I know you.

She could feel it in the way in the way he held her… in the way his warm and clammy hands stuck to her skin, seemingly scared of her separation, afraid to be left alone. 

“Are you okay?” 

It could be felt in the way his breath hit her forehead.. The way his voice spilled from his lips so eloquently and sweet, feigning innocence, yet lulling her to peace. 

“Sure.” 

It could be felt in the air; sultry yet unwelcoming, waiting and expecting, just as she was.

You could sense it behind the noise in the room, a silence so deep and tense, filled with discarded thoughts and words which were left unsaid. Covered by noises so distracting and intrusive, almost as if they were there to divert her attention. 

She could feel it. 

When she glanced at him her eyes fell to his lips which were stuck between his teeth, lips ridged and molded of valleys, dry and unfavorable. 

When her gaze lifted it stuck to his eyes, so foreign and clouded, she wondered if he’d seen her yet. 

She felt guilty. It was her fault anyway, right? 

This time he left, but it was her fault … whenever it was that he actually left. 

Maybe he decided to leave because he felt she wasn’t there enough, leaving him with the need to find his validation from the rest of the world, from something or someone that wasn’t her. 

Or maybe it was because he decided she was there too much, driving him away, invading his mind's eye, pressing and brooding, her presence around every corner. 

She wondered if he felt it. Her pressing thoughts, her looming inquiry. 

---- 

He felt it too.

That feeling that makes it a little harder to breathe, that makes you overthink your every move, that makes you overthink your overthinking; That feeling that makes you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. 

He didn’t know what the right thing was anymore. 

If anything, it was all his fault. Or so he was told. 

He thought he once knew; but they both learned the hard way that one never truly knows what they want until they’re left with no options and a feeling of responsibility- holding their heart in their own hands, stuck between one right choice, and the other.  

That was why he was holding her the way he was, searching for what felt ‘right’, wishing with his heart that with the right amount of pressure and force, they’d decide together what was right, that perhaps their bodies apart from their minds would make the choice for them. 

He could feel her gaze each time she glanced over at him, the weight of her wonder surrounding him, leaving little room for consideration. 

He knew not if she could feel it too. 

He wondered what thoughts ran through her head; was she set on leaving? Or was she giving him time? 

“Are you okay?” 

He stared forward after the thought, knowing the meeting of their gazes could result in a choice too hasty; the meeting telling it all, either a choice that would separate them further, or bring them closer together. 

“Sure.” 

Sure? 

Sure. 

His chest felt heavy, and his ears began to burn. His head filled with a fog, and he began to wonder if she already knew. 

---

She felt he had made his choice- though she wondered if it was subject to change. 

She thought back to the night they fell and in that recollection felt her heart clench. 

She wanted to be enough, yet she knew nothing of what she was supposed to be. 

That night, so far yet abutting. She wanted to ask him- no she had to ask him. He had to make a choice, and she had to know. It was eating her alive- his indecisiveness. 

She wondered how one person could be so unsure of what they truly wanted. She wondered what ran through that head of his, how would he make his choice, when she could know

The first time it happened it was she that left. 

She knew he wasn’t all in, or at least he made her think so. 

So she left. 

Yet, when she was gone she felt such an emptiness where his body once sat. She felt a coldness where he once kept her warm, and she felt an uncertainty with her decisions. 

She wanted him, she believed. 

Or was it that she just wanted him to want her?

----

He wanted so badly to know. 

He wanted so badly to just- turn the TV off and hold her. He wanted to want her the way he knew she wanted him. 

He wanted so badly to love her, he tried so hard. He tried so desperately. 

His heart, his instincts were telling him to meet her eyes; to disregard the distraction on the television and make sure he wanted her. He wanted her to know he did, but he also wanted to find out for himself if it was the truth. 

He shifted himself closer to her and adjusted his arm around her, feeling the warmth of her body set his soul on fire. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Mhm” 

That voice of hers simply put his gut in a twist. 

He was beginning to think it was stupid, this back and forth; He akin to a sailboat on the roaring seas of his emotions, he simply wanted to know. 

They couldn’t go on pretending everything was okay-

Though he wanted otherwise he could no longer hold her so close without knowing for himself. 

He took time- he took a lot of time. So much time wasted after they fell- after he left. All that time down the drain trying to make a choice, trying to see which choice was right, but here they are; bodies glued together like a kindergartners piece of art, like two pieces of a puzzle together after so much time apart, not knowing if they truly fit. 

---

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

No. 

“Mhm” 

She was far from sure. 

His body closer than before she smelled the scent of his soap under his shirt. 

She felt the tenseness of his arms and shoulders, and the quickening of his breath. 

She felt his hands grazing her body, searching for the answers; 

He wouldn't find them under her clothes.  

She cleared her throat and glanced at him once more. 

Her hands were on his stomach, there since she found a comfortable position, since she found some comfort in him- 

She saw in his eyes that he was far from the room.

She saw in the gulp flowing down his throat, he was thirsty for their truth. 

She was beginning to think she knew.

She could feel it in the way in the way he held her… in the way his warm and clammy hands stuck to her skin, seemingly scared of her separation, afraid to be left alone. 

She already knew, but she needed to hear it from him. 

“Are you okay?” 

----

“Are you okay?” 

No.

Why would she even ask him that?  

She should know, he thought. 

He was thirsty. 

He wanted the answers, he needed them. 

Though the truth was… he already had them, yet was so unable to see. 

He was blinded by her love. He was blinded by the pressure of her body on his. 

He wanted a love. He wanted her love, yes, but more so he wanted to love. 

He felt it- that feeling of responsibility. He held her heart in one of his hands and his in the other, and he knew the choice he made. He knew what he had chosen, though he was too scared to admit it. 

That was why he reached for her body. 

He knew it too. 

---

They can feel it now… the both of them. 

They both know. 

She knew she was already his. 

And he knew, he knew he wanted her love. 

In this embracement of one another it seemed obvious to the both of them. 

They could feel it, in the way his hands adorned her body, and in the way her head lay against his shoulder. 

In the way she looked at him, and in the way he spoke to her, 

They knew. 

----

He sucked in a deeper breath and tightened further the grip he had on her, scared of letting go, worried of setting her free; 

Fingers weak as spaghetti, heart racing like a horse, stomach churning. 

He wanted to show her. He needed to tell her. 

But how?  He wondered 

He remembered the night he left. 

The night he realized he didn’t know what he wanted. 

He made his choice. He made the right choice, right? 

How could he make the right choice without truly knowing. 

He felt her looking. He felt her hands on him, he felt her weight pressing into him, a blanket of hope. 

He yearned to pull away and finally, finally face her. 

He felt her anticipation- he felt her wanting. 

--- 

She knew he was thinking. 

She felt his grip. She felt his fear. She felt him. 

Yet as the time passed it felt her own fear was kicking in. 

She stared up at him from time to time, simply waiting, just waiting for those lips to part… greeting her with the words she so direly wanted to hear from him- just from him. 

She wondered if it had to be her to say something first. 

But it was his choice. 

----

The choice; he thought of so hard, so intensely, so much so he nearly escaped her presence, forgetting for just a moment that she was below, waiting for his response. 

What can I say?   His head felt like it was bound to explode. 

His hands roamed her body yet his eyes were stuck forward; his chapped lips between his teeth, wanting her so badly. 

That feeling in the room was beginning to suffocate him. 

He thought of the night he left. 

The night he realized he had no clue what he wanted.

With her shift he was drawn back, knowing he wished for her to tell him she was there, to let him know all was forgiven and they could move on. 

The feeling of her skin under his hands, the feeling of her hair tickling his neck each time she glanced up at him. The gentleness of her hands on him- 

He wanted to give it all back to her;

He wanted her to know her love was accepted,  

That he could be there to love her. 

That his choice was made. 

---

And so, she finally felt his weight shift. 

She felt his eyes on her, and his breath on her forehead. 

He felt the silence behind the noise of the room suddenly caress the two of them, and they knew his choice was made. 

Dare she look up, dare she meet his gaze and know of his choice… 

She felt in his gaze that he was reaching out to her, yet at the same time he felt her boldness flee, unable to meet his gaze without a pit of worry in her stomach. 

What if she was wrong? 

With the craning of her neck, so slowly, so hesitant, he continued to wait. To stare into the space that her eyes would soon occupy. 

They knew they felt it from each other the second they connected, but yet now they found themselves so unsure, so eager to figure it out, so wary of one another, and so hasty to know if they had the right answer- 

It was like they felt it for each other again for the first time- 

With time seemingly so slow and the room so dense and so so heavy, it was like life itself was pausing for a moment to witness as they finally saw each other… 

For the first time in a long time, they met.