Another sad year.

Somewhere in our huge world, lived a twenty year old girl named Megan.

What comes to mind when people think about twenty year olds is, partying, going to college, young love, living life to the fullest… But unfortunately Megan's life was nothing like that.

When she was just 18 years old, she lost her precious mother to cancer..

Ever since that devastating and shattering tragedy happened, Megan's life changed forever. Or better said, she stopped having a life at all.

Her life came crawling down around her and everything was spiraling out of control.

She was very sad and sorrowful. Grief took all over her life as she spent every second of her days thinking about her mother. 

She developped severe depression and anxiety.

She only went out of the house to go to the graveyard.

Sadness, pain and melancholy took all over her, and it was as if she was stuck in an endless loop of suffering.

She had many days that she would always dread and feel bitter about, like holidays, birthdays, Mother's day.. and especially New Year's Eve.

She really dreaded that day and wished if she could just skip it or just sleep it off.

She couldn't celebrate like other people. She was unable to feel joy and excitement. All she felt was painful and sad emotions.

Going into a new year without her mother always made her feel so depressed and hopeless.

She wished from the bottom of her heart, to relive the good old days when she used to celebrate the New Year's Eve with her mother and her entire family. 

When she used to be happy and safe, laying in her kind mother's embrace. 

She missed her mom and her old life like crazy.

Today, is that time of the year again. The 31st of december, 2019.

Megan took her sleeping pills last night after crying her eyes out for hours.

Today, she wakes up at 10am feeling so tired and worn out..

She stays in bed, unable to even get up.

She keeps thinking about how long this day is going to be. 

She hears the voices of her dad and grandma as they are going about their day as if it was just any other day.

She feels overwhelmed with the numerous emotions she is feeling at the same time.

The weather is very cold and cloudy today, and that makes her feel even more melancholic, because there's something about cold winter days that makes her miss her mother's warmness even more every single time.

She keeps thinking about ways to make the day go by faster but nothing comes to her mind.

She stays in her bed until 2pm, as her grandma calls for her to come and have lunch at the very least, since she skipped breakfast as always.

She hardly leaves her bed in order to not worry and burden her grandma.

She eats only a little portion of food as she has no appetite.

Her grandma looks at her, worry and pity clear in her eyes.

She tries to comfort her, but she knows very well that no word can ease this hopless girl’s pain.

Megan washes the dishes and tries to help her grandma with housework as she feels sorry that she let her grandma do all the tiring work including cooking and cleaning.

But her grandma tells her that it's okay. She can go and rest in her room.

At about 3pm, Megan goes back to her empty cold room. She lies on her bed again.

Her friend calls her, but she doesn't answer the phone. There's nothing she wants to talk about and there's no word she wants to hear.

She just lays there, her heart aching so much as if it's going to explode.

She looks at the pictures of her mother on her phone, and feels tears crawling down her cheeks.

She kisses the phone and hugs it, and starts calling for her mother as she sobs none stop.

There are no words that can describe her pain and sorrow at the moment.

She spends the whole afternoon laying on her bed doing nothing.

Just thinking about her mother and how bad she wants to be with her.

It sucks. It really sucks. Everything in her life.

She wonders why her life turned out like this. What did she do to deserve all this pain.

She is yearning for her sweet and beautiful mother's presence.

She misses everything about her, every little detail… All the times they spent together.. And she regrets all the times she wasted away from her.

At about 6pm, she goes to the living room where her grandma, her uncle and his wife are sitting. Her dad insists that she should sit with them a little and that she shouldn't spend the whole day in her bed.

She has no choice but to obey her father. 

She sits there, silent and spacing out. Everyone in the room eyeing her with pity and sadness.

But despite the tense atmosphere in the room, they try to talk normally , about normal topics.

They don't even mention anything about the new year as they know how sensible Megan is.

They soon leave, and Megan gets up from her sit to go back to her room.

Her dad stops her and tells her to have dinner since she didn't really eat anything the whole day.

She tells him she has no appetite but he insists so she goes to the kitchen with him.

He puts food infront of her and begs her to eat, as he is very worried about her health. He tells her he understands what she is feeling and going through but she should atleast eat something so she won't faint or something.

She eats for the sake of her father as she hates feeling as if she was a burden on him, always bringing him down.

After that, at about 8pm she goes back to her room.

She swallows a bunch of sleeping pills and lays on her bed waiting to fall asleep so she can rest from all the torture she is going through and just sleep the rest of the day off.

But sadly, even though she had a huge amount of sleeping pills, she couldn't sleep fastly. 

Maybe it's because of the heartache and headache she feels. Or the many racing thoughts she is having.

She decides to listen to some sad music as she waits for sleep to take her away.

Soon enough, tears are dripping from her eyes like a water fountain. She cries as she listens to the saddest of songs that she can relate to. 

Most people in the world are celebrating at this moment. They're happy with their families by their sides.

They're excited and can't wait for the new year to come. All you can hear from their homes are echoes of laughing and screaming ‘ Happy new year ‘ ..

Megan wishes she was like everyone else. She even wishes she was someone else.

She wishes to have a normal life like them. That's all she is asking for. A normal life.

But it's impossible. 

She wishes she could turn back time to the good old days… 

It's a new year. A new decade, without the most important and precious person in the world.

For others it's a new begining. For her it's just another sad empty year without her precious. Another wasted year of her life that could have been something else if that tragedy didn't occur. 

Another wasted year that reminds her of her youth that she wasted.. 

Megan keeps listening to sad songs and crying her eyes out, until she finally falls asleep.

Maybe in her dreams, she will celebrate the new year's eve with her mother. 

In real life, there's no celebration, no happiness and joy…

Because Megan just can't be happy without her mom. She can't celebrate and party, with all the sadness and pain in her heart. 

How can she celebrate the coming of a another sad year without her mom ?.. 

Megan sleeps. But deep down she knows, tomorrow will be another hard day.

The first day of the new decade without her mother.

There are no words that can describe Megan's sadness. 

Somewhere in our miserable and sad world, sleeps a hopeless girl with tear traces on her face, on New Year's Eve… 

It will be just another sad year...