Shards

This story deals with both mental health issues and substance abuse.

“We’re going to Daddy’s.”

Ellie stared at Missy in stunned silence for a moment. “But it’s Solstice Eve. We always have dinner at Roma’s. I’ve reserved our favorite table in the corner window so we can see the tree lights.”

 “Sorry, Nana.” Missy glanced over at her younger sister for support, “but that can’t happen tonight. Not with what just went down.”

Izzie nodded her head. “Like Missy said. We’re out of here until she’s gone.”

“Girls, lower your voices. Your mother will hear you.”

“No, she won’t,” Missy said. “She’s dead asleep on my bed.”

“Well, I supposed we could simply let her sleep and go on to dinner,” Ellie offered.

“Seriously?” Missy grabbed her car keys with one hand and reached for the door handle with the other. “You just don’t get it. She’s dangerous crazy.”

“Meagan’s not dangerous. She just needs to come down off whatever she took this time,” Ellie said.

Missy pointed a finger in the direction of her bedroom. “Nana, no sane person walks around like that. No pants. No shoes. It’s the middle of winter! And she barges in here and just takes over! As soon as you went to the kitchen to make some cocoa, she took my best leggings and slapped me when I told her not to touch my stuff!”

Izzie put an arm around her sister. “Nana, she’s scarier this time. She shoved me when I wouldn’t let her have my phone. She’s never laid a hand on me before.”

“You don’t see it,” Missy said, “because she’s instantly sweet when she knows you can see her.”

Ellie sighed and shook her head in disbelief. “Girls, you know she’ll be better in the morning.”

“I don’t want to be here when she wakes up.” Izzie said, a silent tear slipping down her cheek.

Missy opened the front door and pulled her sister onto the porch. “I’m not going through that again and neither is Izzie. You take care of Mom if you want, but we’re going to Daddy’s and we won’t be back,” she said as the screen door slammed behind her.

Ellie watched the girls get into Missy’s car and pull out of the driveway. “How could this be happening?” she whispered as she closed the door and went to check on her daughter.

It had been more than six months since Meagan had slipped away from the rehab center she had promised to try. There had been no word from her all that time until she had appeared at the door in the middle of the afternoon.

Ellie carefully pulled a quilt over the sleeping woman, disturbed by the changes she finally allowed herself to see. Meagan’s complexion which had always been creamy and clear was splotched with dark patches. There were sores at the corners of her mouth and her hair looked like dead straw. She had dropped an alarming amount of weight.

“Maybe I can convince her to see a doctor,” Ellie thought as she tucked the quilt around the sleeping form. The corner of a small red and gold fabric bag poked out from her daughter’s hand. Ellie smiled at the sight of it.

Meagan’s treasure bag. It contained an assortment of glass shards and other findings she had collected. No matter what her circumstance, she always managed to hang on to it. Ellie had known her daughter to spend hours, sitting on the floor, examining each piece as though it was a precious gem. She had never understood what Meagan saw that was so fascinating. “Probably just the drugs.”

Leaving it where she found it, Ellie gave the quilt a final tuck, turned out the light, and went in search of something for dinner.

#

Ellie woke with a start to find Meagan sitting on the floor next to her, clawing at her arm.

“Mom! Wake up! We have to go now!”

“Meagan, it’s the middle of the night.” Ellie sat up, realizing she had fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room watching the Yule log burn on Roku. “Go back to bed.”

Her daughter jumped up and began to pace frantically around the room, waving her red and gold bag over her head. “No! You don’t understand. He’s got my baby. I have to get my baby!”

“What baby?”

“My alien baby! He’s at the Walgreen’s. We have to go now!”

Before her mother could say anything else, Meagan was out the front door. Grabbing her keys, purse, and coat, Ellie followed her quickly. By the time she reached the car, Meagan was already halfway down the street.

Ellie pulled out and caught up to her at the corner. Stopping, she rolled down the window and called to her daughter. “Meagan, get in the car!”

The young woman looked at her wildly for a moment. Ellie thought she just might take off again, but she climbed in the front seat instead.

“Which Walgreen’s? her mother asked.

“The one by the highway. Hurry!”

Speeding through the night, Ellie kept one eye on the road and one on Meagan. Her daughter had gone silent but was rocking in her seat and pulling at her hair. While she had exhibited some odd behaviors over the years, these were different, frightening.

When the Walgreen’s came into sight. Ellie had to stop for the traffic light just before she got to the store. She turned to Meagan. “What kind of vehicle are we looking for?”

“It’s grey metal. Lots of blinking lights.” Meagan’s attention was riveted on the parking lot. “I don’t see it anywhere!”

“Maybe he’s parked around back,” Ellie said as the light turned green and she was able to make the turn she needed. Pulling around to the service area of the building, she found the lot empty. Her car was facing the delivery dock. Someone had tagged the door with the image of a flying saucer.

“There!” Meagan cried and opened the car door before it came to a complete stop.

Ellie watched in horror as her daughter crumpled to the pavement. She jammed on the brakes, threw it in park, got out and ran around to the passenger’s side. As she reached Meagan, she realized the young woman had hit her head and was out cold. Running back to get her phone, she dialed 911.

#

Christmas Eve was almost as hard as Solstice. While Missy and Izzie had met Ellie at Roma’s for dinner, they were determined to spend the rest of the holidays with their father. So, Christmas Day found Ellie alone and at the hospital once again, hoping to speak to the psychiatrist who had finally agreed to meet with her. While Meagan was recovering well from the concussion she had sustained, she was still fixated on finding her alien baby, making ornaments for him from the treasures in her bag.

While Ellie had arranged for this consultation, she found herself stuck in the hall outside her daughter’s room. The psychiatrist had politely ordered her out without listening to anything she had to tell him. He wanted to speak with Meagan alone.

When the man finally emerged, he passed her with a quick “We’ll be releasing your daughter shortly.”

“Excuse me, sir,” Ellie said, unable to disguise the anger in her voice. “Would you at least take a moment to listen to me?”

The psychiatrist turned back and came to stand in front of her. “Well?”

“How can you simply let her go? She thinks she gave birth to an alien baby, that the father is from outer space. She still thinks she can find this fictional child.”

“Meagan is not a danger to herself or anyone else. She says she wants to go to New Mexico to look for this baby. I’ve given her the name of a colleague there who specializes in her type of cases,” he replied. “She is an adult and can go where she chooses, right?”

“But she’s crazy!” Ellie whispered. “She needs help!”

“I’m going to recommend something to you,” he said. “If you have the means, send her to Santa Fe. There is nothing that will repair the damage meth has done to her brain.”

“But if she stops using?” Ellie asked, shaking her head. He had to be wrong. “There has to be some hope.”

“She’s too far gone. Trust me. Nothing you can do will help her psychosis. Let her go. At least, she’ll be where she wants to be, a place she feels she can find this imaginary child and be safe. And Dr. Jamison is excellent. His care really is the best option.” He stepped back and moved off down the hall.

#

Within the hour, Meagan had been released. Standing outside in the winter air, Ellie watched her daughter skipping down the sidewalk looking for a place to hang the latest ornament she had made for her alien baby. It was a delicate thing. Part of an old nest, some white fluff that must have come from a discarded pillow, a broken bit of clear glass. It was quite beautiful, and Ellie marveled at her daughter’s unique vision, wishing she had been able to understand it. Finding the perfect spot, Meagan hung it and motioned Ellie over to see.

“Look, Mom, it’s catching the light just right!”

Ellie slipped her arm around her daughter’s waist and looked up into the tree. Beyond the ornament, the moon was a silver bow in the black sky. Two bright stars sparkled next to it, and she could see their light reflected in the glass.

“My baby will see it and know I’m coming,” Meagan breathed, laying her head on her mother’s shoulder. “A secret message just for him.”

For one moment, Ellie could feel and see what her daughter saw. Holding Meagan a little tighter, she said, “Then I’m sure he will see it. Let’s get home. It’s late and we have some travel plans to make in the morning.”