Heartbreak Eve

It’s December the most dreaded month of the year for many, but not for her. She looked forward to this time of the year, the winter holidays. She once loved so deep that her heart only knew him. She clung to his every word, the smell of his sweat, the way he slightly tossed and turned while sleeping. When he wasn’t there her world was incomplete. She knows this is unhealthy behavior, but this is who she is.

One day he started acting strange, he seemed uncomfortable. Something she’s never experienced from him since they’ve been together for years now. After questioning herself, she started asking him if he was okay. She needed some type of assurance that their relationship was good. He said yes, but with hesitation. Because of this she pushed harder for what she felt would be a solid answer. Eventually she stopped asking, but now there’s a rift between them. He decided to do Christmas with his family without her. It was a tradition they started by spending time with his family, due to hers being dysfunctional. The winter holidays will forever be different. She was not ok.

He came home early from work, going into the bathroom and not coming out for about an hour. He started getting dressed in casual but party worthy wear. Should she ask what’s going on? She decided not to, they’re already in a dry place in the relationship. She’s waiting to see if he’s going to tell her to get dressed for an evening out. Instead he finished dressing and walked out the door without uttering a word to her. She cried for a while before deciding to get dressed herself to hit the party she was invited to. It was awkward going alone because they went to parties as a couple since they’ve been together.

She stood in the corner sipping on a now stale glass of wine. Finally tired of standing around she decided to leave. While waiting for her share ride she heard music coming from the building two doors down. She became curious, that party was lit. She slid inside the party without being noticed. Making her way around the room through the crowd she suddenly noticed a face she knew. Approaching him while saying his name he looked at her with a stunned look. He asked her what she is doing there, then accused her of following him. During the back and forth they were having a woman stepped between them. It was then she stopped talking when she heard what the woman was saying. This unknown woman was yelling at her to get out of HER boyfriend’s face and to stop stalking him!

The room started spinning. She became disconnected from her soul. What was happening right now!! This woman is telling her that the love of her life is HER man and she’s being accused of stalking him. Looking at him for an explanation, of course, he gave none, the only thing he managed to say to her was for her to go home. The woman wanted to call the police to make a report so he can file a restraining order. She was numb. She said to the woman, “he can’t file a restraining order against someone that he’s living with.” He could if he wanted to with knowing her stalking him wasn’t true. She walked off leaving those two in argument. She had to call for another ride share. She stood there waiting in her previous spot at the party she was invited to, hoping not to see them again. Her ride was there she was on her way home where she could let her hurt out.

He walked in the door early morning on Dec 31^st after being gone all weekend. She was on the sofa sleeping, finally, the place she landed after coming home that dreadful night. He walked by her as if she wasn’t in the room, let alone the same apartment. She leaped up following him into their bedroom, or her bedroom, according to what was about to happen. He pulled a suitcase from the closet and started throwing his items in. Feeling like she was in a vivid nightmare she asked him the question every woman in her situation dreads asking, why are you doing this to me? Then asked the second dreaded question, what did I do? He kept packing without looking her direction answering, “because”. What is because?! “What kind of answer is that?!” He was packing and not giving her the answer she knew she deserved. After blocking him from putting anything else in his luggage he yelled in her face “THIS!!” “You suffocate me.” She couldn’t believe what he was saying. Suffocating him by loving him? Ok, maybe she was a little overbearing, she loves him deeply. He then told her how his new love gives him room to breathe and to take the lead in the romance.

As he tried to leave she grabbed the keys to the car, “you can’t leave in the car, its mine.”

“I don’t need the car I have a way out.” She ran to the window as he was heading out the door. Looking out she saw his new love standing outside of an SUV waiting for him. She watched as he greeted the woman with a hug and kiss. Before getting into the drivers side he looked up at the window she was standing in giving her a regretful look while mouthing to her I’m sorry before jumping in and driving off to start a new him, a new life. She was broken. What is she to do? The ache in her heart increased as the emptiness of him not being there became more obvious by the second, minute, hour, day and now months.

Its December, the most dreaded time of the year for many, including her. With New Year’s Eve approaching quickly her anxiety was peaking. She’s being invited to parties and dinners, accepting the invites knowing that she won’t go. December 31^st is finally upon her, she’s laying on the sofa as the morning arrives. The sunlight peeking into her window. She slowly moves from her sofa to the window reliving that day. Tears are flowing. Will she ever be able to celebrate again? One day, until then this day will always be heartbreak eve.