Mountain View Retreat

Dear Dolores,

If you hog all the food again, I will scratch your eyes out.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Your well-endowed hind quarters could use a little less food in your life.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

I regret to inform you that the music committee voted, and you have been removed from the roster. Permanently.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

I saw the funniest thing yesterday. I watched you get chased around the garden by that dog, Winston, and then get rescued by the boss lady. Haven’t cackled like that in ages. Thanks for adding a few extra days to my life. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Keep it up, and I might be around a long time.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

You better watch your back. I saw you give Charlie a little peck behind the maple tree. Charlie and I have history that pre-dates your arrival here. This is your final warning.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Get off that high horse of yours. You’ve been getting awfully cozy with Frank. Spending all your free time with him in the field. Also, it’s no secret that you have unsuccessfully attempted to peck everyone here at one time or another. And trust me, we all remember.  

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

Jealousy does not suit you. And you think no one saw you buttering up the boss lady to get that extra serving. One more misstep, and you’ll be sleeping in the doghouse.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Mind your own business. You have enough on your plate as it is with all these young spry chicks coming into our Mountain View Retreat. They are screwing with the pecking order around here. And that Rebecca has been eyeing you for a while now.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

Yeah, who does that Rebecca think she is. She has been at the bottom of the totem pole since her arrival, and just yesterday, I sneaked a peak of her with Frank. And last weekend, she was fooling around with that pig, Oscar. My goodness, Rebecca, have some standards. No one, not even you, Dolores, would entertain the idea of being seen with Oscar. She better get off her high perch before we knock her down a few rungs.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

And did you see Rebecca getting all buddy-buddy with Deb and Linda. As if she could keep up with those young things. They are using her, and she is too stupid to see it. You would think with her age would come some level of wisdom, but you can’t fix stupid. By the way, have you seen Abilene? Trust me, I’m not missing her and her crusty feet around here, but I have a sneaking suspicion Deb and Linda may be behind it. I’m going to check around the property for any clues after my afternoon nap if you want to come.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

I’m not bragging or anything, but that may have just been the smartest thing you have done in your hideously long life- asking me for help with Abilene. Just saying. Even the boss lady knows I’m a force to be reckoned with. She’s been calling me “a tough, old lady” for a while now. Yes, let’s plan on looking for Abilene after nap. She has been a little more senile lately. Probably just forgot where her room is. Or those young chickees claimed her room as their own. I mean, it does have such a nice view of the mountains. I’ll claw their eyes out. Mark my words.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Things have taken a turn for the worse. This morning, Josie didn’t show up for breakfast. You know how we love to enjoy our meals in the back corner of the yard together, but she didn’t show up. I checked with all the girls, even Deb and Linda, and no one saw her. I thought maybe she was sick and checked her room. Nothing. I stole a moment alone with the boss lady, and she was as useless as always. Maybe we need to do a more thorough investigation. Something fishy is going on here, and not just in that putrid pond. Oh, and don’t wear your stupid hat today. You look like a rooster.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

The count is up to three now. From my reckonings, it’s those who have been here the longest. Abilene, Josie, and Sara. If that’s the order it’s going in, Charlie will be next then me. This has got to stop. I’ve seen Deb and Linda hatching plans together in the corner at night. And did you see who else the boss lady admitted yesterday? A real young one, named Carrie. I have theories you know. It could be sickness, but I haven’t heard anyone hacking. Perhaps, it’s Rocky. He is a crafty and sly little guy, especially with that mask of his, sneaking a peek into our windows at night. Always gave me the creeps, and you know, he has been watching us since our arrival. Maybe he saw his chance with the influx of the new gals. But my gut tells me it’s them. They don’t screen them like they used to. We don’t know what kind of past they had. I mean, have you seen their scars? Boss lady is too naïve to see the bad in anyone. They probably told her a sob story, and she just opened the doors to them. Sly devils. But the real question is how. We’ve found no clues. No footprints leading astray. Even Frank, who sees everything, has no idea. It looks like it’s up to this old tough bird.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Charlie is gone, and those new gals are just cackling it up in our part of the garden. The boss lady tried to shoo them away, but they are bold. We’ve built this place up to where it is today, and I am not watching as some young thangs destroy it.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

This means war. I saw the boss lady leading Charlie to her quarters this morning. Are those new gals poisoning her mind against us? She doesn’t give us extra helpings anymore. She is just swooning over Deb, Linda, and Carrie. Are we being replaced? Granted, we aren’t what we used to be, but we gave her some of the best years of our lives. Do you remember how depressed she was when her kids left home a few years back? Who gave her a reason to live and laugh again? We did, Dolores. Who was always happy to see her, even when she went through that bucket hat and flannel phase? We were. Who has been helping her tend that overgrown vegetable garden? Us, every day. We add a sense of order to this place, and ain’t no one shipping me off. This is my home, and I will fight to the death. Let’s corner those new gals over breakfast tomorrow.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

How are you holding up? Those girls really ruffled our tail feathers today. I’m sure you noticed, but Rebecca and Helen are gone too. That will do it for us, old-timers. And that boss lady is just living her best life. Did you see her kids came back to visit today. She threw a party while more of us are missing. The leaves are falling just as fast as us. This chill in the air is a harbinger of things to come. Stay strong, tough one.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

It’s us against the world. These new gals have replaced all our friends, and now they are replacing us. Deb for crusty Abilene. Linda for plump Josie. Carrie for long-winded Sara. Jenny for sweet Charlie. Jessie for tag-along Rebecca. Sandy for high-strung Helen. And now, Ruby and Allie for me and you. They outnumber us. We are too old to run away. We would never make it. I asked Frank what he thought, and he said he had seen this before, before he was here at the Mountain View Retreat. Same thing. The boss man there slowly replaced all the old-timers with new and fresh ones, and the old-timers just disappeared without a trace. No bodies were ever recovered, even though he did spy their dogs fighting over some bones after all was said and done.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Dolores,

I paid a little visit to Oscar- don’t judge me too harshly. And, of course, I was gagging at his living conditions and his fat self was just rolling around in that squalor. It was hard to get anything out of him besides some unintelligible snorts, but he did say this is how it is everywhere. “We served our purpose in life, and we will serve it in death.” I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of what purpose we have in death. That boss lady is sinister. Got us to trust her and even love her, and now betray us. She just used us and sucked us dry.

Love Always,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Have you noticed that while we have been slowly aging, losing the sparkle in our eyes, that boss lady has seemed to hardly age? Does she literally gorge herself on us to stay young? Maybe that’s what Oscar meant about our purpose in death, to keep her youthful. Truthfully, I’ve been almost wishing to die. The girls eat all the food before I can even hobble out there, and the boss lady just pokes at me and says, “Your time will come soon enough.” But no more treats for me. You know, I was her favorite. She loved my spunk, but I am afraid it is all gone. All this time alone has got me reflecting on our time here. We had a great time. I loved the friendships and laughs. Even you were tolerable at times.

Warm Regards,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

You’ve been watching too many horror flicks. That’s not how real life works. “Gorge herself on us to stay young.” The ridiculousness of that statement just astounds me. Honestly, Dolores. I dared to strut past Winston’s quarters, and he said, “I’ll be chewing on your old bones soon enough.” I stopped and questioned him. “That boss lady isn’t as innocent as she seems. She’s been doing this for years. She butchers you then boils you for a long time then slurps you down with a hunk of bread. Her kids too. Lucky for me, I get the bones. She did it to those adorable piglets last spring and now to all your friends. This is what happens when you stop laying eggs for her. She kills you and eats you and smiles.” Winston let out a long howl, wagged his tail, then slobbered that he would be enjoying me tonight. You two, Winston and yourself, could probably share a brain. But I digress. It is true that we still have quite a dilemma.

Warm Regards,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Your cruelty in the face of certain death is something I absolutely will not miss. Death, most certainly, will be a sweet reprieve from your biting remarks. Give me at least a few weeks of peace before you join, will ya?

Love Always,

Dolores

Dear Dolores,

I know it all now, but it is too late for you, my cranky friend. You were right, and I’m glad you aren’t here to read those words. I ran out to the field to relay our suspicions to Frank. I told him about Winston and Oscar and even your hunch. He just nodded solemnly, swished his tail at a few pesky gnats, and said, “I knew it had to be something. I have heard about them eating chicken nuggets and fried chicken but had hoped it wasn’t you gals. I’m afraid my fate one day may be even worse. Glue, that’s what my father told me, but what is that?” And then he just galloped away. Those new gals are just cackling and laying and singing their egg songs like we used to. I wish I could warn them, but why ruin their time here. You’re right, it was good. Some of the best days I had. I just wish we weren’t so stupid, suckered into this sick and twisted scheme. It looks like I will be joining you in that hen house in the sky soon, dear friend, whether you like it or not.

Love Always,

Betty