Let's Walk Alone

The countdown had begun. Neena had less than 12 hours to email the manuscript of her new book to her publisher. She had resolved that she was going to complete all pending jobs before ringing in the new year. The book was the last job on her ‘To Do’ list in which all other items had been ticked off. She had been working on the book during her sabbatical and was done with the writing. But it took her two days to check all the citations, insert missing details and format them in the required style. All that remained was the bibliography. She disappeared in her study and started early in the morning to complete the manuscript so that she could spend the New Year’s Eve with her family. She had underestimated the time it takes to cut and paste citations from each chapter and arrange them in an alphabetical order. Her mother Veena had popped in several times to check what they should have for lunch but Nina hardly looked up from the computer screen. Veena sighed and retreated to her bedroom. At lunch, Neena was too preoccupied to notice what she was served.  She absentmindedly ate the food and excused herself saying she had a deadline to meet. She missed the disappointment on Veena’s face and her retiring to her bedroom for her afternoon nap. Neena’s son Sunny was too busy texting on his cellphone to engage in conversation.

Neena was back in her study to rearrange the order of citations in the bibliography. She matched the list of figures in the chapters with the images that had to be sent in a separate folder to make sure that she had got the numbers right. She realized that she had removed or added images and the numbers had to be changed.  She converted the acknowledgements, chapters and bibliography into pdfs one at a time. She placed all the pdf documents and placed them in a single folder. She opened the checklist and ticked off all the items that were to be sent. She glanced up to see Sunny peeping in to say he was going out to check out the festive lights in the neighbourhood. She half heard Veena call her to say that the tea was ready. The music from the New Year’s Eve party had begun to waft in through the window along with sounds of partygoers beckoning each other to hurry up. But she was not going to leave her study until she had mailed the manuscript. She converted the manuscript folder into a zip folder, composed a formal email, typed the address and attached the zip folder. A final click on send and the deed was done. To ensure that she had sent the right files she downloaded them and opened each one. Her eyes had begun to water after sitting in front of the computer screen for close to eight hours. She shut down the computer and walked up to the dining room.

Neena wanted to share her excitement with Veena and tell her the secret she had kept from her family the entire year. The book was dedicated to Veena and Neena wanted to give it to her as a new year gift. But Veena had vanished into her bedroom. Never mind, Neena told herself, her mother would forgive her when she came to know why she had been hiding in her room. She pulled out some cookies and munched on them as she sipped the tepid tea that Veena had covered with a coaster. It was just as well that Veena was out of sight because Neena had planned another surprise for her. She was going to cook a special New Year’s Eve dinner that would include all the things Veena and Sunny loved. And she had less than three hours to prepare dinner and set the table. Neena set about cooking dinner with the same zeal with which she had put the finishing touches to her manuscript. She chopped vegetables, steamed lentils, whisked yogurt, ground chutneys and kneaded the dough. With all the four burners running and parallel processing, she had a festive vegetarian meal ready in an hour and a half. She lay out crochet tablemats on the embroidered white tablecloth and brought out the bone china crockery that Veena loved. She set the table for eight in the wild hope that her brother and his family would surprise them at dinner.  And perhaps her itinerant husband who was always on the ship.

Veena did not like going out to the community function and wanted to spend the evening talking to her family. Neena could hear Veena calling up their extended family to wish them a happy new year while she was cooking. Good, this means that she was not going to be out for a while. It was nearly two hours. The music had grown louder in the open-air dance floor. Neena could hear the MC calling out different groups to perform on stage. The whistles and screaming told her that the fashion show put up by the professional models whose parents lived in the gated colony had begun. The sitar recital and qawaali followed. Veena was still on the phone calling up relatives she had not spoken to the entire year. Youngsters were cheering for the resident up and coming rock band, who had agreed to perform gratis in deference to the wishes of their neighbours. Veena’s voice was drowned by the loud music but she was still chatting on the phone.   The rock show ended and the revellers stopped for dinner before resuming the show. Neena placed the flower vase with fresh roses just in time and called Veena out for dinner but Veena was too engrossed in catching up on family news to pay attention to her. Sunny stormed in and beamed at the decorations on the dinner table but told her to hurry because he had to join his friends for the dance. She began to serve his dinner asking him to call his grandmother to dinner. “She says she will have it later”, he reported before sitting down to relish his favourite dishes in the meal.  Exclaiming that it was delicious, he invited her to begin but she begged off saying she would eat with her mother. 

The DJ was on the turntable inviting everyone to jump on to the dancefloor. Neena could hear heavy thumping, shouting and squealing as the dancing began. The DJ began by playing slow, soft, vintage numbers for the middle aged and elderly, who still loved to dance, for about an hour. Neena could Veena chat with her favourite sister when there was a break in the music. Then loud music began to blare with the happy sounds of the young. She knocked on Veena’s bedroom door twice to tell her that she was waiting but Veena was lost in recollecting her childhood with her siblings. At half past 11, Neena began to feel extremely hungry and decided to taste all the items on the menu that had gone completely cold. Veena was now calling her relatives overseas including those she had not met for years. Neena wearily put away all the food in the fridge and cleared the table. The roses and candles alone remained as reminders of the treat that no-one wanted.

She brushed her teeth and went to bed. She closed her eyes but the sounds of firecrackers prevented her from falling asleep. It was midnight. She could hear screaming and shouting as everyone wished each other a happy new year. They were followed by sounds of footsteps as people returned to their apartments loudly calling out to each other. The doorbell rang exactly at five past twelve. It was her brother and his family who had popped in after partying hard in to greet their mother before they drove back home. They wished Veena a happy new year with alcohol laced high spirits and politely inquired about Neena.  Neena held back the tears in the corners of her eyes but did not step out of her bedroom.  She made a New Year Resolution that she was never going to bring work home and spend quality time with family whenever she was home.

She kept tossing and turning but could not sleep for another hour. Then she heard Veena enter the kitchen and warm the dinner while loudly humming an old song about having to walk all alone. Completely drained after the strain of working on the computer all day and the three-hour long cooking, Neena did not have the energy or will to offer an explanation. She drifted off to sleep to the sound of Veena noisily eating her dinner to the tune of “Walk all alone”. The sun was up when Neena woke up the next morning.  Sunny had sneaked into his bedroom after partying all night with his friends and was fast asleep. Veena was done with her shower and breakfast and was combing her hair. Neena had many more plans for the new year up her sleeve. Like taking Veena out for a New Year Lunch followed by a Bollywood movie in the theatre. But Veena was in no mood for a family lunch or going to the movies. She cheerfully informed Neena that she enjoyed her midnight feast and was now going out to meet her friends in the neighbourhood to wish them for the new year.

The lunch would have to wait along with the announcement of the new book, Neena let out a wistful sigh. She sought refuge as always in the comfort of her study. She switched on the computer and began to type the proposal for a novel. About mothers and daughters.