Black Indigo

"Francesca, Mi Amore, get dressed! We're going to miss Mass for the second week in a row!"

I heard Mama scream from outside my bedroom door in a thick Italian accent. I lazily opened one eye and tried to process what she just said. I decided to ignore her, drifting back to sleep. Just as I closed my eyes again, I was jauntered awake by her fist, banging loudly on my bedroom door. 

"Francesca Anna Maria Ricci, get you ass out of bed right now!" Mama then realized that she said a curse word on the Lord's day and recanted scowling, "See what you made me do! Get up lazy. We're leaving in ten minutes with or without you!"

"I'm up, Mama!" I yelled back, "Calm down. We won't be late for Mass again."

"That's what you said last week, and how did that go?" Mama remarked. I heard the sound of her heels clicking on the wood as she trudged down the stairs.

Ten minutes later, I came out of my room, fully dressed in my Sunday best. I walked into the kitchen to see Mama popping frozen waffles in the toaster. She looked pretty today, with her short brown hair styled in a low ponytail and makeup lightly applied to her tan face. "I didn't have time to make breakfast this morning, so tell your brother we are eating waffles in the car. Where's your father?" She asked. "I don't know," I replied plainly.

She looked at me, exasperated, and called up the stairs to the guys. "Barry, Gio! Come downstairs now. Francesca and I are heading to the car with breakfast!" She turned to me and said, "Come on, hon, put your shoes on, and grab those waffles off the counter." After instructing me, she turned back to the stairs. "Five minutes, boys!"

As I walked out the door with a tray of toaster waffles in my hand, I heard Dad say, "I'm here, love, and Gio's right behind me. Let's go."

When everyone was in the car and their seat belts buckled with waffles in hand, we headed down the street. "This is exciting, don't you think? It's nice that we are doing something as a family ." Mama said to Dad. I saw my 20-year-old brother, Gio, roll his eyes in the back seat. 

"Yeah, I agree. Gio works so much anymore; we hardly see him, and Francesca won't be in the house much longer too." Papa replied as we made cordial eye contact through the mirror.

Mom turned around and squeezed my knee, her long fake nails poking into my skin. "I know, it's not every day that your daughter gets married!" She exclaimed with a big smile on her face. 

"Technically, it's not for another week, Mama." I corrected her.

"I know, Mi Amore, but it feels like everything is happening so fast around here. I mean, just next week you are going to be walking down the aisle. I remember when your father and I got married like it was yesterday." She looked wistfully at Papa. 

The idea that I'm getting married in a week makes me anxious. I've always been told this is the next step. While my other friends are toting around babies and chasing toddlers, I'm still living with my parents. I just turned thirty, so I guess it's time to finally settle down with a tolerable guy and start a family. That's what the Italians at my church have been doing for centuries, and they seem remotely happy.

As we pull into the parking lot of the cathedral, I see my fiance Jessie waiting for me by the entrance. As he saw our van pull in, a toothy grin spread across his lips. Jessie looked handsome today, with his button-down dress shirt and khaki pants. 

Seeing Jessie from my car, I thought of all the reasons he would make an impeccable husband and father. He's so kind. One cold winter night, as he walked me home from a date, he gave the shirt off his back to some homeless guy just because he asked! Even if he wasn't trying to impress me, I feel like he still would have done it! 

He's also patient, caring, quiet. All the things I'm not nor will ever be. 

I fear that by marrying someone so perfect and selfless, I would have to try to be someone I'm not. I wasn't cut out to be the missionary's wife, or the stay at home mom type.

I know I have to push those feelings aside because I want to make my family and Jessie happy. They have always taken care of me and loved me. By getting married to Jessie, buying a small house in the suburbs of California, and popping out a few kids, I can finally repay them for all they've done for me.

I also feel like I owe it to Jessie to marry him. I've known him since we were in diapers, so it's like we were destined to say "I do" at the altar when we got older.

I can still remember the day his family moved into our neighborhood. From the first time my mom told me to play with the boy down the road, he has always been protective over me. The depressing thing is that that protectiveness feels less like a boyfriend, and more like a nice older brother.

I know that I let this go too far. 

God, I should have just nipped it in the bud when he asked me to Junior prom. But as always, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So I sucked it up and went. 

Then my predicament spiraled more out of control when he asked me to be his girlfriend… and I said yes. I thought I would fall in love eventually. Anything can happen with time, right?

I'm starting to get worried, though, because it's a week before my wedding and I'm still not in love. The thought gives me a lump in my throat. Tears begin to swell in my eyes, but I push them down.

"Hey baby, you look beautiful today." Jessie complements as he brings me into a side hug. 

"Thanks, Jessie," I replied as I squeezed him back.

"Mass is just about to start. My mom saved your family a spot in our pew." It hurts me to look in his eyes because he’s so in love with me.

"Are you okay?" His face looked concerned. "You look like you're about to pass out or something." 

"No, I'm fine. Just tired." I reassured him.

"Alright, well, let's get in there. Don't want to miss anything." Jessie tried to encourage me with a half-smile on his lips.

"How about you save me a seat? I'm going to get some air." I murmured.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I'll only be a second." I smiled to let him know that I would be alright if he left me alone.

As everyone ascended quickly into the cathedral, I found myself standing outside alone. 

I breathed in and out steadily, trying to calm myself before I walked back in.

"You're fine.." *inhale* "Calm down." *Exhale*

I finally started to regain control, and I felt satisfied with the small victory. That is until I utterly lost it.

Hoping that no one saw me crying, I walked into the woods that surrounded the building, trying to muffle my sobs. 

"I can't marry Jessie. It's not fair to him." A few more raspy cries escaped my mouth. "I have to marry Jessie. My family will hate me if I don't." They were probably wondering where I am by now, but I couldn't go back in this condition. 

A couple of minutes passed, and I stopped crying. As I sat there, in the heart of the wood, I felt at peace—no one to judge me here except the wind flowing through the trees. 

I wished I could stay here forever in my personal harmony. My only company being the humble flowers and green grass. 

I felt like I sat there for hours, but it was only a couple of minutes. I thought I was having a hallucination at first. Why would she be so far from home?

A couple of paces away from where I sat, a black cat glowered at me with piercing indigo eyes. I was taken back at first, never seeing anything so beautiful or mysterious before. Almost as if it spoke, the cat gave me a look. "follow me." 

Whatever may happen, I knew I had to follow her. I had the strange feeling that I was meant to follow that raven-haired cat.

The cat sauntered gracefully through the woods, barely making a sound. I, on the other hand, sounded like a little kid breaking sticks over his knee as I walked. 

We must have walked for twenty minutes. I began to think following the cat was a bad idea. What if I get lost, unable to make my way back? I pushed the thought aside and continued walking.

The cat would look back every few minutes, making sure I was still behind her. I gave her a reassuring nod. 

"How much farther- oh." I gasped, astounded by what was in front of me. Holding the black cat in his arms, was an older man in his late seventies. He was wearing an oversized flannel shirt and jeans. The older man had long, grey hair and big thick-rimmed glasses resting on his nose.

"Hi there, you must have found my cat, Loretta." 

My heart started to pound. What if that cat wasn't guiding me at all? I need to start facing reality, that the cat wasn't leading me anywhere. It was simply just coming back to its master.

"Hi. Loretta kind of found me." I corrected him.

"That seems to be one of Loretta's talents, I think. Finding people when they're at their worst." The older man had an understanding glimmer in his weathered eyes.

"How did you- I'm fine. I was just at Mass. I stepped out for a second to get some air." 

"Are you sure you're okay, hon? It doesn't look like it. I had a wife and raised four daughters. I can tell when women are upset." I didn't know whether to be creeped out or relieved by that response, but I needed someone to talk to. I guess the older man in the middle of the woods was my best option at the moment.

"There's this guy named Jessie. He's so kind and sweet and perfect while I'm well… me." I looked down at myself to add emphasis. "We're getting married in seven days, and I don't love him. I mean, I've tried everything. I've cried, prayed, and even considered using a love potion from a witchdoctor I met in the city. Nothing has worked. I feel like I'm marrying my older brother ...if that makes sense." I looked down ashamed. I've never told anyone this before.

"Why did you agree to marry him in the first place, hon?" the old man looked at me.

"Ever since I was little, it was an unspoken rule that we had to be together. Everything would be perfect if we ended up together. Our families are best friends, siblings get along. If I said no, my parents would hate me. Jessie is the son they always wanted. He's already considered part of the family." 

 "That's quite the predicate. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be, dear? He asked, honestly.

"I wish I didn't have to marry Jessie. I wish that someone would just whisk me away from all my problems with my family, and everything would be fixed. I don't want to feel like there's something wrong with me all the time." At this point, I was crying, big alligator tears protruding from my eyes. 

"I'm so sorry, dear. What if I could fix all this for you?" 

I started to get uncomfortable, wondering how he would fix all my issues. "How?" I sneered.

"You see, I'm not just a weird old man. I'm actually.." 

Suddenly, as if I was in a storybook, the older man started to shimmer in the sunlight. And as he glowed, light beams began to burst from his frail skin. I gasped, not knowing what to do.

"Don't worry, I'm alright." He said. When the older man stopped glowing, he wasn't old anymore. He was young, and one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen to this day.

"How did you-?" I couldn't form coherent sentences. I was starstruck.

"Sorry about greeting you as an old man. Got to make sure people are trustworthy, you know? A lot can be said about a person by the way they treat the elderly." He dusted the glitter off his shoulders. "One thing I hate about shapeshifting is the mess. So much glitter, ugh."

"How are you real? One minute you were an old guy, and now you look like a model. I don't understand how that's possible."

"We don't have much time, Francesca. I'm here to grant your wish. I can see the future, and if you marry Jessie, both your lives will be unhappy. That's why I have to fix this." He looked at his watch and continued talking. "You see this cat here? Her name isn't Loretta. Honestly, I just found her a couple minutes ago and charmed her to go get you. I've finally found your true love. And he's way less perfect than Jessie."

 "Thank God." I murmured to myself though still skeptical.

"If you want to meet your true love, take this cat with you and go to Mel's Diner on fifth street. There you'll find a tinder date I've set up waiting for you."

I must have gone insane walking in these woods. Or maybe I'm dreaming. God, I hope I'm dreaming. 

"I've finally gone crazy. I'm talking to a lunatic in the middle of the woods." I said to myself.

"Just do it, hon. What do you have to lose? You have to believe me. He's the love of your life."

"And I'm meeting him on a tinder date set up by some guy who charms cats to take young women into the woods?" I said skeptically.

After much consideration, I decided to believe the Abercrombie model from the woods (against my better judgment). If I got murdered by some tinder freak, at least I wouldn't have to be trapped in a loveless marriage with Jessie. 

Poor Jessie. He genuinely deserves better than me.

With Loretta the black cat at my side, I strutted confidently into Mel's Diner. I felt bad for cheating on Jessie a week before our wedding, but what if my soulmate is here?

Scanning the diner, I didn't see anyone that caught my eye. I sighed and debated on walking out when I heard someone behind me say, "Hey, Francesca! It's me, Paul." In front of me was an average looking guy about my age. He had on a Hawaiian shirt with two black cats printed on the collar. "This must be a sign." I thought to myself.

"Hey, Paul. Want to sit down?" I asked.

Forty-five minutes later, my date with Paul ended. I was crushed. Sure, Paul was friendly, but he was so painfully ordinary. The only thing remotely interesting about him was his love for cats. 

"I guess true love doesn' exist after all," I exclaimed with tears brimming my eyes.

I walked back to my house, hoping my parents wouldn't be too mad that I disappeared on them. When I walked to Mel's Diner, I shot them a quick text saying I was taking a walk to think things over. 

Since my car was at home, I trudged back to my house with my heels in hand, feeling utterly disappointed. 

Though I didn't find my true love, I realized something. Maybe I don't need to settle down and have a family to be happy. The realization came to me like a punch in the face, swift and painful. Why do I care so much about what other people think if I'm absolutely miserable?

When I finally got to my house, I flung open the front door to see my family and Jessie talking in the kitchen. "Now is as good a time as ever. My happiness is on the line." I whispered to encourage myself.

"Francesca, where have you been? We were worried when you never came into Mass." Mama asked.

"I'm sorry, I just needed some time to myself. Jessie, can I talk to you?" I looked down at my shoes, avoiding his eyes.

We walked to my bedroom and sat on my bed. "What is it?" He asked.

"I'm so sorry. But I can't marry you." I choked out.

"What? You just have cold feet. I-"

I cut him off and said, "I never loved you. It hurts me to say this, but I've been lying to you the whole time.”

Jessie looked like I just stabbed him in the heart. Tears sprang from my eyes.

"You have to leave. The wedding is off. I decided I'm packing up and leaving town for a while. Please don't hate me. I couldn't stand that."

"How could I not hate you, Francesca? You just ripped my heart into a million pieces! I've loved you since the day I met you!" He began to cry. Not wanting me to see him, Jessie ran down the stairs and out the door.

"I have to get out of here." I packed up my belongings and left. Savings in a hand, and a black cat with Indigo eyes to keep me company, I left home for the last time. Little did I know I'd never return to this house again. I guess the man I met in the woods did grant my wish. It just wasn’t how he expected.