Urine Big Trouble

"I thought it was ok!"

"One hundred percent truly not ok. You need to leave."

"I thought it was ok!" He repeated earnestly.

His plea fell on deaf ears. The situation was made all the worse, not to mention: more awkward, by the fact that the two of them were mere acquaintances.

"What's happening?" Viola entered the scene, oblivious to what was happening. She had also just come out of the salty surf, yet she was unafflicted.

Harry frantically tried to explain the situation to his friend. "She got a jellyfish sting! You're supposed to pee on it!"

"You're supposed to ask first! Can someone get some ocean water to dump on all of this piss on my leg?"

Viola shot Harry a dirty look. "Grab that bucket and get the water."

Harry began to stammer incoherently. "Buh... ah..."

Viola lost her patience. "GET THE WATER HARRY."

Harry grabbed the bucket and hurried down to the water's edge.

"I'm sorry about that... He was probably trying to help, but I don't think he quite grasps certain concepts. Like common sense." Viola apologized to her friend.

Amber scoffed. "You don't just do that. You don't just pee on someone. That's disgusting."

Viola nodded her agreement. "He broke an unwritten social rule, and now he must face the consequences as a result."

Harry was now on his way back, being harried by seagulls along the way. "Why he is your friend again?" Amber asked watching his labored return.

"Well, he's a friend from work. We both started at the same time, so we kind of bonded that way." Viola explained.

"He's gross. He needs to go."

Harry arrived back with the bucket of seawater and dumped it on Amber's leg.

"Ow! That hurts!" Amber exclaimed.

"More than the urine?" Harry asked.

"Too soon, Harry..." Viola shook her head disapprovingly.

Harry winced. "I'm sorry. I tend to try and deescalate situations with humor. It's one of my fatal flaws."

"Another is peeing on people without consent." Amber interjected.

"I.. was just trying to help..." Harry said limply.

Viola examined Amber's leg. "You know, there aren't any studies that support the claim that you should use pee to treat a jellyfish sting." Harry looked at her, mouth agape. "It's pretty much a myth, and might actually make it worse. Completely unsubstantiated."

Harry returned his mouth to its naturally closed position. "People should know about this... Why..."

"... did you pee on my leg in the first place? Idiot." Amber interrupted again.

"I said I was sorry. And I am. I didn't realize you shouldn't pee on people's legs without consent." Harry pleaded.

"Seriously?" Viola asked, hoping she would not get an answer.

"You need to go. I literally never want to see you again. I've never been peed on like that in my life." Amber said with vehement disgust.

"Ah, so you have been peed on before." Harry attempted to lighten the conversation again.

Viola was resigned. She shook her head. "Not the time... yet again..." She trailed off.

"Look, I can make it up to you. My brother works for..."

"JUST LEAVE, HARRY!"

"Don't you want to hear where my brother works?" Harry asked, hoping for a second chance.

Amber glared at him. "No. I want you to leave."

"You should probably do as she says, Harry. I'll see you at work on Monday."

Harry was downcast. "But... What am I supposed to do?"

"I do not care. Literally, figuratively, spiritually... whatever. Do. Not. Care." Amber turned her back on Harry.

"Sorry, dude." Viola began digging through her bag and found a hydrocortisone cream. "This might help." She began slathering it on Amber's jellyfish sting. "I brought it for horsefly bites, but it might work on this too."

Amber sighed with relief. "That feels good. I don't know if it's just because it's cool, but it seems like it's helping."

"Good, I'm glad." Harry said from behind Amber.

"You're still here?" Amber chided him.

"I... Don't really have anywhere to go. My roommate is out of town and..."

Amber interrupted him yet again. "I don't care. You can go now. Like I've said a jazillion times."

Harry tried to explain himself again, but the words wouldn't come out. His throat was dry on account of his nerves. Raspy, garbled consonants tried to climb up from his vocal chords and out of his mouth, but weren't loud enough for anyone to hear. Not that anyone would have cared, anyways.

"Bye, Harry." Viola said tersely. Harry hung his head and walked away, kicking at the sand along the way.

Harry began the long walk back to his apartment. Viola had given him a ride to the beach, but he felt like it was not the time to ask for another one back from whence he came. He muttered angrily to himself. Everything came out as imperceptible growling to passersby. The passersby gave him as wide of a berth as the sidewalk would allow. Some even passed to the other side of the street.

"Stupid. Stupid!" Harry said suddenly and loudly.

"You talking to me?" A heavily tattooed man with a braided goatee that went down to his chest stepped out of the shadows. He was wearing a leather vest, reflective sunglasses, and a red bandana around his forehead.

"N-n-n-n-no. I..." Harry stammered.

"There's no one else here. The way I see it, you had to have been talking to me." The man took another step towards Harry and cracked his knuckles threateningly.

Harry took a step back towards the street and put his hands in front of him. "Look, this is a huge misunderstanding... I... You see... I peed on this person..."

The man cocked his head curiously. "You did what?" He took another step towards Harry. "Was it consensual?"

"Well... No... I..."

"Sounds like you're due for what's coming to you then." The man said, roughly jamming a hand into his vest pocket.

Harry turned to run, but stumbled stepping off the high curb and into the street. He let out a sharp cry of pain as he fell to his hands and knees, skinning them on the rough asphalt. He turned to look at the man bearing down on him, but did not notice the express bus, whose lane he had fallen into. The horn of the bus blared, but there was not enough time for Harry to react. The bus tried to swerve out of the way, but it was too late. The tattooed man looked around and walked away from the scene briskly, seemingly unnoticed.

The bus driver hurried out of the vehicle and dropped to his knees next to Harry. "What are you doing, man!" He looked around frantically. "Someone call the ambulance!"

Harry coughed up some blood. "Hold me." He said to the bus driver.

"Uh... Ok." The bus driver cradled Harry's head in his arms. "Why did you jump out into the street?" The bus driver shook his head.

"It's ok. I peed on someone. I'm getting what I deserve." Harry coughed again.

"Well, I don't think that means you deserve to die."

"It..." Harry coughed up some more blood. "Wasn't... Consensual."

The bus driver recoiled, letting go of Harry's head in the process. "That's vile."

Harry's head hit the asphalt again. His eyes fluttered, and then closed.