Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Carol Ann Keefer

             What is it about seeking amends for an error that one person makes-is it something within us humans that crave for acceptance?   There are occasions where the hurt is too deep and, amends are left unanswered.  However, with enough time, forgiveness will take hold and amend for wrong will be answered in time-where hope begins new.

 So is our story, ashes of a friendship buried and, hope is waiting.

             Janneke drinks her coffee in the comfort of her apartment as the rain nourishes the dry and thirsty land. In the distance, thunder rolls across the dark sky as flashes of lighting create a fantastic light show. You can almost smell the sweet rain and see the glow of illumination across the sky. There is something about the rain and thunder that conjures up memories of children huddle in their parent's arms for protection—playing in the puddles seeing who can splash the water higher than anyone else.  Aww, those good-o-days, remember?

             That was then, and now the rain has become Nothing more than a nuisance than anything, especially when she must drive in the rain; it's her least favorite beside snow. Janneke puts down her coffee as she ambles into her bedroom, picking up a  book a murder mystery, Nothing like a good book to past the time away, settling back on the couch-she begins to read- like time on the clock that slowly ticks away on this particular  Friday morning.

             Licking her fingers, Janneke picks up where she last left the story, often, she is lucky to read more than a couple of pages, always it appears that just when the story gets exciting something interrupts. Annoying as those times are, we at times cannot evade them, no matter how hard we try. It has been with Janneke, and ever since becoming a nurse at the local hospital, her life is anything but routine. Hers is full of exciting stories with each emergency, from the most straightforward cases as well as life and death, Janneke never knows from one minute to the next what she will find herself involved doing. 

             Never once has she ever regretted going for her BSN (bachelor in nursing), it was always a dream of hers ever since she was a teenager, back when she met Marie, who at that time was one of the popular girls in all the seventh grade. Do you know the type?  However, Marie was anything like the other popular girls, for if she had, Janneke and Marie would never become friends. And so, as friends do, from time to time, is to move away from each other; however, no matter the distance, a deep bond formed between them, one unshakeable or Janneke thought. 

             The rumbling of thunder shook the apartment, bringing Janneke back to reality, finding herself re-reading the same sentence now for the fourth or fifth time, laying down the book; she pours another cup of coffee. Janneke knows that she should make something to eat, besides two cups of coffee. She was staring in the cupboards, spying to find something to eat, like old Mother Huppert, Janneke's cupboards were almost bare. Making a mental note-need to buy some food- she grabs the one thing she had Frosty Flakes-not that Janneke particularly likes them, they have been her staple diet ever since she was a child. Taking a whiff of the milk, she pours it into the bowl, a little extra sugar, okay, three teaspoons- just the right amount to satisfy her restless sweet tooth.  Just as Janneke sat down, her phone rings, annoyed, she answered, "Yeah?" Janneke hastily said with no regards to the person on the other end, after all this is my day off, she whispered under her breath.

                            "Janneke?" the person surprisingly said

             "Oh, I'm sorry, Ms. Pam." Janneke straightens up, "I wasn’t expecting you to call me.”

                            “I understand, it’s just that we need you to come in today.”

             “Today? But...” – “I know it’s your day off, and I wouldn’t have called if we weren’t short staff.”

             “Short staff, today?” Janneke’s words spat out, recalling the schedule she knew that there should be enough nurses to cover Today’s shift.

                            “Yes, one of the nurses called off today—something about an emergency of some sort.”

             “Okay, I’ll be there in twenty minutes, as soon as I get changed.” – Janneke dumps the rest of the cereal into the trash; no sense in finishing it since it is already soggy from the milk.  Nothing worse than soggy cereal

                            “Thank you,” Ms. Pam said.

             Within minutes Janneke changes into her scrubs and heads out the door, running in between the raindrops Janneke starts up her old 1967 Jeep tiger top, with enough coaxing the engine comes alive.  The headlights illuminate the road, traveling at a safe speed, Janneke pulls into the employee parking lot, that seems a hundred miles away from the entrance. Scrambling in the back seat for an umbrella pushes the door open and makes a quick dash around the puddles. Unlike when Janneke was a child who delighted in splashing in every puddle she had come across. Long gone are those innocent days, now a reality of adulthood has taken over.

             The receptionist, Sally, I believe, glances up from her phone, “Ms. Janneke, I thought you were off today?”

                            “Yeah,” Janneke swiftly answers on her way to the operating area; that’s her specialty, the one thing where Janneke knows she can make a difference. Since Janneke was a small child, she was fascinated with playing make-believe, bandaging up her dolls, and taking their temperature. Like playing dress-up or pending to be a teacher, where imagination plays a vital part in all children.  While some of us move on to different avenues, others continued to follow their childhood dreams and change the make-believe into a reality.  That’s what Janneke did by making her dream come true with every ounce of determination, she presses forward, never looking back to her past.

             “Hey, well, if it isn’t Ms. Janneke, who had graciously agreed to make an appearance here, today,” Mabel commented as she leaned over to another Nurse standing behind the desk. Those words echoed somewhere deep in Janneke’s soul, words that perhaps you have heard as well?. With determination, Janneke walks past them without a single word; she knows just how futile any remark will sound, so it is best to keep any comments to herself.  

             “Hey, Janneke, glad you can make it,” Dr. Phillips said as he was walking up to her-stopping in her mid-stride, Janneke off-handedly said, “Yeah, thanks” before turning around to leave. Catching Janneke by her arm, Dr. Phillps said, “Where do you think you’re going?”

                            ‘Um, to see Ms. Pam”, Janneke continued, “Why? What’s it to you?”

             ‘I need you in the operating room now.”

“Now?” Janneke stuttered, “But..”- “But nothing, that’s why I had Ms. Pam call you.” Dr. Phillips sternly said- occasionally checking to see if Janneke was following.  Reluctantly, she followed Dr. Phillip to the operating room; there waiting was the other staff and Marie, whose cold stare took Janneke by surprise. An unwanted look that bores deep within making the person feel a pang of uncontrollable guilt even if they didn’t do anything wrong.  However, that was not the case with Janneke; now, she remembers why Marie’s glare had caused her deep pain. 

             Pain within the ashes of a broken friendship.  A friendship that had once span many years, one of sisterhood came crashing down like a ton of bricks. Though at that time, what started as a simple act of kindness ended up in a disaster.  All that it took was a look, that’s what Janneke remembers, his blue eyes looking at her, wanting her-she fell for it hook line and sinker. A fish caught on the end of a fishing pole because of tantalizing bate.  

              It was that tantalizing bate that lured Janneke in and, before realizing what was happening, the damages done. In an instant, a friendship was ripe apart, for what? A moment of passion exchanged for a friend? At what cost? The cost of four innocent lives that will be forever changed.  Leaving behind only scares that in time may heal, though truth be told a marriage ended, a friendship is broken, and a young life hangs in the balance. 

             A balance that in time will change, and in its place, hope will be born.  Born out of new eyes to see not with rose color glasses but with the truth.  A truth where lies cannot hide. That is what Janneke is slowly learning, a hard lesson, never the less, it causes her to grow. Grow not depending on someone else to hold her hand, but being able to stand on her own two feet. And out of this time of regret, a new friendship takes hold, one unexpected, that perhaps would never happen if not for the rubble left behind.

The end.