Why Do I Do This To Myself

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF

    “Look out!” Those would be the last words I’d hear before everything went black. As I opened my eyes it took a matter of two point four seconds to realize that this was gonna be the worst day of my life. I guess I should have figured that out at four forty five this morning when my cat decided to eat something gross and share it with me by hacking it up on my pillow. You see last night after dinner I made a crazy desperate decision. I was going to make myself be bold, no matter the cost.

    I ended up tossing and turning about it throughout the night and was so tired after finally getting back to sleep that I missed my seven o’clock alarm. My mom tried to wake me several times, but couldn't. I was out cold, until I heard the use of my full name which is Avery Marie McIntosh, and something regarding ice water and making me wear my pajamas to school, I was up.  

    I felt like a vampire as I stepped out the door and into the searing daylight. I was hoping my luck would change, but somehow from the time I went to bed to the time I got ready for another torturous day of Junior High I had forgotten that I was twelve and hated everything about my life, school, my hair and now my cat. I swear if one person asks me what’s wrong I’m gonna freak out.

    I did not have time for that, I had to be there! I overheard Mitchell Crabtree talking about try outs in third period science class and where ever he was Logan Burns wasn’t far. Logan had the biggest brown eyes I had ever seen, on a human. He was almost thirteen and amazing. Whenever he smiled it was like someone turned on a thousand watt flood light, he was that cute. Being a part of his world was impossible if you weren’t into sports. He hung out with all of the cheerleaders and anyone who was on a team. I knew the easiest way to get his attention was to try out for the only sport I might have a chance at, Volleyball.

     When I was younger my dad bought a net and ball so that we could bond as a family and play on the weekends. I didn’t get much practice because it only stayed up long enough for my dad to invite everyone over for a back yard party. He became so obsessively competitive that with his first serve he spiked the ball right at my little brother’s face and started a fist fight with our neighbor. My mom ordered it taken down and never to be spoken of again.

The thought of telling her that I wanted to try out for that very sport was going to go over like me trying to sell my brother to the highest bidder and asking for a puppy to replace him.

    I thought about not saying anything to my mom or lying to her and telling her I was trying out for a play or joining an after school club in case I actually made the team. To my surprise the guilt weighed heavy on me as I pushed through the gym doors. I was feeling pretty confident that the day was about to turn around until I saw, her, Tiffany Grace Garrison.

    There she was in all of her five foot eight red headed glory, thin, perfect perky boobs, never without a boyfriend, until Trevor Sweets dad got orders to transfer to an air force base in West Virginia. Tiffany Grace was single for a whole five minutes and looking to make Logan Burns her next victim.

    I would be no match for her, I knew that, but I had to try to save him from himself. No one was ever able to say no to Tiffany Grace, Logan had no chance. This could very well end badly, but he was worth it.

I kept an eye on Tiffany as I stood scanning the room for an ally. I saw a group of girls standing in front of a couple of boys. Then I saw my best friend sitting with some of our friends. They were there to try out as well. I was hoping maybe the team needed to fill a quota or at the very least they would see how bad I was and take pity on me. I was taking a huge chance and hoped they could see that.

    I gave myself a pep talk as I started walking across the gym. It ended with me muddling under my breath, “Why do I do this to myself!” I managed to keep my nerves in check until half way to the girls. I made the mistake of taking my eyes off of my friends and spotted Logan. My heart punched me in the gut, my legs went weak and my knees locked up. I almost went face first into the floor. I staggered a bit, caught myself and looked up to see if he’d noticed, he hadn’t. Logan was sitting with some of his football teammates laughing at his phone. Tiffany, however didn’t miss a thing. She was pointing me out and snickering.

    It felt as if each leg weighed fifty pounds as I began to walk again. My best Friend saw me and waved me over. She obviously hadn’t seen my grand entrance and was happy to see me. She scooted so I could sit. Molly Carter was my best friend from kindergarten. She was my age, just as tall and a little thinner. She was funny and smart and had already had three boyfriends by her eleventh birthday. She was definitely the coolest most mature friend I had ever had.

    As we sat watching the boys the coach came into the gym. She carried a huge orange bag of volleyballs on her shoulder, a whistle around her neck and a black sweat jacket that read, ‘If it doesn’t hurt, you’re doing it wrong.’ She looked over at us and nodded her head as if to tell us it was time.

    I swallowed hard and stood. She barked out, “Alright ladies pick your poison.” And threw the bag on the glossy floor. As soon as it made contact it burst open and sent balls flying all over the gym. A few of the girls ran to collect them, but I just grabbed the one that was whizzing toward me. “Nice snag.” He said. The voice came from behind me and sounded a lot like Logan’s.

    I was so afraid to turn around for fear I was in the middle of, a naked at school nightmare. It had to be that, he was talking to me. “Are you trying out?” I took a deep breath and turned. “Yeah.” Is all that I could say before I looked down to double check that I was actually fully clothed.  “Good luck, Avery.” He offered as he walked away.

    I almost peed my pants. I was so shocked that he had spoken to me, and he knew my name. I couldn’t help watching him as he went to the other side of the gym. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him until I narrowly missed being smashed in the head by a rouge serve.

    I was feeling really good about myself until I looked up and saw Tiffany Grace coming toward me. “Wow, I almost got you with that one. I hope you can play better than that.” She jabbed. I could feel my face turning red hot. “I don’t know why are you trying out for a team you’ll never be a part of?” Tiffany gloated. “Shut up, Tiffany Grace.”  As she and I both turned Logan Burns stood there, looking at me, sticking up for me. He ripped the ball from her hands and gently handed it to me.

    Tiffany shot me a dirty look and huffed away. “Why did you do that for me?” I asked. “Because I’m tired of watching her bully everyone. She needed that. Besides she’s not as good at volleyball as she thinks she is. I can tell you’re a natural.” He offered. That made me smile which didn’t go unnoticed by Tiffany Grace.

I knew this tryout was gonna be hard, but now the most popular girl in school was gunning for me and armed with a spherical object that could very well take my head off. The coach blew her whistle and ordered us to take our positions. As I awaited my fate I couldn’t help saying a little prayer, “Please let me be good at something.”

    Logan was only feet away as the tryouts began. What am I doing here, I thought to myself. I have no idea how to play this game and now I am going to make a complete fool of myself in front of the whole school. Most importantly in front of the cutest boy I know. I really wanted him to like me and now he would think I was just as lame as I thought I was.

    Tiffany Grace took her place behind the service line and tossed the ball into the air. She hit that ball with the force of a jackhammer. “Look out!” That thing came at me like a bullet. I knew for a fact that there was no way I could dodge it, and I didn’t.

Once I was conscious again I opened my eyes to a blurry mass of faces starring down at me. As I focused I realized one was Logan. He was holding my hand and looking concerned with those dreamy eyes and with those amazing lips. He finally said, “Best block, ever!”

    Once I was back on my feet he helped me to the bench. I was able to get back out there and finish the game. Afterward Logan came over to us and asked if I would like to bring my friends to meet him and to go to the movies. I couldn’t stop smiling so my friend Molly accepted the invitation for us. I still couldn’t believe what had happened as we all walked out of the gym.

    When I got into my mom’s car I had forgotten about the smash to the face and what I must have looked like. As I tuned out her horror, all I could think of was my morning and how awful the day had started. How I was so terrified to tryout and even though I did something crazy for a boy, I, made the team, who knew?

    I thought it was going to be the worst day of my life and it ended up being pretty awesome. It goes to show you just when it seems that your universe is imploding and everything seems wrong if you at least try, just maybe the Logan’s of the world might like girls who aren’t so good at sports.