So Far Away

The moon shone brightly against the ebony night sky, casting the slightest of spotlights on a young couple sitting at their deck. Two pairs of feet buried in their yard of sand and fingers intertwined as they gazed at the stars and contemplated the future that lay ahead of them. 

“I have felt him move within me for nine months, you don’t think I know who he really is?” Caroline chuckled as she pinched her husband, Lucas in the bicep. 

“There are some things a dad just knows; one of which is that he will spoil his little girl rotten” Lucas insisted. 

The pair had been arguing about the sex of their baby from the moment they knew they were expecting. They decided to keep the mystery alive by waiting until the day their baby was born. But that didn’t mean a little friendly competition was forbidden. 

“What do you think? Would you mind telling us who you are?” Caroline asked as she placed a hand on her growing bump and gazed down at it. She then sighed in amazement, unable to make sense of the fact that they were only three weeks away from the answer. Three weeks away from finally becoming a family. 

Suddenly, a light breeze encircled the young couple; whispering that the young parents would know who their baby was in good time. And that they would feel as if they’d known the baby their whole lives. A shiver was sent through Caroline’s spine. At this, Lucas immediately ran into the house and returned with his wife’s dusty rose silk robe. 

“Looking for anything specific?” Lucas as he draped the robe over her freckled shoulders. 

“Not anymore, because I just found it. You see that star over there?” Caroline asked as she settled her head into Lucas’s broad shoulder and pointed to the middle of the midnight sky. 

“Second star to the right. You remembered?” Lucas asked, recalling that for their first Christmas together, he named a star after himself. In his eyes, Caroline was already a star. This way, if they were ever apart, she would know that he was shining down on her. 

“How could I forget?” Caroline sighed as she savoured this moment, knowing that in just a few short weeks it would no longer be just the two of them. 

                                         ~ 

“This just seems so surreal. I still can’t believe I was wrong” Lucas exclaimed on a sunny Saturday afternoon, throwing his hands up in defeat and pacing the laminate floor of the house in a sleek black suit and mint green bow tie. 

“Well, believe it, daddy. Charlie Jude Wilder is here to stay” Caroline smiled blissfully at the three week old bundle in her arms, who offered her the briefest of smiles at the sound of her smooth, calming voice. Lucas often remarked that it sounded as if it belonged at a jazz club. He claimed that he knew he was in love with her the moment his ears were blessed with her rendition of Carole King’s So Far Away at a karaoke bar on their third date. 

“I’m glad someone’s here to keep you company while I’m gone. You’re the man of the house now, Charlie Jude. Are you sure you don’t mind me going to this wedding?” Lucas asked, looking into his wife’s sparkling hazel eyes and ran a hand through her honey silk blonde hair. 

“We’ll be fine. I don’t recall marrying a man who doesn’t keep his promises. Besides, Michael asked you to be his best man long before we knew I was pregnant. No turning back now” Caroline insisted as she shot her husband a stern look and stood up to urge him out the door. However, not before she could trace his strong jaw with a free hand and steal one last kiss. Much like the first time they kissed under the shade of the palm trees, surrounded by the stars, it felt as if Lucas and Caroline were the only two people in the world.

As they broke apart and the reality of Charlie’s pterodactyl cries interfered, Lucas studied his wife and child with great focus. He memorized the sight of mother and son together as if this was the last time he would see them. Caroline’s hair was knotted in places, several strands stood in a variety of directions. Her smile still shone despite the bags under her eyes, courtesy of sleep deprivation. All the while, Charlie grunted and slept on; completely oblivious to the world around him. For someone so young and innocent, Caroline couldn’t fathom the day her son would be exposed to the harsh realities of life. 

“Take care of her, little man” Lucas said as he placed a gentle kiss on his son’s forehead before officially gliding out the door. 

Upon approaching the highway, the young lawyer’s head swam with doubt. Did he make the right choice by leaving his wife and newborn son? On the other hand, he was met with a vivid image of his college friend and football teammate, Michael Sanchez. A tall, lean man with tanned skin and glasses identical to those of Harry Potter; who felt he was completely incompetent in the love department. But not after Lucas played wing man and introduced him to a free-spirited redhead named Maggie, who was in Lucas’s family law studies. He couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing his best friend, so at Caroline’s insistence, Lucas went. However, the thought of his wife and son remained at the front of his mind. 

Lucas rolled his eyes as they locked on a pickup truck that couldn’t seem to make up its mind, moving from side to side throughout the lanes. The young lawyer did his best to avoid the truck, however, they kept meeting. Behind him, the headlights of the royal blue pickup shone brighter than the sun. It was enough to nearly blind anyone that drove by. Unbeknownst to Lucas, the truck had collided with the tail of his minivan, shattering the windows and sending him flying through the windshield and onto the hood of the car with a thump. The last thing he saw were stars. 

                                   ~ 

Elsewhere, Caroline’s brother, Mason had stopped by to watch Charlie so she could get a shower in for the day. The thirty five year old man peered into the bassinet and watched his slumbering nephew in awe. Everyone else in the family had their firm beliefs on who Charlie resembled more. Majority said he was the spitting image of Caroline, while others like Lucas’ mother, Violet and Caroline herself believed that he was a hundred percent Lucas. 

“You know, I think I’m finally coming around to a decision” Mason announced to an empty living room. However, he had a feeling his younger sister could hear him from the bathroom around the corner. 

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” Caroline hollered in response against the calming drizzle of the shower. 

Just as Mason prepared to unleash his answer, Caroline’s phone vibrated against the hardwood coffee table; shaking the floor beneath it. The caller ID read: Wild One; which he knew to be his sister’s nickname for her husband. Mason ran a hand through his chestnut brown hair and shrugged, thinking there was no harm in answering until Caroline returned. 

“Hey, slick. Did you make it to the wedding okay?” Mason asked teasingly. However, his cheery disposition was quick to fade as an unfamiliar voice responded. The thirty-five year old pediatrician grew very concerned. 

“I’m calling for Mrs Caroline Wilder. Is she available?” the strange but comforting male voice said. 

“She stepped out for a minute. Can I take a message?” Mason offered.

Mason’s heart dropped at the revelation that followed. His palms began to sweat and he nearly dropped Caroline’s phone to the ground. He could pay to fix every crack and dent in one simple device. But he couldn’t imagine that there was any recovering from the news he was about to deliver. Once more, he peered into the bassinet to admire his nephew, who momentarily stirred. 

“I’m so sorry, buddy” Mason sighed, blowing warm air into his abruptly clammy hands and proceeded to rub them together. 

Five minutes later, Caroline emerged in her uniform of grey sweatpants and one of Lucas’s Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts. Her honey blonde hair remained wrapped up in a second towel. 

“He didn’t give you any trouble, did he?” she asked, unravelling the towel as she took a seat next to her brother on the black leather sectional.

Mason found it difficult to make eye contact with her as he twiddled his thumbs and shook his right leg.  For a second, he looked at the sky and dared to ask, “why do I have to tell her? I can’t break my little sister’s heart”. But deep down, he knew he had to. It was better she heard it from him than from anywhere or anyone else. 

“Mace, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?” Caroline demanded. 

A single tear tumbled down the side of his face as he released a breath and revealed the life altering news. 

“You have to go to the hospital. Now. Lucas was in an accident on the way to the wedding”. 

Caroline felt as if she had just been punched in the gut by a barbell carrying the weight of a hundred pounds. Her blood boiled and her head spun at her brother’s revelation. She had so many questions but knew that he didn’t have any of the answers. Instead she opted for this one. 

“What about-” 

“I’ll stay here with Charlie. You go on and be with your husband. I’m sure Violet will meet you there” Mason assured her. 

                  ~ 

Caroline burst through the transparent doors of the St. Ambrose emergency room. Standing erect from the hunched position she used to catch her breath, she caught sight of Violet biting her nails and pacing the perimeter of the room. 

“Where is he?” the younger psychologist asked in a panic. 

“Still in the OR. But we should hear back soon” Violet answered as calmly as she could muster. Caroline nodded her understanding as she and her mother in law sat down and waited out the storm together. 

It seemed a lifetime had gone by as they waited on the fate of the man they loved. But in reality, it had only been an hour and a half. In that time, the pair of women tried their hardest to discuss other things such as: Charlie or their shared love of American Bake Off. However, all attempts to fill the silence failed. Just as both women thought to doze off, their hearts threatened to leap out of their chests as they were approached by a woman of average height in navy blue scrubs. She looked sorrowfully between the pair and introduced herself as Dr. Eliza Gonzales. 

“We did everything we could but the impact of the accident was too great. We’re so sorry for your loss” the doctor announced. Caroline and Violet shared a heartbroken look as they both thought to ask how it was possible. But they knew better. Instead, they continued to hold each other’s gaze and fall apart in each other’s arms. Once the young mother had run out of tears, Caroline lifted her head from Violet’s chest, dismissed a stream of tears and asked, “how did you get through it? Losing Lucas’s dad?” She then thought long and hard about facing parenthood alone. Charlie being denied all the experiences a boy should grow to have with his father: first baseball game, dating advice and the talk. Experiences that Lucas had been similarly denied given that his father, Pete died when he was three. 

Violet cleaned up a speck of her smeared mascara, looked at her daughter in law with identical grief filled eyes and replaced a strand of hair back behind Caroline’s ear. Even though it was a lifetime ago, the elderly brunette could still remember the day as if it were yesterday. She was not proud of how she handled it, but what kind of example would that set for Caroline and Charlie? So she took the route of a more gentle truth. 

“I leaned on the support of my friends. Your dad was a big help, always has been. I would stand at the shore and let the waves crash at my feet, remembering that was where Pete wanted his ashes scattered. But most importantly, I looked at that little boy who needed me… more than anything.  I lived every day because we needed each other” Violet advised. 

Caroline nodded her understanding and held the retired psychologist’s words close to her heart. For they would be the glue that kept her family together. 

~

A month had gone by since Lucas’s passing. Somehow, Caroline and Charlie had settled themselves into a steady routine of waking up, watching the sunrise and talking about Lucas. With each day that came and went, the young mother was in a never ending state of awe every time she looked at her son. He was the complete carbon copy of his father, from his thin lips to the way his ears stuck out just the right amount. Perhaps this was a sign that a part of him would always be with her. Her heart skipped a beat as she abruptly looked up from a photo album, to find Charlie’s glass shattering cries emanating from the baby monitor. 

“I know exactly what we need,” Caroline said as she leaned into the crib to retrieve the infant. For the first time in a month, the slightest of smiles crept upon her face as she held him close and they ventured out onto the deck. 

Settling them into a chair, Caroline began recounting the time she knew she was in love with Lucas. When he tried his hardest to win her a giant teddy bear in a navy uniform on their first date at the pier. Charlie squealed, cried and his face went beet red at the mention of his parents’ first kiss. Caroline chuckled, thinking he was far too young to be grossed out by it yet. It was just impeccable timing. She rocked him gently and allowed a light breeze to engulf them both in its embrace. She then looked toward the stars in search of the brightest one, and began to sing her late husband’s favourite song.

So far away

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

And it doesn't help to know that you're just time away

Long ago, I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

Oh, how I wish I could

But you're so far away, yeah