Danny and Franny

Danny runs his sweaty hands along his trousers for what seems like the hundredth time. He’d planned ‘operation engagement’ down to the most minute details, but he wasn’t quite prepared for the sudden onslaught of doubt. 

They’d spoken about this moment many times in the past four years and were both on the same page, but still—

“Danny, have you decided?” Franny asks.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll have the ravioli,” he tells their ridiculously good looking waiter. Any other night he wouldn’t have cared, but why did tonight’s waiter have to be so bloody sexy.

Danny catches Franny stealing another glance at the waiter’s chiseled jaw as he smiles and leaves the room. They are alone once more. An awkward silence fills the space yet again.

Instinctively Danny’s hands push along the smooth fabric once more. At this rate there will be a palm-sized hole in his pants by the end of what is turning into a very stressful evening.

“Are you ok?” Franny was becoming somewhat concerned with Danny’s odd behaviour.

“Hmm.” Danny looks up to see Franny’s furrowed brow. He forces a smile, trying to reassure her. “Sorry, my love, just a stressful day at work. You now have my undivided attention.”

Danny manages to hold himself together throughout dinner, but that stupidly gorgeous waiter is not helping with his unsettled nerves. 

As THAT part of the night draws closer, Danny becomes increasingly aware of the sweat saturating his one and only black dress shirt. He loosens his tie, hoping it’ll help.

Despite his meticulous planning, their taxi had taken the scenic route to the restaurant to avoid a large traffic jam. They were thirty minutes late, and the fare was twice the amount it should have been.   

Upon finally reaching their destination, they were disappointed to find they had given their reservation away. Danny’s only options: leave, admitting defeat, or see it through and pay an outrageous amount for the only empty table left in this pompous, overpriced establishment. The private room.

Danny sneakily made arrangements with the staff to help him present his grand gesture to Franny when it was time for dessert. It should be any moment now.

But once again his plans are interrupted by a strange woman wearing a long red trench coat, entering through the staff door. Both Danny and Franny looked on in confusion. Then suddenly the quiet background music changes. Michael Bublé is ousted and in his place a blaring remixed version of Low accosts their ears.

The heavily made-up woman then removes her trench coat, revealing a tanned, toned body wearing nothing but some skimpy red lingerie. Danny’s eyes widened in horror. As fast as his legs can carry him, he goes in search of their hot waiter.

“What the hell is that?” Danny screams, pointing towards the door.

“You said you wanted exotic dancer,” replies the hot waiter, in a thick Russian accent. 

“Exotic platter! I wanted an exotic fruit platter, not an exotic dancer!”

“Oh, uh... my bad.” Russian waiter just nonchalantly shrugs his shoulders in response. 

“Where’s the ring?!” Danny shrieks in his face.

The waiter looks down towards the ground and takes a long minute to answer.

“Around the girl’s neck.”

Danny almost has a seizure. He takes a moment, gathers himself and decides it’s now or never!

He struts back into the private room, but stops dead in his tracks. He’s not sure whether to be turned on or extremely disgusted. Exotic dancer girl is giving Franny a lap dance and is jiggling her gigantic free-range boobs right in Franny’s face.

Franny looks to be enjoying herself, so Danny decides he may as well go with being turned on. As the song comes to a close, the dancer removes herself from Franny’s lap, then turns her attention to her necklace that has a shimmering Emerald and gold engagement ring at the end of it and hands it over to Danny.

Franny’s eyes grow enormous as she takes in the sight before her. Danny stands in front of Franny, then lowers himself down onto one knee, wiping his hands once more across his thigh. 

“Franny, I knew from the moment I saw you drenched from head to torso next to a park fountain, looking for your favourite necklace, that you were someone special. I’ve been lucky enough to share many firsts with you, and I hope to share many more. I love you with every fiber, Franny, will you marry me?”

Tears are streaming down Franny’s cheeks. Lost for words, she nods her head vigorously. Danny is so ecstatic, he engulfs Franny into a lung collapsing hug.

A loud snort interrupts their intimate moment. Danny and Franny look to the corner of the room where they are confronted with the image of the exotic dancer bawling her eyes out, still half naked.

She notices them watching her and apologizes. “Don’t pay any attention to me, It’s just so fucking romantic!”

Danny’s nerves are a distant memory, but now a new feeling overwhelms him. Extreme awkwardness! He looks towards the floor, not knowing what to do with himself, and realizes he’s still holding the ring.

His attention turns back to Franny, and he takes her finger and slips it on. “Do you like it?” 

“Oh, Danny, it’s my favorite colour, how could I not love it! I love it and you so much!”

Franny throws her arms around Danny’s neck and smashes her lips to his. Danny is optimistic he’ll be getting some tonight!

Before Franny gets too frisky Danny reluctantly pries her off. It’s time to take this home. Danny searches the room, they are now alone.

“Waiter!” Danny yells.

After a moment Russian waiter presents himself once more, bill in hand.

“I see you’ve anticipated me.” Danny gives it the once over, almost having a heart attack when his eyes skim the amount charged for their exotic dessert. He’s in too much of a good mood, so he hands his card over.

Russian waiter disappears, leaving Danny and Franny a little flustered and extremely horny. It relieves them when he’s back quickly. 

“Congratulations and enjoy the rest of your evening,” their waiter says, slightly out of breath. Then he’s gone again.

Danny and Franny don't hesitate, but they only make it as far as the sidewalk before their hands are all over each other again. They stumble and bump into the brick exterior of the restaurant. Once they reach the corner of the building their attention is drawn to something making similar noises to the ones they were making only seconds ago.

Standing under a lone street lamp is Russian waiter and exotic dancer, grinding against each other along the side of the building. Danny and Franny can’t pull their eyes from the train wreck going on in front of them. The sounds emanating from them turn animalistic. Danny and Franny look at each other with raised eyebrows. 

A giggle escapes Franny, and she immediately slaps a hand over her mouth. It’s too late. The odd couple gyrating against the wall look up towards the sound.  

“Run!” Danny quietly screams at Franny and they take off down the street. Once they reach their car Franny jumps in next to Danny, grabs his hand and says, “Take me home fiance.”