The Mirage

I felt someone looking at me. It sent shivers down my spine. It’s been five years, but I still remember the terror, that feeling when you know that you are about to die. Maybe I’m being over dramatic. But, I’ve known that fear. I’ve lived with it for five years.

I’m in the middle of a busy restaurant in Manila, waiting for my husband for our lunch date. Samuel, my husband of barely a year, was in a meeting in another part of the city. We try our best to have these lunch dates even though we are both very busy. Our careers are very important, but we feel that our relationship is much more important.

I took a sip of my water, dismissing that eerie feeling I have at the back of my mind. Suddenly, there was a commotion in the restaurant. Loud voices were screaming. I turned to see two women fighting. Fighting over what, I don’t know. But they were both angry. The waiters were trying to keep them apart, but they really want to go at it. Eventually, I turned away and saw a ghost on the street. 

A ghost smiling at me.

I never thought that I would see that smile again.

In that instant, I don’t know what to do. He was still looking at me. Smiling at me. I couldn’t turn away from him.

There were so many thoughts running through my head. The number one being: He was supposed to be dead.

Five years after the worst night of my life, I thought he died. Hell, I even went to his funeral. I cried with his mother. His father comforted me as I wailed and asked God why he died.

He saved my life. I was supposed to die. But I didn’t. He did. I saw him fall on the floor, blood all over his face. Those bullets were meant for me. But he took all of them. I am alive right now because of his sacrifice.

So who is this ghost, looking at me through the glass in a busy restaurant in Manila?

“Miss, is everything alright?” I heard someone ask.

“Huh? Yes, I’m good. Thanks,” I answered. When I turned back around, he was gone.

I stood up. I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the restaurant. Looking around, to see if I could catch a glimpse of him.

But he was already gone.

Was he just my imagination? Did my mind somehow conjure him? He looked so real. I thought I already moved on from that night.

Apparently not.

Someone tapped my shoulder and I screamed.

“Whoa. Babe, it’s just me,” Samuel said, hands raised. I was shaking at this point. I couldn’t control myself. I just stood there and cried.

Samuel held me tight and asked, “Luisa, babe, are you okay? What happened?” I shook my head. I couldn’t breathe. Samuel led me back to the restaurant. We sat down and he ordered brandy for me and a glass of water.

“Babe, you’re scaring me. You’re pale and shaking. It’s like you saw a ghost, or something,” Samuel said. The brandy arrived and he ordered me to drink all of it. I downed it with one shot. It calmed my nerves, a little bit. I took a deep breath.

I glanced at my husband. He has helped so much to forget what happened that fateful night. My best friend, Hannah introduced us. He’s smart, sweet and handsome as well. I was hesitant at first to be in a committed relationship. But he was very patient with me. He gained my trust, bit by bit.

In more ways than one, he saved me.

And now, here he is, looking at me like I’ve gone crazy.

“I think I saw James. H-He was s-standing outside. He-he was sm-smiling at me. I turned away for a second and he was gone. But, I’m sure I saw him. He was outside and…” I trailed off. It sounded so crazy.

James has been dead for five years. He’s dead. I repeated those words like a mantra.

“Luisa, I know how much he meant to you, but he’s gone. He’s dead. We visited his grave a week before our wedding, remember?” Samuel asked. He was holding my hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I know, but he looked so real. He was smiling at me like, he was still here. I know it sounds crazy. But I know what I saw. He was standing outside. He was wearing his favorite blue shirt. And the pants that I told him to get rid of. He was there, Sam. I don’t…” I couldn’t stop shaking.

“Babe, calm down. Please, it’s not good for you. Maybe it’s time to go see Dr. Lee again. You’ve not seen her in a while, right. Tell me the truth, Lui, do you still have nightmares about that night?”

I closed my eyes. Even if I don’t dream about it every night, I will never forget what happened. It felt like it happened yesterday.

James and I were on our way home when two people accosted us. They were clearly drunk and looking for trouble. Our car was parked a few meters away. We tried to get away. But they kept following us. We got into our car and drove. We saw them following us. We drove on a dark road. They cut us off. We had no choice but to stop. One of them, the taller one, pointed a gun at us. I begged them to let us go. That made him mad. He grabbed me. I slapped him. He slapped me back. James asked him to stop. The other guy punched him the face. He punched him back. I got away from the tall guy. I tried to run away. The next thing I knew, there were gunshots. James was standing in the middle of me and the gunman. I saw him crumple to the ground. The two guys got into their car and left us.

They were caught three months later.

I shook the memory away. “The last time I had a nightmare was when you left for Singapore for your business trip.” That trip was two weeks ago.

“Lui, please, I know that you think that you are okay now. Apparently, not. Please, let Dr. Lee help you.”

“I talk to you about it. It helps. You’ve been so patient with me. I don’t need to talk to Dr. Lee,” I told him.

“I will always be here for you. And I am glad you can talk to me about it. But, Dr. Lee is more equipped to help you. I will go with you if you want. Just, please, go back to therapy. Please,” he begged.

I never felt comfortable talking about the incident with other people. But for my husband’s peace of mind, for my husband’s sanity, I will do it.

I nodded my head. Samuel kissed me. I felt calmer now.

It’s time to face of the past behind me.