There is no answer

Mrs. Gupta looked like someone had peed on the school emblem and she couldn’t stop them. Her look strengthened Sonali’s resolve as she continued, “Don’t work too hard. You don’t have to change the world to justify your human existence. Who remembers all the winners of last year’s Nobel Prize? Nobody. The highest award in the world and within a measly 200 days the winners have already faded from memory. Some might say but you’ll make people’s lives better and that’s worth it. Sure, if it makes you feel better, yes, it might be worthy. But every solution brings with it its own set of problems. Any and every idea has its dark side. The sooner you realize and accept this harsh truth of life, the better umm well, better prepared you’ll be.” There was a stunned silence in the auditorium. This was definitely the most unconventional alumni speech ever.

Mrs. Gupta was the most expressive but the other teachers who had been in the school when she was a student were equally aghast. “Is this the same Sonali? What happened to her?” One whispered to another, “Did she suffer some catastrophic failure? She was amazing at everything at school!” There was a third comment from the back, “Except at sports! One should play sports. It builds character. This is what happens when you don’t play sports.” 

Mrs. Gupta couldn’t help but recall the events of the past few days. She had read about Sonali’s accomplishments in the newspaper- she was a part of the team which had developed an app to gamify exercise and cleaning the city. And they had achieved unprecedented health and cleanliness levels. She had reached out to Sonali and expressed the school’s interest to honor her accomplishment. Sonali had been one of her best students – Sonali’s approach towards math often helped her fall in love with the subject all over again too. And she was an amazing speaker- well read, thoughtful and articulate. She shuddered as she realised that she was actually excited to hear Sonali talk to the current students. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that she had imagined the students resolving to become engineers and saving the world too. But she would have never anticipated this turn of events. She considered her options – should she just wait and see where Sonali goes with this? A person can’t change so much, right? This might be one of those modern unconventional marketing speaking techniques. But it has already gone too far. She really should go and stop her. What should she do?

“Mrs. Gupta, what was your vision when you decided to become a teacher?” The question shocked her out of her dilemma. She opened her mouth, a force of habit, and realized that she would have to go to the stage and use the microphone for the students to actually be able to hear her. It felt like the decision had been made for her but she did not really feel in control as she walked to the stage. She tried to form her response in her head but she was already at the microphone, “Education is the best, one of the best tools that we have to fix and shape the society and contribute to the world.”

“So, everyone should become an educator? Or is everyone inherently an educator as all of us teach something to someone else, right?”

“Yes, yes, everyone is a kind of educator but what we do in school is different. We are a lot more involved and we take full responsibility…”

“So the student’s learning is your responsibility and not theirs?”

“No, of course they get to choose what they want to do, we take the responsibility of making sure that they become the best version of themselves.”

“And who decides which is the best version of them?”

“We decide together through discussion and reflection.”

“So if a student insists that they will achieve self-actualisation by staying in the Himalayas, playing a guitar and smoking weed, you would support that?” Loud gasp had always felt like an expression before this but now Mrs. Gupta knew that it was a real thing. Her brain was struggling to process the fact that someone had said weed in her school assembly. And that someone was one of her best students. And someone she had invited to talk to the students. Oh and someone she had just honoured and spoken highly about like 10 minutes back.

“Sonali, I don’t think this is the appropriate forum for such words and discussions.”

“Of course, no, I didn’t mean any harm, honestly. I’m sure most of you have heard the Steve Jobs speech. If I remember right, the speech is a chapter in English, I think in Grade 10. The whole ‘Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish’ and ‘Connecting the dots’ and ‘Don’t settle till you find your passion’. I don’t blame him. He mentions the dark and ugly side of things too – how he was so poor that he slept in a friend’s dorm and walked miles to a temple for a decent meal a week but we tend to gloss over those things, those are minor inconveniences. They feel like obvious and rampant issues that everyone has to deal with, till it happens to you. It is really hard not to get sucked into them when things start getting tough and there is no redemption in sight.”

She looked at Mrs. Gupta, this time her face was unreadable. But it seemed that it was the right expression to prompt her to continue, “Actually you know what’s worse, even if eventually things do go well and you figure out what you want and you get it and you like it, this whole culture of never settling and always working and hustling will never ever let you rest. You will always be worried – is this the right thing for me? And insecure – am I doing enough? Am I good enough? And jealous – I should be,” and she actually make air quotes as she says this, “inspired by them”. She takes a deep breath, “But you know what, work is cathartic. It is a human need to feel needed and important. To feel like we’re contributing. This can take any form. And I am so glad that I have tools like computer science and electronics in my toolkit as they let you solve any problem, no matter how big, starting from anywhere with almost no resources. I love that power and that sense of possibility. All I’m saying is, don’t forget the basics. Be kind to yourselves. Don’t lose sight of what the human condition is about. Everything is temporary. Just be, well, I was going to say happy but that’s so cliché and another social pressure actually like, you know what, be miserable. It’s absolutely okay to be miserable. Everyone is miserable once in a while, actually, you’ll be miserable a lot more often than you’ll be happy. So make friends with misery. Just be well, learn how to care the right amount. Don’t become a cynic; we have more than enough of those. But don’t care so much that you start putting everything else above yourself. Actually, you know what, there is no answer, there is no one right answer. Each one of you is going to have to figure it out for yourselves. And to let you in on a secret, most of us adults haven’t figured it out yet either. If anyone says they have, they are lying, sometimes even to themselves. So take everything that others tell you with a big pinch of salt, I never actually figured out how that came to be an expression but you know what I mean. Go figure it out. And try to find some fun company while you’re at it. Thank you.”

She didn’t know what she was expecting after that speech but the silence felt weird. Like she hadn’t just gone bonkers on the stage. And when Mrs. Gupta called on the head girl to continue with the assembly and the routine continued, she felt even more out of place.

Soon, Mrs. Gupta was walking her out, neither of them spoke. A student approached them from behind. Mrs. Gupta thought, “Of course the little rascal loved the crazy speech, I can’t believe I’m putting Sonali and Sakshi into the same category!” Sakshi said,” I’m just asking because I have nothing to lose and of course I’ll completely understand if you refuse. But the idea of having such a cool and powerful toolkit and the sheer playfulness of it, sounds really cool and I think I’d really like to learn how to code. Will you teach me?”

Sonali took a moment to process what the kid had asked and for the first time since the news coverage of their work had started, she smiled.