Uncolored

   I stared out my window in the house. I had grown up here, surrounded by my sisters. I smiled softly as memories took over me. Just like that I was running around with Erin again, laughing as we spread ash around the field. The sun tipping its hat as it continued on through it’s journey. Unbeknownst to me tears began to drift down my cheek. Erin had been a wonderful matriarch, better yet, she had been a brilliant wife. We always woke up early together, entwined in each others arms and watched the sun rise while we drank tea. Anger snapped in my mind, now those moments would be forever gone. Paintings flashed in my mind, Erin laid on the floor in our room, the usual sheets bloody, and her hands wrapped around a small posy of scorpion grass. The worst part was that the murderers had gorged out her eyes, possibly while she was alive. The thought of it brought me to tears. Then fury, someone dared to hurt Erin, my Erin! Recounting the events of a few months ago still made me want to scream. Silently yet controlling a storm of emotions underneath I walked to the kitchen. “Xylia, is that you? Oh, are you making tea for Erin and you?” My mother in law asked, she couldn’t seem to remember that her daughter was dead. “No” was all I managed to choke out, I had been fine for months, why was grief whopping me so hard now? “Why not? I think she’ll be quite upset with you if she doesn’t get any. Are you having a tiff? Oh my, I’ll help sort things out honey.” I could hear the old woman getting up, almost envisioning the look on Erin’s face as if she were in front of me right now, but she wasn’t. “Having trouble?” Quinn asked, the oaklet always seemed to be there when I was at a loss for words. “Yeah… could you handle that?” Quinn nodded and hopped into Liv’s room. Oaklet’s are creatures of trees, enchanted to life by a very miniscule number of witches. Erin was one of those witches who could do such a thing. Because of that they drained her, of course they didn’t have to torture her as they did it. Some witches choose to have their magic removed, it’s a painless process, the scene displayed in my bedroom was anything but painless. 

The water rushing into my kettle mirrors my emotions. Constantly flowing for some reason unknown to them unable to stop. Of course that doesn’t make any sense because I know why the water cannot stop, it’s because I’m pulling a cord and it’s activating the “Need some water? You can’t go hotter”™ hotline because one of our sisters went to a party with one of the executives and somehow came out with a free subscription. The water spills over onto my hand, burning it. Having less of a reaction than I wish I had I pull the cord once more and take out the kettle. It’s already beginning to whistle but I absentmindedly put it on the stove anyways. I take out a brand of tea I no longer like and stand there. Standing by the water as it boils, listening to it whistle. I think it was longer than tea usually takes that I stood there but I honestly can’t remember. All I know is that a little while after Adeline came into the kitchen with her tiny little child body and asked me, “Are you making tea again?” Her small voice nearly broke me into tears. Of course before I could do so Connet -my sister and her mother- rushed in. Her eyes darted behind me to the kettle. She sighed and I felt it in my soul, “Xylia, you head into the gardens, go plant the Hawthorne I’ll finish up with the tea.” I nod, and waddle through a door with white half visible curtains, when I open the door a ray of sunshine hits me directly in the face. Flowers and herbs of every kind are hidden in the nooks, vines climbing up white fence posts, my mind thinks wow but the rest of my body can’t seem to get the memo. I still feel beyond tired, I still feel as if nothing can ever go right again. I walk along the red stones, faces appear on them as I do, the matriarchs before now smiling at me sympathetically. The looks in their eyes makes me sick, heat rises in my body as I look at them. Finally Erin’s stone comes up, I didn’t have to come this way. I suppose I could have avoided it but I didn’t, seeing her face staring at me like she’s sorry forces me to kneel. I do it, I break down. I stare at her beautiful face below me, a piece of her forever here, but I can’t love stone. Unable and unwilling to pick myself up I end up laying on my back, staring at the darkish blue dawn sky. I know I’m supposed to be planting something, but I can’t get up, so instead I lay on the bricks of the past and stare unblinking into the sky.

I think I fell asleep at some point there. I know when I woke up the sun was staining my vision pink and I knew that there was a butterfly on my cheek when I did wake up, and I knew that it was midday when I noticed Abriel staring at me. She was dressed in a plain black and white dress, her dark brown hair stiffly falling around her shoulders.” Are you okay?” She asked, staring me down from my spot on the floor. I blinked a few times, breathing heavily, I desperately did not wish to speak, if only that would bring her back. “Should I get Matriarch Golberry?” She asked innocently. I sighed, and chuckled a bit to myself. “No honey, I’m… I’ll be fine.” I said, breathless by the final word. “You know, Madame Bede tells us that magic is a sisterhood, and that by joining together here we’re all one.” My face cracked a bit, if that was true then I’d be together with Erin right now, dying in paradise. “She says that that’s how it works, but she also says that we can all hear each other, that if we search really hard we can.” I sat up, crisscrossing my legs and pulling her into my lap. “And what do you hear honey?” I asked, fixing my cracks in my head. “Well, when I go to sleep I hear a lot of dancing and hurrahs, and calming sounds.” I nod and she continues. “But from your room I hear crying, and it makes me really sad.” Finally a tear drips down again, Abriel stares up at me from my lap. “I’m sorry honey, I really didn’t mean to bother you, I’ll be quieter I-” She cuts me off, her big blue eyes staring directly into mine, “But then after that I realize that everyone else is sad too.” Resting my elbows on my knees I bury my face in my hands. “I’m sorry honey, I know, It’ll be” I pause, staring into her face I can tell this isn’t what she wants me to say. “I think it’s okay already.” She said. I shake my head, unable to form words. A swamp building in my throat. “Come on sister, let’s go inside.” She said pulling me up. I looked down at the stones, only to find Erin was gone. As were all the other matriarchs. Looking up I noticed the vines were no longer waving as if dancing to music. They were oddly.. Normal. Mindlessly I follow Abriel back into the house. Connet had forgotten about the tea and was now busy with the dishes, which she never usually did. The tap was now run by an odd lever, and there was.. Soap? We don’t use soap, cleaning spells were mastered in the 2nd year of training! “Connet?” I say, confusion seeping into my tongue. “Yes?” she asks, her voice sounding brightly fake. “Why are you doing the dishes?” I ask, staring at her. The house seemed to quiver when the question exited me. She looked at me quizzically before deciding to laugh it off. Her laugh sounded like a chuckle, like a clown would in a theater, not at all like her. “Because they need doing Xylia!” She smiled at me, the look made me shiver. This was not normal and something was most definitely going on. “But… but why aren’t you just using” My mouth closed around me as I said magic, I froze. Oh. That’s all I could think. I know, it’s stupid, I should have been able to formulate something, my very being was falling apart! Magic is what connected all of us, where were the rest of my sisters?! Did I ever even meet Erin without magic?! 

“Um, hey Connet, do you know… Erin?” I asked. She froze, unmovable. Color began to erase itself from the world, and only then did I notice it had existed. The white of the cabinets removed itself and it was replaced with gray. The dark granite counters following in its steps. The sun itself blended into the sky eventually. After the sky was blotted out the uncoloring reached to Connet. Panic finally forced me to move. I dashed towards her. New memories flooded into me, twice as strong. The funeral, we all chanted together, we all grieved together, we all are, together. Grabbing Connet I began to grip her arms as a silent plea, begging this destruction of all the beautiful things I had missed so much in the world to come back. Abriel spoke up, I had entirely forgotten her existence. Wait… did she exist? The name tugged at my mind, Abriel had never been one of our sisters. Matriarch Golberg was the Matriarch when I was young… who is Abriel. Her mind dragged me out of my questions, “I thought maybe you could use some help. Erin was really worried but you’ve still got a while down here. So you better enjoy it, you got that? Who knows if you’ll get any color when you come visit. You’re not alone you know, I just figured you should know.” And then she disappeared. Swirling into the colorless kitchen. 

I woke up back on the stones, Erin was there smiling at me, stuck on a brick. I cried again, it was stronger than anything before. I could never be a disappointment to her. I plucked petals off the flowers nearby, their vibrant purples contrasting against the green stems. The vines began to tremble to the wind and I began to sway with them. A few minutes later Connet stepped into the garden standing in front of me she asked me with a smile, “You didn’t plant the Hawthorne did you?” I can’t believe I haven’t looked at that smile in so long. I’m glad I didn’t though, it makes this moment all the better.