The Incident

Leonard stared at his chipped and faded CU Denver coffee mug, the vortex of Columbian ground beans almost a black hole of doom that threatened to pull him in. Though he didn't consider himself old (only recently turning thirty), he noticed that time moved faster the farther he progressed in age. This last week, however, seemed to crawl at the pace of a snail in a race determined to lose.

To be fair, Leonard usually felt this way. Since back when he was a boy even. A creeping expectation of nebulous dread. That at any time, for any reason, something can and most likely will go wrong.

At the behest of his wife, Emily, Leonard had reluctantly agreed to begin seeing a therapist.

"You'll feel a lot better, believe me", Emily said to him a few weeks ago in bed. Leonard's brother, Allen, had also encouraged him, also bestowing him with a few books: Madness: Dealing with the Neurotic Mind, God are you there? Its me, Adam and The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

After a few sessions, his therapist, Dr. Lewis, said he believed they made some developments.

"...these type of thinking patterns, and almost superstitious beliefs, are common for people that come from these type of backgrounds. A false sense of uncertainty or insecurity, which can lead to expressions of anxiety. This I think ties in with the feelings you have regarding responsibility in your father's condition."

Leonard's father, Harry, had lived in Soviet Ukraine for most of his childhood and adolescence, before coming to the States sometime in the mid eighties. He met Leonard and Allen's mother, Lisa, and they settled down in Colorado. Harry worked long hours as a car salesman, in the hopes that Leonard and Allen would go to university and aspire to greater things. Leonard did, going to CU Denver with the intentions of majoring in business, but dropped out after one semester with the hopes of getting into film production. Like Leonard, or maybe even more so, Harry had struggled with anxiety and negative thinking patterns. When Leonard revealed he had dropped out of university, Harry almost suffered a hear attack.

Leonard moved to LA, and after struggling for six months to get a foot into the industry, gave up the endeavor and instead became an adult film cameraman for a few odd months. Eventually, his family got word of his current livelihood, and Harry was hospitalized for heart pains. Leonard caught a flight to Denver right after, and was with his family when the doctor gave the news.

"-had expected , based on his previous medial history and the symptoms he was experiencing that this was a heart attack, but it appears he suffered from Takotsubo cardiomyopathy."

"...what?", Lisa had replied.

"Broken heart syndrome. Something very recently must have caused him so much stress or pain that his heart muscles literally began to give in."

Harry was fine and lived a relatively unbothered life, though is heart was now significantly weaker.

Regardless, Leonard stared at the coffee with dread.

Last Monday, a few hours into the start of the work day, Jones Anderson and Amy Morrison, members of upper management, had come to him, materializing behind his cubicle as if jinn. They talked hushed to him, and a few moments later he was in Anderson's office, Anderson closing the door behind him but giving a smile to Leonard as he sat down. They exchanged pleasantries for a brief moment, as they did a pit of fear growing in Leonard's stomach.

"We brought you here, Leonard, to discuss a incident that happened in the north wing breakroom last Tuesday. There was a complaint that Hugh may have made a...possibly insensitive comment about a certain subject matter. Based on the report, you were also in the room, and engaged in conversation with Hugh."

"I-what was the comment?"

"Well...Hugh seems to have maybe done a bit of friendly ribbing with John, which escalated into maybe not so pleasant exchanges. In the report filed to HR, John claims Hugh said..."

Leonard listened, and as he did, his brain went through the birth of the universe, from the minuscule dot to the slow heat death, in search of what words should depart his tongue next. He thought of back when he was in university, and was caught cheating on his exam. Harry had departed some sage advise to Leonard.

”I think it’s best to tell the truth with these things. That way, you don’t have to try and keep track of all the webs and strings. Just got to roll with the punches.”

In that aspect, Harry was the opposite of Leonard, as Leonard loved to lie. Well, not so much loved to lie, but vastly preferred it to its counterpart, confrontation. Dr. Lewis told Leonard he believed this stemmed from his mother, and her overprotective style of parenting during Leonard's formative years. In this instance however, he thought Harry might have been on to something. So he told the truth.

”I mean…yeah, he said that. Hugh and John rib on each other like this all the time. Most of the department does. Hell, I’ve even done it.”

Leonard left Anderson's office a little after that, returning to his cubicle. About an hour later, Jones and Amy returned saying unfortunately Leonard will be placed on leave until further notice, pending an ongoing investigation into him and the rest of the department. As Leonard drove home that night, he cursed God, his father and himself.

"I'm heading out", Emily said, walking into the kitchen and breaking Leonard out of his trance.

"Oh", Leonard replied, turning around, Emily embracing him.

"Don't worry so much, it's gonna be fine."

"Mm", Leonard only said.

"Have you decided on what you're getting Allen?", Emily asked.

"Mm...not yet. Probably just another whisky or something. Maybe a coke too. Old man's still a frat bro at heart, though he plays the part of the gentleman well."

Emily smiled, planting a kiss on Leonard's cheek then leaving. Leonard continued to stare at the cup, the coffee untouched. The swirl had fizzled out now, the top now calm, all the grounds hidden at the bottom. Leonard tried to quite his mind, but found he could only muffle it.

***

Leonard had been in Anderson's office for about five minutes, his rhythmic foot tapping the only noise in the room. As the seconds on the clock ticked by, Leonard got up to see if perhaps he was in the wrong room, but Jones and Amy opened the door, greeting Leonard with their ever present grin and coming in. They engaged in grief conversation, when asked about the week, Leonard for some reason lying and saying he went skiing with some friends. Afterwards they sat down to talk.

"Leonard, what happened here was unfortunate. You've been with us for some time now, and I know a lot of people here can vouch for the quality of your character. Nowadays, we just have to be a little more mindful of what we say. Even if it's fine for you, you never know how it will be received by the other person or persons. Now I like you, you know that. It's just I have my bosses, and they're starting to squeeze harder, especially with things like this. Never know when something will snowball into a PR disaster."

"Yeah, Yeah I get you. Thanks Jones", Leonard replied, the tight ball in his stomach starting to lessen slightly.

"Of course, of course. Now um, I probably shouldn't tell you about other employees, but since we like you, we let Hugh get his stuff after the office closed, to spare him any embarrassment. If you want, you can wait 'til tonight to retrieve your stuff, or get it now. Which ever you prefer."

Leonard stared, his smile still plastered on his face.

"I-what?"

"Your belongings. Hugh opted to get his after hours, do you want to do the same?", Jones repeated.

The smile on Leonard's face slowly lowered, the tight ball in his stomach growing exponentially as his brain fired a million thoughts a second, none of them good.

"I-I'm fired?"

"Not fired", Amy said. "We like to think of it as...your career journey is taking you someplace different. Like a caterpillar blossoming into a butterfly, this is just a change, maybe even for the better."

"That's a beautiful analogy, Amy", Jones said.

"Thank you."

"I-I've been here eight years. I-I've never so much as had one incident or complaint."

"I know, and we thank you so much for everything you've done for the company in that span. It hasn't gone unnoticed."

Leonard stared at the table, a swirling pattern on the oak, almost appearing to move.

"Um...I have a birthday party to be at tonight, so I'll just get my stuff now."

"Excellent", Jones said, him and Amy standing up.

Leonard was quick, gathering his belongings and exiting the building within twelve minutes.

Leonard drove to a park, where he stayed most of the day. He didn't cry, or feel particularly sad. A feeling of despair had completely enveloped him, seeping from the inside and wrapping around him . He stared at the swaying branches above him, his mind strangely blank. He noticed the leaves fall from the branches from the whim of the wind, drifting in whatever direction they were lead.

After a few hours had passed, Leonard called Harry. For what, he didn't know. Maybe some childish need for reassurance, maybe just because of the unbearable silence in the car. His mom answered, saying Harry's heart was hurting and he was currently in bed. She told him Harry would call him later and that they loved him, then hung up the phone. Leonard considered himself a mostly stoic person, the rare moments he expressed his emotions preferring to do it through humor. In this moment however, Leonard began to cry. Only slightly at first, but as the seconds passed spiraling into full blown weeping.

Towards evening, around eight, Leonard drove from the park to his house, his phone displaying a list of missed calls and texts. He called Emily and Allen back, telling them he just got caught up at work and was arriving to the party soon. Before going home, Leonard stopped by the liquor store and got a bottle of whisky, then stopped at a local bookstore to get a copy of "The Outsider", by H. P. Lovecraft. The book was a personal favorite of both Leonard and Allen, and this copy was a unique print.

Leonard showered and got dressed, heading out to Allen's house for the party. As he neared the house, he saw the block lined with cars. Leonard made his way into the backyard patio, guests and lively chatter filling the area. Allen's husband, Jeff, saw Leonard and beckoned him towards the porch.

"Hey", Jeff said, hugging Leonard.

"Where's Allen?", Leonard asked.

"With Emily in the kitchen. He's about to give a speech or something. Where have you been? We've been calling you for hours."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Got held up at work."

"Oh? So that means things must have gone well."

"Yeah yeah, um...they didn't fire me, so that's good", Leonard said with a chuckle.

"Fucking great news man. And what about the promotion? Are you still gonna get it?"

"I um...yeah, I think so."

"Dude", Jeff exclaimed, grabbing Leonard's shoulders.

Allen and Emily emerged out of the kitchen, Allen having a glass of bourbon in hand. They saw Leonard and approached.

"Where have you been?", Emily asked.

"Um, I-"

"He got his job back, plus the promotion", Jeff interjected.

"Oh my God", Emily said, hugging Leonard.

"See? I told you things would be okay. You have to stop worrying so much."

"She's right", Allen said. "It's just like that passage from the book I gave you. Let go of worry. For when you do, victory comes."

"Mmm", Leonard replied.

"Anyways, this is great news, seriously. I'm about to go give a toast, and you can be damn sure I'm gonna mention this."

"Allen, you really don't have to. I'd actually prefer it if you di-"

"Nonsense", Allen replied, turning around. "Your victory is my victory. Proud of you lil bro."

Allen clinked his glass, calling for the attention of the crowd.

"Lads and lassies, I first want to thank you all for coming to celebrate me getting once inch closer to that glorious abyss", Allen began, laughter coming from the crowd.

"In al seriousness though, this does mean a lot to me. If not for friends and family, life really would just be nothing more than a countdown to the void. But the relationships we make, either from being born into them-"

Allen looked at Leonard, raising his glass.

"-or the ones we make along the way, give it meaning, and make it fun. Which is what we're about to have, but first-"

Allen turned to Leonard.

"My younger brother, Leo, has been close to the furnace these last couple weeks. Dare I say cast into it. I won't go into the details, but not only has he escaped the furnace, he's in a better place than before he was in it."

Allen stepped to Leonard, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"My brother got a promotion", Allen yelled, a wave of applause coming from the crowd.

Allen shook Leonard's shoulder, Leonard smiling and nodding his head.

"You're feeling better?", Allen asked, hushed.

"I feel...", Leonard began, staring up at the black and endless expanse. "I feel..."