all I had. 28 days to turn my life around. To change myself. To get back to the top. 28 days which no longer belong to Mrs. Mean Girl Andrea but the New Girl Audrey.

It was odd starting in a new school in the last grade. Everyone would be out by June with the memories of long filled friendships and maybe even genuine love. Then there was me. The unknown girl who didn’t know anyone, no background. The new brunette with contacts and black boots on. It was as though, for once; I had switched places with the person I would usually look down on. Was I to get a happy ending like most of them do, or was I to just end up with a worse feeling than what was eating me up inside? People stared of course as they saw this parasite enter their turf. I was approached by the other me. Not me. The Mean Girl who used to be me. The Queen Bee. She looked down on me, her shiny Louboutin heels looking ready to squish me. To her I was the dirty mold in her path. One look at her eyes and I moved out of her way. Is this how they feared me? How they saw me? I was getting used to being respected that someone looking down on me lowered my esteem to a point that I almost couldn’t recognize my worth. I thought of every person I had every done that too and how they must have felt, thought of how many days I made miserable for a person just with that look. 27 more days. That’s all I had to change that.

2 weeks had passed, and I had two loving friends to support me when I felt low. I had smiled more than I had in the past 7 years and I felt better than every. Is this what it felt like to be finally at peace? Was this what I would have gotten had The New Girl been like me now? Would I have good friends and a happy life? I tried to forget the past often enough and tried to focus on the future everyday I saw the sun rise again. I was certain things were different this time.13 more days left. Maybe, just maybe. Things would work out for me forever. Life was more than just heading towards the light now. Time flew by faster. I now had 7 more days to relieve myself of the demons holding me back. I was confident things were better. Life has a way of creating and destroying moments in our lives. Life destroyed mine.

 That Monday was like the very Monday my life first bled out. The Monday I saw Mrs. Mean Girl crash. The Monday I saw my life become nothing but a hopeless prison I couldn’t escape. That Monday, my past was back to haunt me. People discovered the true me and some couldn’t accept it. My friends couldn’t believe they could have been people I once looked down on. People saw me as the parasite they first saw me as, but worse. They saw me as a threat to them. Even Jonah, the boy I had become accustomed to, wouldn’t look at me the same way. I was lost and didn’t know what to do. Why couldn’t I have a change for once? Why did I have to be stuck like this? I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted love, wanted peace, and wanted freedom from Mrs. Mean Girl. I couldn’t wait for the end of the week. The pressure was too much. I couldn’t go on. So I ended it. Pressed the finish button. Read the last chapter of the book I fast forwarded the events that where yet to come so I could finally see the end of my movie. I ended it. It took a full bath and my thoughts. My thoughts which destroyed me then and destroyed me now. I was free at last. I’m sorry, mother and father. Mrs. Mean Girl won.