Carry Me

Piercing the mid-winter’s raging storm, A lorry danced through the bumpy outskirts of tiny town. In the trunk of that lorry laid a girl clad in utter calm, yet in her deep emerald eyes, swirls from an undying tornado showed. The blood in her veins gushed through every bit of her being like high tides hitting a rock end. Every now and then she would crane her neck out and check how far away the green light was. It wasn’t new to me; distant looks, longing eyes, expectations and anticipations, I had seen these all-round the globe. 

Before I continue, let’s get you to know me. I am the Moon. One who looks down at you every night as you think of the day gone by. With this established, I will continue telling my previous stalk. Stalk is a rather creepy word though, but then you are being talked to by a Moon and that is creepier :)

Alice’s deep emerald eyes stayed in tune with the mine as I followed her down the highways and the byways. There almost seemed to be going on a communication between us, which soon was going to come to an end. I like to think that it was I who had told her about her nearing whereabouts, for before the lorry came to a halt she was in position to climb down. Impatience was hanging in the air, not just around her, but through the entire tiny town. Though it was late at night, many verandas were still alight. Probably in hopes of a lost love's return.

There lingered a weird calm on Alice’s face as she trotted along the familiar roads of her hometown, paying attention to every mist and dew she had stayed away from in the past. Throughout her journey, she had worn an unknowing look, as if she wasn’t sure if she was going down the right path. But here in tiny town, the winds had changed, her very relaxed face translated how her mind and soul were home. Just one detour around the infamous pawn shop and Alice was up-face with her cottage. For a second things went still, Alice stopped and turned to herself, whispering to her soul, “Now you understand what Ronald Weasely meant! Don’t you?”. Behind the unfaltering glow in Alice’s eyes hid a torn soul whispering back to herself with utmost comprehension, “It’s not much, but it’s home!”.  

As quietly as the wind carried love songs to the beloved, Alice crept into her humble abode. The marvel in her eyes for her four-step long veranda and red brick building ending at broad wooden arch with pillars running down on either side was queer. Like many others, the doorsteps of her house were dimly lit. she could also hear some tethering and bickering from inside.

Tides of second thoughts attempted to cage Alice in the dark, but she had put her mind to this in ages, thus there was no turning back. Without any contemplation at all, Alice stepped into the lounge of which door was left ajar. Here was the trying moment, a thousand scenarios of which had left her sleepless and undecided the entire past month.

The not-so-very-large lounge had first fallen silent and then swung back to life. Around the corner was a round-bellied man wearing glasses at the tip of his nose, across whom sat a brawny young man having the same emerald green eyes as Alice. In the kitchen, just a few meters away, stood an out of figure, meek lady bent over the stove with another young girl sheepishly stealing a piece from a previous over baked batch.

The cold wind rushed in and averted everyone’s attention to the intruder. The intruder being a hungry one, inhaling the smell of the fresh banana cake, could not hush her stomach’s rants.

Good thing about being home as I see is that there is no room for follow up questions. One measuring look in the eye and you know what you are dealing with.

Immediately the table was set by the little girl, Abby, Alice’s younger sister. All this while the middle-aged man, Alice’s father, and the lad, Ted; her brother, stayed bent over their board game. Alice herself quietly took her spot at the table, clutching her mother’s hand as they sat side by side. It was like the old times, yet not really.

The melody in the night air had changed many notes and Alice had heard them all clear and loud. Nibbling on the cake, Alice saw her family gather around one after the other.

“I will be staying for a while.”, Alice had uttered.

“I am glad you got time to stuck by.”, her mother had said with a reassuring smile.

“ How are things in the city? How’s life?”, her mother had pressed.

“Things are fine. Better, better!”, Alice had shortly replied.

Her sister upon eye contact had smiled back.

“What took you so long?”, Ted had asked with a degree of detachment.

It was difficult to distinguish for Alice if it was a question or a dig at her. But prepared she was and answers she had!

“I had gigs lined up all over the place.”, dryly Alice had mumbled.

Her mother had attempted at many more sustainable conversations, but Alice very tactfully killed all the possibilities of connection of any sort.

Alice’s father throughout had been listening to her talks behind vexed eyebrows. I could not really make what Alice’s conflict with her family was. Her spirit the entire journey seemed elevated as if looking for an opportunity to reconcile, and here she was a completely different person, estranging herself from her own family. Either there was a missing piece in tonight's events or she had serious sentimental swings. 

This happens to me all the time. I chase different people every night, thence clueless about their bearings.

With filled stomach, Alice had clutched her mother’s hand again and was sitting silently resting her head against her mother’s chest. Finding the situation awkward, Ted and Abby had retired to bed, while Alice’s father moved around the room setting his glasses and putting his chess board in the grandfather clock-shelf. Dorothy, Alice’s mother, had then freed from the embrace and whispered to her to talk to her father.

Carrying Alice’s bag, Dorothy had exited.

 As a mere spectator, I clearly saw this situation unfold in a very rehearsed manner. There was an awry order to it all. Alice had moved towards her father with shaky steps. What was wrong with this family, I couldn’t fathom. She placed one tender hand on her father’s back. One gentle touch and the coldness from the man’s demeanor melted away. With one devious grin the father took his daughter’s hand in his, and half dragged her into the room next to kitchen.

They stood in the middle of a conventional style study, consumed by darkness. Alex had turned grave, she almost seemed like a corpse. Richard, on the other hand, had an unusual calm on his face. He had ever so quietly guided her to the coach and lit the room. With the door firmly locked and Alice’s gaze frozen like snow hails would shower out of it, I felt life sucking out of me.

Richard had taken Alice’s hand in his and rubbed it gently providing it warmth. I could see a strange familiarity to the touch cross her face. She had pulled herself close to her father’s chest, closing her eyes momentarily. In her head, things went black for a second, and the level-headed Alice was back.

With tears brimming by the edge of her eyes, Alice stayed put in her father’s lap and mumbled, “I’ll be gone for long.”.

 Unstirred Richard replied, “You are always gone for long.”

Alice annoyingly winced her lips.

Not liking the silence, Richard asked,” You had mentioned that you will stay this time. Really?”.

She had plainly nodded. Then like a sick dog, She had looked up at her father and blurted, “They are sending me away this time. It’s my last gig, with this done contract comes to an end.”.

“Where will you be going?”, Asked Richard.

 I am just as at a loss as anyone would be. This wasn’t just any Alice, it was the youngest and most sought after comedy star "Alice Heartwood". I did happen to witness her standup show on one festive night. It’s hard to recognize her without all that makeup.

My thoughts were disturbed. Alice was speaking to her dad dully.

“All I can tell is that I’ll not be in the country for the rest of the year.”, she had fallen quite again.

“Is everything alright?”, Richard had asked with concern.

A tinge of anger surged up Alice’s tone.

“Can’t you tell I have been in pain all this time? Don’t you see my miseries!”, She had shot back.

“I know you have been counting down days the past five years, but this was your own choosing. I am more than impatient to see your troubles come to end. I want you back now just as much as I wanted then. But you know the kind of father I am, I want you to learn to fight your way out yourself.”, Richard had said staring into the air.

“Papa I am not pulling out of this. I have been through it all by myself and I’m glad that I am nearing the end now. But I. Leave it be, you won’t understand.”. Alice had trailed off.

Richard with the same strange calm had looked at his daughter, “Tell me! what is it?”.

Alice fought back her tears, swallowed the lump in her throat and then began to speak again in a crooked voice, “I did not come here at this time of the year to weep about my life. Why don’t you get it.” Tears had broken loose from her eyes.

Sobbing she continued, “I am sorry for what I did. I am sorry. I was wrong. You people don’t deserve a daughter like me. I left the house to prove to you guys that I deserve a better life. Was totally wrong. It is absolutely wrong to judge your parents. Honestly all these years, I have craved your warmth every single night. I just want to come back HOME. Be with my family where I belong. I don’t want the gigs and teenage anxiety. I want to live a normal family life. Reconnect with Ted and get to know my sister better. I want to depend on you, dad! I am sorry I said all those horrible things to you about staying out of your clutches and building a better future on my own.”.

Alice had lost her voice. Still, she kept feebly mumbling, “I want to be taken care of. I am torn. Rest...weary soul.”

The glam and charisma Alice Heartwood had on stage, None would have thought this life was a prison for her. Yet of course, without your family by your side, even heaven would feel gruesome.

Wrapping both his hands around Alice’s shoulder, Richard let a tear slide down his cheek. “I know you have been hurt by the rough patches, I know you have carried burdensome businesses at such a tender age, but you had to learn your lesson. I will fill up every void you have grown inside, I will give you all the love you have missed on, we will both make up for all the lost times once the storm is over for all.”, Richard had made promises to uplift his child.

"Will you carry my burden after all this?", Alice had asked weepingly.

"You are the core of my heart. I shall wholeheartedly carry you ALWAYS.", Richard had professed with his eyes shut.

Alice remained crying unabated, however, her sobs were not of sorrow anymore. she was a living and breathing person again, draining all the bad memories from her soul, detoxifying her mind and letting go of her baggage. The sparkle in her eyes had silently told me how her soul was planning for a fresh start.

Leaving her behind, I stalked through the rest half of the globe that was mine at this hour. I looked for these tales every night to tell to a child who turns toward me on sleepless nights.