12 o' Clock

It was this same ball that she first made her big appearance, a decision we both had come to regret. She would dance so beautifully catching the eyes of everyone that saw her, all the women would envy and all the men would leer. But it was here she first caught his gaze. The man who became her first love and also her first heartbreaking tragedy. Of the other lifetimes she had avoided him, maybe it's not going to be so different in this one. But it seems to only be wishful thinking as there she was, however this time the stage wasn't for her to dance but another's.

This time her eyes weren't the one that locked with the man her tragedy. It was our eyes that met, yet this time her's lacked the radiant shine like they used to, it's as if they are far off somewhere else in years that can't be comprehended but that is not possible. It couldn't be that she remembers does she no, all those past lives were different. But would it be so wrong to think that in this life maybe the answer for her not to suffer is for us to be together?

It's hard trying to escape each time trading one fate with another, but what other choice is there? The endless heartbreak and the life of agony and being broken over and over till there's nothing left but a crumbling sandy form of self. But maybe just maybe he could be of some help. Although there hadn't been much done for him in return he has always been there. He might have thought nobody would notice, but somebody did.

It feels wrong to have to use him again, but to end this nightmare disguised as a fairytale opportunity. Will he accept? Of course what a stupid question he would, but that doesn't make it any better. He's someone with so much compassion to give but it must be hard every time for him to watch his compassion turn to ruin. Probably blaming himself every time for something he could not control.

She came up with a determination making a preposition, it's not like she needed to ask for anything she wanted would be hers. But what was most surprising was a proposal that we should get married. Is this try? then why doesn't it feel right, there is no look of love in her eyes like the others. It's a look all too familiar to one crossing business to survive.

Maybe it would be too selfish, too selfish to expect her love, when it had done nothing but ruin her. But getting to stay by her side like this maybe it might be okay to have the selfishness of wanting. It might be for the best lest we come to regret loving and it ruins us both. She'll be safe even if the love remains one sided, she still deserves to be loved.

So our arrangment began, he became a shield once more, even though he said he didn't expect love it's hard to tell with living with a man who treats someone that's no more than a contractual guest like a queen. Actually in contrast to the caring treatment he gives, he seems to carry an unknown loathing to those around him. Whether it be those in his manor or particular persons of business even down to the crown themselves. He seems a lot darker from his past lives, but seems to try and hide it when it's just us.

Her heart seems closed she won't talk about her struggles, although she always hated to impose on others. But this was different, this was more guarded her secret. Yet she's not afraid to face anything head on, although he past treats which are many still lurk about. She can now handle herself, it's relieving to see her stand on her own feet as much as it's concerning.

It's an overwhelming feeling, that one day she'll leave for good. But it's too much to ask for someone who attributed to her struggles. She's strong and not any mere damsel whose to wait for her help to come. Yet, why does it make her even more lovely, but this was only just the beginning to this new her. It almost feels like cheating, would it be wrong to pursue even if we agreed not to?

This fate was changed for another's, and someone else is suffering in the life that would have been. It would be wrong to say that they didn't deserve this but it doesn't feel satisfying as well to watch someone else in the same suffering. He tells me to let them go but it just doesn't feel right to let this go on. Although they have committed many wrongs nobody deserves this.

His heart' gone soft again and in brief moments he's himself again. But it seems like he knows, it's too hard to tell, how to ask how to know? Who is he, this is not the him he used to be. A heart that seems to freeze over at a moment's notice to then thaw into the man he used to be. Was this arrangement all a mistake is the fate going to repeat? It's the same like the others yet so different.

Every step closer she seems to push away, her eyes would give in and then dull again. This back and forth between love and searching, who is it which one is it? Can she remember, then again is their even a her that remembers. She always seems to search for something then leaves. It's hard to understand what she's looking for or thinking.

Her words are strange, and in the night she cry's, and reaches out for someone. But who is the one she reaches for, our hands would entwine and she'd be fine again. There's no leaving her, but would she leave? It's hard to think let's not think, let's live in the little moments we have.

He knows but pretends not to but why? and why does it not feel so wrong that he remembers and still stays. All the other times he must have known as well. It's conflicting but why, why does he continue why doesn't he just leave with no regrets?

Both mind and heart want the same thing, but it can't be allowed we can't love it can't happen. Seeing him in his world it's so vast, we'll eventually have to end this and he'll find the woman he loves the most. But why is their envy growing for an unknown woman is a mystery. She'll fit much better in this life that can never happen. Maybe we should end this early and not deal with the pain later. It might be for the best.