Awake

“I can’t sleep,” I said.

“That must be really difficult for you. How does that make you feel?” the doctor replied. 

“No doctor. I can’t sleep. Like ever.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“You don’t. I don’t even understand it. It affects me but not the way you’re thinking. I know in this day and age this is like everyone’s ultimate wish but let me assure you it isn’t how you think it is.”

I paused. Not needing to sleep has afforded me a lot of free time. I’m used to taking things at an extremely slow pace to fill out the hours. You would think my achievements are endless but you can only be so productive. I tried my best to use my “gift” as best I can but I’m only human…minus the whole no sleep thing. The doctor gave me an anxious look and I continued my plight.

 “I don’t ever feel tired. My energy levels remain constant as long as I remember to eat something. When I first started not sleeping I would eat out of boredom. As you can imagine this took quite a toll on my body. 

“Then I started spending all my time exercising in an attempt to tire myself out but that didn’t work either. My energy levels just increased. After reaching peak physical condition I decided to turn my efforts to learning. I would read anything I could get my hands on from classic novels to shampoo bottles. 

 “I thought maybe I should go on Jeopardy, win a bunch of cash, become a minor celebrity but even with all the time in the world I couldn't learn everything. Eventually it came to an end. Let me stress to you that everything else is normal about me. I do not possess any special talents. 

“When that didn’t work out I abandoned the search for knowledge and turned inward. I traveled to a monastery in Tibet where I hoped to calm my troubled mind. It worked for a little bit but like most things I took it too far. Farther than it was meant to go. With enough training I was meditating for almost an entire week. I began to scare the other monks. I then left the monastery and considered a different form of meditation through the arts.

“I picked up the guitar and just about every other musical instrument known to humanity. I got good. Real good. Yet I couldn’t get a record deal to save my life. Despite all the time and effort I could never figure out the magic formula for a hit single. It was hard to be original despite all the time I put into it. Eventually the songs became sadder and just plain weird with all the experimentation I was doing. It became too much to bear and like everything else before I forsook it entirely. 

“I had come to realize my efforts only involved myself. I was using my lack of sleep to better myself when I should be using it to help others. I started off small by creating a neighborhood watch group. It seemed like a logical idea. I could cover the late hours of the day with no issue. I was still strong from my days of nonstop working out too. If anything I could scare away criminals with my terribly sad music.

“It started off well. I felt I was beginning to make real change in the neighborhood. Criminals were genuinely scared but so were everyday people. Reports began showing up in the papers about a vampire strolling the streets at night administering their own form of justice. It didn’t take too long before the manhunt began. I was now the one hiding, daylight my only sanctuary.

“I had reached a new low. All the time in the world and now the stress of being hunted was pushing me to my limits. It was then that people began seeking me out. It turns out my “gift” had caught their attention. It inspired them. To them I was some kind of god. It seems arrogant now but at the time I didn’t have many other options. So I embraced it. 

“Somehow they thought if they followed me they would gain my ability to not sleep. It took some longer than others for their faith to wane but eventually the jig was up. They would look to me for answers twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I could only keep up the facade so long. Soon there was a new sensation in town that the papers couldn’t stop reporting about. Ironically it was a man who could only stay awake for a few minutes before drifting back to sleep for an extended period of time. He was almost the exact antithesis of me. The press had a field day with it. 

“The papers began constructing a feud between us never quite declaring who was the hero and who was the villain. I had never even met the guy but one day I decided to change that. I had the time so I located him and waited for his few minutes of wakefulness. 

“He was a very pleasant and forthcoming man. He was open about his condition. He didn’t have to use the few minutes he had speaking with me. He was a lot like me in that he didn’t ask for his ailment, nor did he wish to become famous from it. I realized then things could be worse for me. At least I had time to do things, even if it was too much. It felt good to talk to someone though.  It was him who referred me to you Doctor. So what do you think? Can you help me?”

“So essentially you became Batman,” the doctor said. 

“Huh? I guess I did. But where does that leave me now?” I asked.

“That’s what we're here to figure out. Time’s up for today though. Same time next week? I know you have the time.”