Super Zero

I came to in a moist, abandoned warehouse. I was tied to a pole in the middle of a concrete floor with nothing around me but the echoing of my own pounding head. Of course this happened to me. It’s so typical. So freaking cliche’. My head was pounding as I rolled my head to one side and I could feel the tightness of dry blood on my temple.

“Darn you, Professor Vociferous.” I shouted into dark corners.

Professor Vociferous is my Boyfriend’s nemesis. Well, actually my Ex- boyfriend’s nemesis. But I guess, the self-righteous prick didn’t get the memo.

“Look, Professor, You aren’t going to lure Halcyon Hunk here with me. In case you haven’t heard, we broke up.” I whispered the last word. It still stung. Almost as much as this head wound. “I’m serious.” I shout again. “He won’t be coming for me this time. He doesn’t even track my location anymore. I stopped sharing it with him. He won’t even know I’m in trouble.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I heard a deep voice rumble from a shadow on my side.

“Sorry to disappoint. It’s actually pretty recent. We had an argument last night and I- well, I left. I went to my sister’s house downtown.” I was getting a little chatty at this point. I was a notoriously nervous talker. That was actually a big problem for Hank. Or well, The Hunk as most people knew him. If I did get captured by one of his nemesis, I would probably just blab about anything and everything. The man couldn’t tell me anything, in fear I’d accidentally let it slip.

The dark figure whirled around, rotating his whole body one hundred and eighty degrees in one fluid motion.

“Look, I know you’re disappointed. I get that. But there’s nothing I can do for you now. I have it on good authority-“ (my own two eyes) “-that The Hunk has moved on to someone else. So, you really can just let me go.” I pleaded.

The silence overwhelmed my already fragile psyche and I just couldn’t stop myself. “H-he cheated on me. With that hot blonde reporter that always covers his big miraculous recoveries. You know, Tammy- Oh, what’s her name?” I asked my swollen brain.

“Tiffany Shields?” The shadow supplied. I admit, I was a little perturbed he could recall it so quickly. I guess she was on every guys’ radar.

“Right, yeah the one with the big hair and small boobs.” I said and shook my head emphatically. “My sister tried to tell me there was something going on with them but I didn’t listen. I mean, who thinks a super hero is going to cheat on them? I didn’t.” I said it in one long breath, relieved that I was actually possibly getting somewhere with a shadow I couldn’t make eye contact with. “So you believe me don’t you?” I asked.

The cold air brushed against my exposed damp legs and I started to shiver. This was going to be a long night. Especially if “Professor Plum” over here wasn’t even going to talk to me. I had to convince him that I wasn’t worth keeping. I was too much trouble.

“Can you just let me go? It’s starting to get cold in here and I’m all wet. Wait. Is this-“ I gaped at my skirt and my damp tights.

“-No. I-I accidentally dropped you.” The shadow said. “I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t started to wake up. But there was a puddle on the ground and you shifted your weight.”

“Oh thank god, I didn’t pee myself.” I said and tilted my head back to rest it on the pole behind me. If I didn’t now any better, I could have sworn I heard a chuckle come from the shadows.

“Look, I know that you don’t believe me.” I said while pools of tears filled my eyes. “Most people didn’t even believe that I was dating him in the first place. I’m just a sixth grade teacher for fuck’s sake. I’m not a tv- worthy beautiful reporter. How could I be so stupid?” I said and pushed the back of my head against the pole. Not my smartest move. I was already concussed. Can someone be concussed twice?

Hank was inconceivably handsome. He was basically a real life Hercules. He even had super strength. And look ladies, I’m a bigger girl, not having to worry if your man can pick you up? Isn’t that the dream? Sure I’ve had boy friends that insisted it wasn’t a problem. But when you’re pushing six feet tall, have size double D bra and have a healthy appetite, you don’t let them get near you with their empty reassurances. But when I tell you that I didn’t have to worry. Game changer. My self- confidence went through the roof. Hank gave me so much and then just ripped away. For Reporter Barbie.

“You’re not stupid.” The Shadow’s voice barely reached me.

“They always go for the reporter. It’s like a staple super hero trope. But when he saved me a year ago from that mutant gorilla on the bridge, I couldn’t help it. I fell for the guy. And all his alpha-male frat-guy bullshit. Why didn’t I see it? He never wanted to settle down with me.” I said to myself. I was trying to finally process a year’s worth of love, frustration and pining while I was tied up and kidnapped.

“Oh that was you on the school bus? Sorry about that. Mikey wasn’t supposed to take anyone hostage. It was just supposed to lure your douche-bag-Ex out so I could expose him.” The shadow said.

Expose? Interesting way to describe a trap.

“Mikey?” I asked and looked over to the corner of the shadow. I could see a small outline of his torso now.

The question fell on a flat silent response.

I had met Professor Vociferous a total of three times before this. Once when i had from met The Hunk. Yes, his full super hero name is Halcyon Hunk. But no one even knows what Halcyon means so most people call him Hunk. I’m pretty sure that blonde reporter gave him that name and it had an alliteration, so people bought it.

The second time was at a Christmas tree lighting at town square. It was a big dramatic spectacle where the mayor was trying to give Hank a Medal of Honor. Voc over here, was not having it. He bellowed something about not being truly worthy and that corruption was everywhere. We were just too dense to see what was right in front of our faces. Considering my recent history I was inclined to believe him. I was dense. I was complacent. I was star struck.

The third time we met, Hank and I were walking down the street on Valentine’s Day. I was just about to give him my gift when Professor Killjoy comes out of an ally way and tries to yell at Hank again. I wasn’t exactly paying attention, something about cover ups and coercion. Ironic. Now I was sitting on a damp concrete floor waiting to be tortured by a super villain. But I guess, no one said super villains were consistent.

“Didn’t you say something about a cover up the last time I saw you?” I said. I could see more of him now. The outline of his torso and legs were almost in full view.

“Yeah. Actually that’s why I need your help. I was hoping to get Hank to finally do the right thing.” He said and stepped toward me.

“Hank? Wait- you know his real name?” I asked. I know I’m behind the loop on most things super hero. I tended to not pay attention and try to focus on my life. When I did hear about Hank’s accidents or rescues, I ended up with a sleepless night and a chest full of acid reflux.

Voc stepped into the light. He wasn’t wearing his villain costume. Or uniform. Or whatever it was. He was dressed in slacks, a grey sweater and a pea coat. He had slim round glasses and dark hair hanging down across his face.

“Wait- Are you a real professor? You’re definitely giving professor vibes.” I said and he actually did chuckle. That time I saw it.

“Yes, of course, I am. I’m one of the leading bio-engineers in the country. I knew Hank when we were in the military together. I was doing some, uh, research.” His smile dissipated and he broke eye contact with me.

“And now you teach villainy?’ I asked.

“Uh. No. I taught biology. But now I’m a little- distracted.” He said and looked at my skirt riding up my legs. “Here, let me give you this.” He took off his jacket and put it around my waste and legs.

He was tall. Probably taller than Hank, even. And his broad shoulders made me think, maybe not every guy needed super strength to pick me up. Megan- stop it. Get your head in the game. We will not ogle the super villain. I told myself.

“Hank never told you any of this?” He asked and looked over at me.

“No.” I said and shook my head. “I didn’t really ask about his super hero stuff. Top secret and all. He made it clear I didn’t have clearance.”

“Yeah, but they always say that. Everyone knows all the guys tell their wives top secret info. It comes with any job like that.” He said and looked away and grabbed something from just passed the shadows.

“Huh.” I said and realized that Hank never thought of me as a wife. The whole year we were dating. He never wanted to be my partner. It was never long term for him. Voc had shared more about his personal life in two minutes than Hank had done in an entire year.

The silence between Voc and I lingered. Well, great now I made this awkward. He was just starting to be nice to me.

“So,” I started. “Do you think you can let me go?” I just went for it. I didn’t have time to mess around. My head was pounding and I had a very good chance of passing out.

“Not quite yet.” Voc said. The shadows covered half of his body again.

“I’m telling you he’s not-“

“Megan!” I hear a voice call out to from behind me.

I hear a familiar whoosh surround me and I see Hank land next to me and rip the rope with one hand. It rubs against my wrists and I look up.

“What the hell are you doing here?”I said and rubbed my wrist.

“I-I’m here to save you.” Hank looked stunned. Almost like I was the one that hurt him.

“I can do it myself. Thank you.” I said and stood up. I grabbed the fallen pea coat and put my arms through the holes.

“Baby, don’t be like that.” Hank said. He floated toward me with open arms like he wanted to give me a hug.

“Baby? Do not call me that. I never liked it.” I said and took a few steps backwards. I was closer to Voc now and I could feel his muscles tense.

I turned my head toward Voc and said, “This is between you two. Leave me out of it this time.” I took off the jacket and flung it toward Voc.

“Don’t ever come looking for me again.” I looked at both of them but my gaze settled on Hank. “You cheated on me. After a year? With the most basic Barbie you could find.”

“Baby, I told you, nothing happened between us. She’s just my friend and we were just hugging. Anything beyond that is silly. You probably thought you saw something that didn’t happen.” He said. His face softened and his eyes drooped like a hurt puppy. Maybe his real super hero power was gaslighting? Quenching every nefarious foe with a little psychological manipulation?

“The mistake was that I believed you in the first place. I can’t believe I was so stupid. I almost came back. Before this. I almost came back to our apartment. But I’m so glad I didn’t. We were never a real partnership. You never trusted me with anything important. I told myself I was just the dumb, chatty, nervous girl friend and I was better off not knowing. But that’s not who I am. And this super hero persona, the knight in flying armor is so far from the real you. You’re just some scared fuck boy that can’t be in anything real.” I said and took a deep cleansing breath.

“You two need to leave me the fuck alone.” I said after a pause. I looked up at Voc and he was smirking. His face was almost amused. Maybe even proud? I didn’t bother returning the favor. I held out my hand and said, “Keys.”

He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a set of car keys. I grabbed them and ran.

Three days later

My sister and I sat on the couch in her basement apartment downtown. Her fluffy new kitten Roscoe was laying on her lap as she sipped a cup of coffee from a mug that said “Guess What? Chicken Butt.” There was a stoic chicken with aviators decorating the opposite side. My phone pinged. Her phone pinged. Alexa announced “There is an urgent local announcement, would you like me to share it with you?”

Molly looked at me and then her phone. She said, “Yes Alexa, share it.”

“Okay, Local news is reporting that it has just been discovered that Halcyon Hunk, a.k.a. Billionaire philanthropist, Hank Hawthorne has been arrested for bio-genetic testing. It has been said that a secure facility will be holding him for questioning. Authorities are still investigating how far this corruption goes.”

“I knew I didn’t like that dick head.” Molly spat.

I was speechless. This is what Voc was trying to tell me the whole time. They knew each other in the military and Voc…? Was he the reason Hank had powers in the first place? How far did all this go? Would Voc be arrested next?

“There’s someone at your front door.” Molly’s phone said.

“That’s weird I didn’t order anything. For once.” Molly chuckled and opened her ring app. “Uhh, you might want to see this.”

I looked down at her phone and saw a dark hooded figure approaching her front door. He looked down and placed something on the floor.

“Oh that’s creepy as fuck.”She said.

I rushed over to the door but there was no one there. A note and a single black rose laid on the ground. I picked up the note and read.

Dear Megan,

I hope you know, I couldn’t have done this without you. You were the only one that knew the real him. And he finally took responsibility for it. Thank you and I’m sorry for kidnapping you. I won’t do it again. Unless you want me to.

-Voc

I let the note dangle down and stared into the empty steps outside Molly’s apartment. Molly snuck a peak and looked up at me.

“This is the weirdest pick up line I’ve ever heard. But I’d date him.” She said with a smile.

“Me too.” I said not cracking a smile or shifting my gaze.