Why I Hate the Stars

I hated stars.

Any minute now a guard would approach and the general would have us dead where we stood. And what were we doing? Looking at stars. Light flaring far away. Rave was barely able to slip me out of the feeding tent without alerting guards or our fellow trainees, surely they’d come for us soon. 

“Hey look it’s a Leo!” Rave said tracing his finger along a particular alignment of stars.

“We should be getting back, the general would be mad,” I mumbled.

How easily I could have slit his throat within a matter of seconds, but then that’d result in both of us getting slaughtered. All I remembered was the general’s warm breath travelling down my neck, the phrase had barely been a whisper, yet the brass execution of the words was enough to send shivers down my spine.

“Or else, he dies.” he sneered. Every glance, every order he made was of pure loathe and hatred whenever I was called upon. That was when I knew we were no longer safe, we had to escape.

“C’mon enough daydreaming,” I said, grabbing his wrist and standing up.

“But mommm, I want to watch the stars more." he groaned, barely mature for his own age.

“We had plenty of time to dawdle. Unless you plan on staying here and getting shot in the head.” I snapped.

His head dropped to the ground in resignation as he slowly made his way behind me.

“You didn’t even make a wish.” he muttered sadly. But little did he know I had made a wish, while the grass was poking at my back and he was staring contently up at nothing. I hate the stars.

Creeping through the back of the tent, we slowly went back to our seats, thankfully unnoticed. General never bothered to accustom any washrooms so our break wasn’t all that suspicious. As deported trainees, already a strict and unforgiving mannerism was picked up from him. Nobody dared disobey him after the first trainee kill. 

Forcing the swallow of dull, slimy soup I replayed our plan in my head. Simple enough, while on the raid after we get their camp gate to open, we run. Run to the nearest refugee camp in the area or at least a safe place, taken from a quick glimpse at general’s map. Worst comes to worst we both end up dead, but if only Rave can escape…

Cut from my thoughts, a puking sound emerges from Rave’s table where he himself is puking. As I stand up to assist him a firm hand on my shoulder prevents me from doing so. It was a guard, once back in my seat he walked over to Rave and began muttering some words. Knew I should’ve called for cancellation for his spot, but he insisted. 

Getting an eviction notice is not fun. And being a single mom doesn’t make it better, so I have made up my mind to enlist in a military camp and ditch the lowlife retail job. Too bad Rave saw my documents, he was 2 years underage at the time but since he was a boy the camp had been lenient about it, unfortunately for me.

After all the tables and soup is cleared we head to our sleeping tents to get some shut-eye. Tossing and turning, I struggle against the itchy surface. I need the energy for tomorrow. We had to escape. Dawn had just begun to settle in before I slept, but not only a few minutes later a guard came in and called upon us to get it. Groggily I changed into my assigned clothing and stepped outside.

Most of the male troops were gathered already listening to the general blare on details of the raid. Watching as his dark grey hair stuck all out and his eyes travelling through the crowd. Desperately I look around for Rave but he is lost in the sea of other trainees. This hasn’t been our first raid, but it would sure be our most important one. 

Once his obnoxious speech was over, we all salute and began marching toward our destination. Fear gripped the edges of my mind. What if something went wrong? What if the general hears about our escape and seeks us out? 

It felt as if 2 hours had passed by before we reached the camp. By now the sun was high in the sky and cooking us all but none of us had wasted time hoisting each other up the cement wall. Taking one last look at the curved wooden gate, another female trainee hoists me up and I am inside the camp. Already some bystanders are screaming and their alarm starts blaring. Where was Rave? Regardless, I run towards the gate, wanting to open it first. 

Giving it a hard push it wouldn’t budge. I scan the two towering sentry posts. Only one guard is in one from the looks of it, perhaps a switch for the gate is in there. Slowly, I climb the ladder until I am able to peek inside. Indeed, one guard stood peering out through the window, as if anticipating more troops. Strangely there are no weapons inside except a barbed baton sitting on a small table. Attempting to stay quiet I set a foot down on the barely stable surface but he whips his head around. 

Spotting me, he makes a dash for his weapon as I scramble my way off the ladder. Right before he swings his baton down, I dodge it, get up, and kick him square in the chest. Making him stagger back. Since this was one on one combat I decided against using my gun despite it getting the job done quicker, instead, in a swift movement, I grab his neck in a chokehold and squeeze.

“Please!” he gasped. “I have a family,”

 Holding on a little longer, I loosened my grip then let him topple to the ground. He takes long gasps of air before looking back up at me.

“How do you open the gate?” I demanded.

“Second drawer to the left.”

Sure enough, there had been a small switch and upon flipping it, the gate slowly began to open. Just before going down, I toss him a food bar from my carried ration. “Gotta stick up for family somehow.” I breathed, almost to myself. He nods, however, in agreement and I make my way down.

Already Rave is pacing worriedly beside the gate as I hop off the ladder. He lets out a sigh of relief and I slap his back before bolting outta there. Kept checking my back to see if anyone has noticed us but nobody was trailing.

“Hey wait up!” Rave shouted.

“Oh c’mon, you’re not telling me you’re slower than your old lady?” I teased.

Sensing the challenge he began to pick up the pace and soon overtakes me. Could almost taste the freedom as we chased each other. But as I ran after Rave who was getting farther and farther away and seemed to be only a speck now, a familiar firm grip clasps my shoulder making me jerk back.

Fortunately, I had been able to catch myself before I stumbled down and was face to face with what seemed to be an authority figure and two male troops behind breathless. How had I not heard them earlier? One of the guys behind him swung yet a similar baton as the sentry guard and just by a hair I had been able to dodge him this time. Without thinking I take out my small shotgun and shoot the shoulder of the still authority figure. Before he could react, the bullet hit his shoulder and he cried back in agony, clutching his arm. The same guy who swung the baton dived for me causing the both of us to hit the rough, deserted ground but with him pinning my head. The other guard came back with Rave and a knife to his throat.

“Let him go!” I scowled. “Have me, just let him go,”

By now the presumed authority figure has gotten up and strutted his way towards me. “Oh, this someone you now?” he said, flashing a devilish grin.

“I said, let. Him. Go!” I began thrashing my body about trying to get away but the guard held his grip. The man flicked his gaze to the guard holding Rave then towards Rave. My blood ran cold as he slowly began to slice at his skin causing some blood to start leaking out. I watched helplessly as Rave sucked in a breath, face painted with fear.

“He’s my son!” I blurted out. “He’s, my son.”

“There we go, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” he said. “What a fine structure for a young age, perhaps we should keep this one.”

“No, unless you let my mother go,” Rave retorted.

The man and the two guards let out a hearty laugh. I didn’t mind the gesture but from the thin, pressed line of Rave’s lips, I knew he wasn’t going to have this. The man and the guards barely had time to recollect themselves before Rave elbowed the guard holding him in the side of his face, and reached for his own shotgun. Soon all the laughter seized as he shot at the guard holding my face down. Wet, thick, blood oozed on the left side of my uniform but before I could kill the authority man myself he had already withdrawn a pocket knife of his own and threw straight for Rave.

I yelled, screamed, I tried to do something. But nothing came out except a dry yelp. Was it fear? Or contentment he showed before it hit him? The knife had landed smack dab on the left side of his chest. Too close. Dangerously close, to his heart. I felt tears streaming down my face as I rush towards him, but I didn’t get the chance. Something yanked at my neck as my collar was held back. 

“Ray, take this brat back to base. Already caused us enough trouble” he coughed.

Without a word, I felt my hands getting handcuffed and the same firm grip on my shoulder that closely resembled that of the old guard. Tried glancing back at Rave’s helpless body but was immediately redirected by the guard’s hand on my head. But even through the short glimpse, and despite my denials, I knew he was done for. Not a stir was made, he was just lying there, along with the other guard with blood pooling around the both of them.

All the freedom, all the hope, was gone. Along with the only thing I love. Arriving back at the new base I had to resist my urge to gag. People I knew, people I laughed with, all strewn on the ground with blood surrounding them just as it did with Rave and the guard. The whole thing pretty much a bloody massacre. 

“Tie her up for the night. I don’t think she is suitable for her upcoming position at the moment,”

“What position?’ I asked, bleakly. Scared and numb I wasn’t looking forward to any more occupations.

“Why, as my personal maid.” he smiled. My stomach started to churn as it too, felt disgusted.

Ray seemed to have to lead me to the heart of the camp as we passed many bystanders and troops who gave nasty looks. There lay about a dozen of wooden poles and a skeleton beside one of them. What kind of prison-like thing was this? Nonetheless, he tied me up with some form of rope and gave me a good hit with a baton.

“That was for Dale.”

And with that, he simply left.

Hadn’t but a minute of sleep since he left. My mind kept running through the horrid event. I’ve tried to slip through the rope or get it to break but it was no use. Moonlight dimly lit the area and not a bystander nor guard wandered to or fro. Until very faintly, the sound of footsteps hurriedly walking started to get louder and louder. Frantically I look around trying to locate the source. 

There, to my left, came a large silhouette and from the looks of it, seemed to be a man. He walked closer and as the light revealed more and more of his features, he seemed ever the more daunting.

“It’s- it’s you!” I stammered. “The sentry post guard!” 

“Glad to make your acquaintance once more. Though sadly, I do have to refrain from inflicting harm because of your future part,” he said.

“You sick bastard, why are you even here?” 

“Oh just for some chit chat. Heard that son of yours was left dead out there,” he replied, almost casually. The same twisted feeling came back as when I first saw Rave getting killed.

“Are you done?”

“Listen here,” he said, grabbing my chin with his forefinger and thumb. “I slaughtered my family. Stabbed and left them for dead in front of dozens of people watching. Not a word of goodbye or remorse.”

Silence.

He continued “I was just like you, ignorant, selfish, stupid. I bet all that ran through your mind was the taste of freedom and how soon you would lavish in it. Of course, it had been on command, you know how general’s are, but I too had wanted to escape this treacherous place. And look at us both now, alive and fairly well.” 

“Easy for you to say. You’re not tied up.”

He let go of the grip and stood back up. “Well at least you didn’t kill the someone you love, don’t dwell on it too much.” he said now walking away.

I watched as he turned his back and entered a tent not far from where I was kept. Sighing, I close my eyes trying to fall asleep once more. But all that I saw was Rave. How I had failed him. How I could’ve done more. God, I missed him. Missed him so much I’d take the risk of running away again just to find him and tell him and tell him I’m sorry, even if he was gone or dead. 

“He’d probably hate me.” I chuckled.

The moonlight shone ever the more brighter as it glared on my eye. I look up. No, it wasn’t the moon. It has been a shooting star. The dull ache I had been feeling increased. 

I still hate stars. 

I will continue to hate stars.

Up above where billions of flaming balls of light sat. I hate them. I hate them so much.