The Light in Your Eyes

“Flamboyant ClairvoyANT.”

"What?"

"Lord, I can't repeat myself again. They were a flamboyant clairvoyant by the same name."

"So they could tell you your future. I don't see what's so special-"

"No, they could only see into the past to see which one of your ancestors was gay."

"Wait-"

"See, there was this baron with a side piece and a gambling debt to said side piece, but there was no proof that said baron - who was separated but still entangled with his wife and grown children – who had kept secrets to his grave – was ever in the "lurid" arrangement. At least that's what the family argued when the baron's will made it so all debit went to his family and all his protected assets went to the "love of his guilt-ridden life Rolf" as was written by his hand with a witness signature. Now see, the witness couldn't be produced but-"

"I’m sorry. What does this have to do with the Flamboyant Clairvoyant? Did they contact the dead baron from the grave to con-“

“Um, rude.”

“…Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“…As I was saying, no, they told me the story while reading my palms 'cause apparently, they were the reincarnate of Rolf. Also, told us my great-aunt was a lesbian. The look on my mother’s face, AH! I could’ve died. I told that woman it ran in the family. Goofy ass, athletic and clumsy, but mad at me for not choosing a lane, child. She the one can’t run in a straight line but will somersault instead of face plant. I mean, have you ever?”

“That…I don’t really know what to do with that.”

“Ugh, well, you asked.”

“I asked if you knew which way we were going?!”

“And I said if I could see ahead, I’d be Flamboyant Clairvoyant!”

“What?! You said they couldn’t even look into the future. How-“

“Imma need you to resolve this obvious internal struggle with yo’self cuz I’m tired, and you missed the turn.”

“The Fuc-! Dammit, if you knew!”

“Stop yelling. I’m going to take a nap.”

Carmen screeched to a halt on the emptied highway that blazed in the sun and reversed to the unmarked turn-off that led them down yet another stretch of dusted road. Carmen was sure the migraine punching behind her right eye was now a permanent consequence of her life choices, or this was the Lake story to break her brain.

Snorting to themselves, “The woman named me Lake, I mean. Right? Woman grew up in the desert, never even seen a lake in her life. Couldn’t swim but could dive. Just crazy.”

“It's another hundred miles until our next turn. Keep a lookout.” Was the only response Carmen could muster, as Lake threw their seat back with a squeak and a jolt before turning away from Carmen, muttering and scoffing until the sounds morphed into a jagged snore.

Carmen and Lake had met 48 hours earlier in the shopping mall parking lot. They’ve changed cars twice within this time and have potentially murdered thirty people and have indeed injured at least fifty. Half were actively after them in their own defense, and the other half were at the buffet line grabbing knives. Who knew a doomsday cult cookout would turn out exactly as advertised. Now, they found themselves on the run toward The Meka to see for themselves what was coming.

“What do you think it's going to look like?” Carmen asked, turning to Lake, who was at the wheel now. They would switch whenever night fell since Carmen couldn’t see at night and Lake couldn’t be bothered during the day.

“I bet it's some obscure nonsense, you know? Like we’ll all see something different. Why? Whatcha hoping to see? That would be the better question. I’d hope to see my mother. Just to say, ‘I TOLD YOU SO!’ one last time.” Lake said with a chuckle.

Carmen quickly became somber and intensely withdrawn.

“Well, what the hell just crawled up you and died. Jesus, the AC is broke, but I could feel that chill.” Lake laughed.

“Drop it.”

“Come on now, don’t ice me out like that after all we’ve been through.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Bull-shit, I bet I know you better than your own kin at this point. Now, let's not do this sullen act again. It's too long a road, and if I know anything-“

“Just! Jus-Jus, dammit, leave it. Leave me!” Carmen sputtered, slamming her fist against the door handle before indignantly crossing her arms.

“Oh, calm down now.” Lake huffed.

“I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“You’re just what? Pissed off, angry, scared, lonely, shit, take your pick.” Lake cackled, flourishing their hand out as if to display the options ahead.

With a defeated sigh, Carmen glared at the monotonous browns surrounding them, “All of the above.”

“Okay. And?”

“And what?” Carmen snapped.

“Really? You’re gonna make me flat-out ask it? That elephant has flattened our last two cars with the amount of room it's taken. We’ve been driving through nothing to get to nowhere. We came through hell.”

“Just shut it! Why are you speaking in metaphors all of a sudden?!”

Lake brought their eyes from the road and stared down Carmen, “Really? What happened back there was nothing short of hellish, and what’s happenin’ in front of us is just a beast of a different kind. Now stop beating up me, the car, and yourself, and speak.”

Carmen paused, “…I-I did this for her. Too her. She was the one that found them and got so involved. I wasn’t there in the right ways… Then she passed. And they sent that invite. I-I thought it was the answer.”

“Umph! Those fools couldn’t answer the telephone.” Lake chortled.

“Don’t.”

“Listen, we are in the same boat or car, if ya will. I knew you weren’t one of them when I saw you in the parking lot. They twisted up everyone I knew bad. Like they did your wife. But…they weren’t wrong about everything.”

The rattle of the mirrors filled the silence that lay over them as they fell into their own memories. Swayed by the damaged road, glittered gravel - illuminated by their headlights - scrapes across the car's sides while the night wind whistled past the unsealed windows. The radio had been silent since yesterday; not even static could be heard, no matter the frequency. So, Carmen and Lake had been left to engage or individually die of boredom and anxiety. Although more than once, each had sworn to never speak to the other. But time would pass, and one of them would wonder aloud.

“How’d you get involved in all this?” Carmen yawns and stretches while musing at Lake’s private party after waking from a deep thought to see dawn rising in the distance. The seat groans upright as Carmen smirks at the sight of Lake dancing to a techno tune that they hummed and beatboxed to themselves. 

The sound of the chair made Lake jump, “Oh shit! When did you get up? Scared the hell out of me. We’re gonna need to switch soon. I was teleported back to the rave, where I lost my favorite pet after the barn burned down. Should’ve known fluffies and pyrotechnics weren’t the best idea, but when your old overstuff unicorn from childhood visits you in an LSD dream and says ‘RAGE!’, you listen.”

“I don’t –“ Carmen, thoroughly confused, was still too tired to follow the thread noticing that Lake suddenly became uncharacteristically sullen.

“It came to me in a dream. And I’ve never been good with shutting up…now look where we are.” Lake seems to muse to themselves.

“I don’t understand.”

“Would you say you can’t see it?” Lake snorts sarcastically.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“You know, when I was little, I had this dream that my uncle fell down the stairs. And every night for what seemed like weeks, I had this same dream, wake up and spend the day gasping, terrified whenever my uncle got close to the stairs. See, he worked nights and stayed in the basement. So when we were eatin’ breakfast, it would be his dinner, so he’d come up to eat then back down to sleep.”

Carmen was about to interrupt, but Lake’s eyes were so far off in the distance. Carmen decided to stay silent while Lake continued.

“I remember he asked me why I looked so wild-eyed one morning. He used to call me his ‘water bug,’ and I can remember…” Lake seemed to straighten up, taking on a different demeanor, mimicking her uncle for a moment, “he said, ‘N-Now, why is my watabug lookin’ so wild?’ an’ I just burst into tears and told them about my dreams. My mother beat me for that, of course, but that night I swear I just couldn’t take it. I had to do something. So I snuck down and slept at the top of those stairs and swore I’d protect him. No uncle of mine is going tumbling…” Lake paused for a long moment and shook their head as they started to pull off to the side and put the car in park.

“Lake?” Carmen whispered.

“We create our own fates. Did you know that?” Lake turning to Carmen for the first time, their eyes glossed over, “If I’ve learned anything in all this, it's that.”

“Let’s just switch, okay? We’ve got our last can of beans-“

“My uncle came home early that morning. It was still dark out, but it was a straight shot from the front door to the basement in the kitchen, so he’d walk right through in that darkness. Do you know what a steel toe boot does to a child’s ribs? You’d think a fall like that would shake the whole house. It felt like it would shake the whole damn world. But when he tripped, he kinda flew, you know.”

Lake’s face made a painful grimace that resembled a smirk.

“Missed the tumbling part, so I guess I kept my word. But he just flew and thudded. ‘THU-dded,’ is that a word? Anyways…I didn’t have it in me to look down those stairs. I-I just went back up to my bed; pretended it was another bad dream. It was my aunt’s screams that shook those walls. I still remember the pain in my sides when I fell out that bed.”

“Jesus Lake…I’m so sor-“

“They thought I had the eye after that, and it made me fragile. How else could I’ve broken three ribs by falling out of bed? I never felt so loved. They all felt so bad for not believing me… Idiots, the lot of them.”

“How could you say that? Wait…” Carmen’s stomach sank so low she felt her toes might explode from the pressure.

“Now, you see, don’t you.”

“I-“

“I just needed a way out. The end is always near; it's around every corner. Funny enough, my aunt and uncle were never legally married, and it turned out my uncle never had a night job, just another family. His military buddy was actually his husband, and they had adopted children together and lived a quiet life just outta town. I found out later he came back early because he was leaving for good this time; he wanted to wake up to his husband and children. Can’t fault a man for that.”

Carmen was at a complete loss for words as the car idled on the side of the steaming highway, the cloudless purple sky giving way to a grayish-blue hue as the sun rose from the east.

“They ended up arresting my aunt since his husband paid for a private investigation. They thought he been pushed on account of how he flew…That’s how my mother and I found Flamboyant Clairvoyant to ask about her brother. You meet people on the circuit, you know.”

“Lake, stop. I’m-I’m so confused right now. I-what are you trying to tell me?” Carmen felt she was going blind.

“I guess my mother didn’t want to be poor anymore, and I just… I just wanted to be seen. I’m so terribly sorry about your wife, Carmen. Jack was a good woman. Loyal.”

“…I-I never told you my wife’s name Lake. Even when you asked me, I told you to leave it alone. I told you I couldn’t- I couldn’t say her name.” Carmen felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Jack told me all about you. She-she really, I don’t know how to put it, but I’ve never seen an expression of love that pure before. Jack loves you, Carmen, even in death. Even at this moment, that shit lingers. I feel like it's been tattooed on my skin. That’s how deeply she spoke every word about you. We would sit for hours, and she’d paint my being with you. So, when I saw you in the parking lot before the cookout and found out those idiots sent out paper invites from my private address book. I-I honestly didn’t know what to do. I thought everyone knew not to drink the juice at a cult cookout, so I poisoned the buffet.”

The thrum of the engine stood between them as Carmen gaped into the wide-set eyes of Lake before slowly reaching over to turn off the car. Her eyes move down to the key in her hand as she slumps back into her seat. The sounds of their heartbeats fill the quiet air.

Lake gulps, “There was a boy named Meka that lived down the street. He told me what his name meant the first time I met him. Do you know what he said?”