The Other Side of the Proposal

Theo was getting married. Beautiful wife, smart too, her name was Rebecca, and he loved her dearly. They’d been dating for two years, engaged for a month, not even. No one could believe how quickly they’d gotten married. Everyone was happy, though; they were such a cute couple. It was so obvious that they were in love and happy, most were honestly surprised it hadn’t happened sooner.

   Oliver was miserable.

   Oliver had loved Theo for years. Ever since they met, actually. It was in college, they were both majoring in art. The two boys had a few of the same classes. They got closer as the first year went on, and Oliver absolutely adored him.

   Apparently, it was true, though: You can never tell when someone likes you. And Oliver just never found the time to let him know. Not saying he didn't have many opportunities, because he certainly did. He could just never bring himself to say anything about it. Being near him was good enough. And it was good. For a few years, anyway.

   And then Rebecca walked into their lives. History major, popular girl, still sweet and even a little shy. But she was a natural beauty. Theo fell fast and Oliver encouraged him to say something, knowing that Theo and he would never work out anyway.

   Speed up a bit. Theo and Rebecca started dating. And it hurt Oliver, but he laughed and put on a happy face, and that’s because Theo was his best friend, and he wouldn’t do anything to damage that. He would just feel his heart break as the two got closer, and as Oliver was pushed farther out of Theo’s life.

   But it was fine. Theo tried to tell himself that it was just a girl, Rebecca wasn’t the first girl he’d seen Theo date, but… in his heart, Oliver knew Rebecca was different.

   He pushed down his feelings, though, until that night. That night he still sees when he closes his eyes, imprinted into his skull forever. Constantly replaying.

   It was a normal dinner party. Nothing too formal, just a loose party with a few friends, called together a few months after graduation. Nothing weird, just a party a few weeks late. Fine.

   But Oliver was right next to them. He watched Theo lean down, watched him take a small delicate box from his pocket. He heard him say some of the sweetest words, and Oliver’s heart shattered into a million pieces. He blinked back tears, ones Theo would always think were from happiness on his behalf, and his voice stopped working. He just stood there in shock as everyone clapped and Rebecca cried, her tears were of happiness though. Only one thing hurt even more that night when Oliver thought nothing could.

   Theo approached Oliver later, asked him to be his best man. He just sounded so hopeful, and Oliver never could say no to him anyway. He just nodded and hugged Theo tightly.

   Oliver didn’t want to let go.

   That night, he collapsed in his bed the second he got home. He just laid there, feeling his heart beat beneath him, the only indication it was still there. He screamed into a pillow, and later he fell asleep clutching it for dear life.

   In his dreams, he was still trapped in that moment. He could still see the ring, feel his heartbeat speed up, hear the enthusiastic applause. And the fake smile stretching his face still hurt, even in his dreams.

   When he woke up his face was stained with tears and he was still sobbing.

   He absolutely hated himself for feeling this way. He absolutely hated Rebecca. And he hated himself for that, too. And some small part of him hated Theo for never realizing how he felt. But Oliver couldn’t hate Theo. He couldn’t hate Rebecca, he couldn’t hate either of them. He just hated himself. He hated that he couldn’t be her.

   So that morning as he lay in bed contemplating life he decided something: he would be by Theo’s side no matter what with the wedding, by his side when he needed help, and Oliver would never say anything about how he felt.

   He knew it wasn’t too late to speak up, but it already felt set in stone. His best friend, the only person he’d ever really loved, was going to be married.

   And it wasn’t going to be to him.

   The wedding came too fast and too slow. Too fast because he desperately wanted them to break apart, selfish as it was, and too slow because every day the pain he felt got worse, seeing them together. But the icing on the cake was that his heart hadn’t healed at all. Oliver still loved Theo.

   And he looked so amazing on his wedding day. To her credit, so did Rebecca, still with her engagement ring and in a stunning dress, fit for a princess. Well, Theo was definitely a prince, so it was fitting. This whole scene was like a painting, so much beauty to capture in one scene. And Oliver would rather spend the rest of his life painting it than being in the church in that moment.

   It went by very slowly for him, every look that they gave each other, all of the words that were exchanged between them and the priest. Oliver must've nervously run his hand through his hair a thousand times. The Maid of Honor kept shooting him reassuring looks, but they did nothing to calm his growing anxiety, raising quickly with every second.

   And then there was the moment when they kissed. Oliver closed his eyes; he’d sadly seen them kiss many times, but that kiss made it official. And he couldn’t bear to watch. 

   That night his anxiety was through the roof. He kept replaying every scenario he could’ve done something different. He kept mentally berating himself, silently screaming at how many opportunities he had.

   In short, Oliver was trapped in his memories for a while. But he would smile. Theo was his best friend, after all... 

Why couldn’t that just be enough?