Lottery

I like warm climates. I do not like the cold or life lived to too much of a routine. I desired with the intensity of a bored London stockbroker to move to a tropical island. I am not a man given to living in a fantasy world. If I want to go somewhere I methodically set up plans step by step to make it a reality. I have a child who is my greatest source of joy. Nonetheless Melanie’s arrival into this world came as a great surprise. 

Melanie’s mother Ashley is a great love and support to me. I would have probably married Ashley anyway but her pregnancy made our marriage a guarantee. Ashley is ‘practical’. I am not. I have never shirked responsibility. I finished my doctorate through all the confusion of our daughter’s birth and our marriage. Although I was determined to complete my education in the form I had always intended, I also knew that the most selfless thing I could do for my new family was to ensure my employment. ‘Money makes the world go around’ said the judge on Miracle on 34th Street.

I had the strongest ally in Ashley for furthering my own ambition, but only in so far as it achieved practical goals. Ashley’s line of thinking was very short term. Not that she had come from a hard background, but she could only think of the goals of her life as monthly cycles ruled by the appearance of bills in the mail. I would never dream of just running away from responsibility. I love my wife and daughter very much. But a small lottery winning gave me a unique opportunity. 

Research is life to me. To live it to the fullest in a tropical climate would be a dream come true. I have purchased a lottery ticket every week since I was nineteen. In hindsight I would have had quite a bit of money to play with if I had just saved the money I bought the tickets with. But the modest sum I had won did still constitute a profit on my long-term lottery investment. By the time I had finished the drive home from the newsagent I had formulated a plan. I would never be able to justify such a dream trip on my own without it being for a professional purpose. And chances were small of me winning a real version of the professional development opportunity I was going to fabricate. 

I am not good at asserting myself. I hate know it all twits in the lecture theatre who have to ask stupid questions because they loved the sound of their own voice. It was unthinkable that I could straight out say to Ashley that I wanted to be on my own in another country for a while. So when I worked out in my head that the winnings would be enough for airfare and modest accomodation for about three months it seemed to be a God given opportunity. I thought back during dinner that night to all the jobs I have interviewed for. What awards had I won? I had won a few academic awards and grants in my time but that was before social media had become the fashionable thing to use in every facet of life. Even then it would not necessarily be a problem presuming that Ashley took me at my word. There would be no need to publicise myself on Twitter. Ashley was not a big social media user and even if she was would not necessarily share anything specific. In my mind there was forming the appearance of an official looking letter congratulating me on the winning of a fake grant from a real institute. I would make a coloured print of their logo with the typed content. 

I played with my daughter on her toy mat that evening. She had finally passed that terrifying stage when she could collapse her neck on herself if left unsupervised. Aside from Ashley her sister and all four of our parents live in the immediate area, so finding people to care for Melanie would not prove a problem. It would be hard to be apart from my little girl all that time. But I felt that it was better we only be apart during a stage when only one of us would miss the other. 

My authority as a University tutor made it surprisingly easy to get a copy of a large jpeg file from an appropriate institute to put on the Header of my Congratulations letter. The letter invited me to an interview and fortunately their headquarters were not too far away from home. Ashley was genuinely proud that I had got this interview and helped me pick an appropriate outfit for the occasion. I planned the driving route to the interview place indicated on the letter. I made sure that I drove in the right direction. 

I waited a week to tell Ashley that I had had a call at my office to confirm that the hour I spent at a Ferguson Plarre with a latte and a brownie had resulted in my winning a grant to conduct research on an island near Hawaii. I felt bad seeing how genuinely happy Ashley was for me. I half capitulated on the plan by offering if she wanted to come with me. Ashley said it was not practical for her to be away that long. Maybe she could come later for a week or two. I felt bad at first for deceiving her but that would pass. 

Within a month I was at the airport. Aside from the fact that I was not actually going to be doing anything from the moment I passed through security I felt like I was living at my most genuine in years. I went to an American style diner next to a newsagent. I bought a photography magazine of the kind you would only buy with extended leisure time. I propped the magazine against a plastic menu stand and ate a breakfast burger and strawberry shake after sharing a suitably beautiful snapchat. I would need to be careful with social media. 

After an hour of reading while finishing his breakfast and ordering an extra cappuccino I contemplated what my aim was in all this. Was it worth the charade I had so elaborately planned for something that was transient? Most people, I reminded himself, only dream of what they want. I did not love my family any less for doing this. It was just unfortunate they had been born into the circumstances as they arose and I did not feel that I was likely to amass enough wealth to enable my whole family to live the way I wanted. And that was assuming that they even agreed to live how I wanted. 

Lottery winners, really big lottery winners, from what I have seen on documentaries and other programs, suffer an instant identity crisis. A whole social strata can build itself on the presumption of money or no money. Comedy, a genre of entertainment that I consume enthusiastically, so often survive on appealing to the base tribal instincts to ostracise the hunter with the bigger fish or scorn the one that is impoverished with no catch and nothing to fish for himself. It was a reprieve from the divide of different realities that fate and ingenuity had provided me.

I was proud of myself now that I had had the courage to step out like this. I would live as I wanted. All trials and success would be my fault.