Daniel Fitzsimmons Jim Gaffigan Tribute Comic

Daniel Fitzsimmons wrenched up his face and exclaimed “Hot Pockets!” causing the small crowd of comedy seekers to explode with laughter.

At that moment with the waves of laughter rolling over him, Daniel couldn’t imagine being any happier. The stage, the laughter, it was all he ever wanted, and it was perfect.

#

“Good morning, Dan,” said Nick as he stepped to the entrance of Daniel’s cubicle.

Daniel started to say, “Good morning, Nick,” as he turned his attention from the dual monitors on his desk, but it just so happened that after he had got out “good morning,” his head had turned enough so that he saw a gorgeous girl with indescribably beautiful green eyes standing next to Nick, and his brain just stopped. So, he wasn’t able to get “Nick” out, which luckily didn’t cause Daniel any issues because as I’m sure you’re aware just saying, “Good morning,” is a perfectly reasonable greeting.

While Daniel was trying to get his brain moving again, Nick said, “This is Carla. She’ll be joining our team.”

Daniel’s brain quickly hopped into gear, and he stood up, smoothed out his tie, and said, “I actually prefer Daniel,” as he shook Carla’s hand.

Carla smiled and said, “Pleased to meet you, Daniel” and then Nick was whisking her away.

After just a quick glance after Carla, Daniel sat back down at his desk and did his best to push any further thoughts of her out of his mind and focus on his emails, but he wasn’t highly successful.

#

Daniel was sitting at his normal seat in the breakroom eating his lunch, which today was leftover eggplant parmesan, scrolling on his phone, when Carla asked, “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

Daniel was of course mid bite when she asked him this question because that is just how these things go. After closing his mouth and lowering his fork, he said, “Sure.”

While Carla was taking her seat, Daniel asked, “Nick isn’t taking you out to lunch.”

“He said, he had a meeting but will take me somewhere tomorrow.”

Daniel nodded his head and said, “Good thing you thought to bring something.”

“I try to always be prepared.”

Daniel liked that, and hewas getting ready to ask Carla what she had brought, when Erik walked in and said, “Dan my man, how was your set this weekend?”

Daniel started to say, “Good,” but Erik spotted Carla and said, “Oh hello, you must be new.”

Carla smiled politely and said, “Yes, I’m Carla Vaughn.”

“Erik Mitchell, nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“Since you’re new, I guess you don’t know about Dan’s little hobby.”

“It’s not a hobby,” muttered Dan as Erik quickly said, “He’s a Jim Gaffigan impersonator.”

Daniel said, “I’m not an impersonator. I’m a tribute comic.”

Erik looked at Carla with a smirk hoping she would also see the humor in Daniel’s response, but she just stared at him blankly. So, he quickly said, “Anyway, I have a meeting I need to get to. Carla if you ever have any question about how this place operates, I’d be happy to answer them.”

“Ok,” said Carla flatly.

After Erik had grabbed a Diet Coke and left, Carla asked, “What’s a tribute comic?”

“Have you heard of a tribute or cover band?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s like that just for a comedian.”

“Oh ok. Is there a certain comedian you cover.”

“Jim Gaffigan, have you heard of him?”

“No, sorry, but I’m not really into comedy.”

“That’s ok.”

“What type of stuff does he do?”

“It’s mostly about food and family stuff, like he has this one bit about how stupid it is to buy bottled water when you can get it for free out of a tap.”

Carla gave a noncommittal, “Ok,” and Daniel quickly said, “It’s much funnier when I do the whole routine.”

“I’m sure.”

“But, uh, what made you want to work here?” said Daniel as he tried to get the conversation moving in a positive direction.

“It’s really good reputation, and I liked the people I interviewed with.”

“Who did you interview with?”

“Nick, of course.”

Daniel nodded and said, “Yeah, and you’ll like him. He’s a good boss.”

“That’s good. I also interviewed with Sarah and Abdul.”

“They’re both really cool. You’ll like working with them.”

“That’s good.”

Then, Daniel checked his watch, and said, “Looks like I have to get back to work, but it was good talking with you, Carla.”

Carla said, “You too, Daniel,” and a little bolt of happiness shot into Daniel’s heart.  

#

Daniel’s cat, Mosby, an adorable, soft grey, domestic shorthair, was curled up in a tight little ball fast asleep on Daniel’s plush couch when the front door opened. Awoken from his slumber, Mosby lifted his head just enough that one eye was able to see Daniel walk in and put his stuff down. After ascertaining that Daniel warranted no further observation, Mosby put his head back down and tried to go to back to sleep.

As Daniel walked towards his bedroom, he gave Mosby a welcome gentle little rub on his head.

After showing and changing, Daniel made himself a smash burger with roasted potatoes and a spinach salad. Then, he settled down in front of his TV to eat and watch Monday Night Football, while occasionally giving Mosby a head rub.

#

Daniel was back sitting at his normal seat in the breakroom eating his lunch, when Carla walked in and said, “Hey, Daniel,” to which he replied, “Hey, Carla.”

After she sat down, Carla asked, “What are you having today?”

“Chicken Paprikash.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s basically chicken with a smoked paprika and sour cream sauce.”

“It smells amazing.”

“Do you want to try some?”

“You know it.”

After having a bite, Carla said, “That is delicious. I wish you made my lunch.”

“I could send you the recipe.”

“That wouldn’t help. I’m a horrible cook.”

“Maybe, I could show you how to make it one day.”

“Yeah,” said Carla as she unwrapped her turkey sandwich.

After a beat, Daniel asked, “How’s your first week been?”

“It’s been good. Everyone is super nice.”

 “Oh, I meant to tell you,” said Carla excitedly. “I watched some clips of Jim Gaffigan last night, and he is really funny.”

“Which ones did you watch?”

“I watched the one about bottled water, which is funny like you said, and the one about Hot Pockets, which is hilarious.”

“I love his Hot Pocket one. It’s usually my closer.”

“I really like how his jokes are just funny. They aren’t like political or preachy, they’re just funny.”

“That’s what I like about him too. His jokes are just timelessly funny.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m actually doing a set tomorrow night at the Laugh Shack, if you want to come check it out.”

“What time?”

“I should be on around 9.”

“I think I can make that.”

Daniel said, “Cool,” as a little butterfly of hope and joy fluttered in his stomach.

#

Daniel wrenched up his face and exclaimed “Bacon!” to a roar of laughter.

As the laughter died down, Daniel thanked the audience and walked off stage doing his best not to glance at Carla who was sitting a table with a few of her friends in the middle of the room. Then, he made his way to the bar where he ordered a beer.

After a few minutes, Carla came over and said, “You were so funny.”

“Thanks.”

“I like how you mixed it up and didn’t close with the Hot Pocket joke.”

Daniel smiled, and said, “When I saw you in the audience, I had to mix it up.”

“Well, it worked,” said Carla as she gave Daniel a warm smile.

Daniel smiled again with joy just swimming throughout his body and took a sip of his beer.

“My friends and I were thinking about going to Liquid Alchemy after this, would you want to come?”

“Sure.”

#

After the final stand up, Carla introduced Daniel to her friends, Abbie and Jess, and they headed out.

As they were walking to Liquid Alchemy, Abbie said, “You had a really good set.”

Daniel said, “Thanks,” and after a brief pause, Abbie asked, “Have you ever thought about writing your own jokes?”

As Carla shot an angry look at Abbie, all the joy that Daniel was feeling flooded out of his body, and he said, “I have, and I did. They just weren’t that good.”

Abbie said, “Oh,” and they walked on in a silence until Daniel said, “I’m actually feeling pretty tired. I think I’m going to call it a night.”

Carla quickly said, “Come on. Just have one drink with us.”

Daniel said, “Maybe another night. I’m just really tired. Thanks for coming to my show,” and started to walk away.

After giving Abbie another dirty look, Carla ran after Daniel and grabbed his arm as she said, “Daniel wait.”

Daniel stopped, and Carla said, “I’m sorry about Abbie. She can be a real idiot sometimes.”

“That’s ok. I get that question a lot. It’s just…”

“It’s what?”

“I was just feeling really good. My set went well, and I was excited about getting a drink with you.”

“You were?”

“Yeah, and her question just took me out of the mood because I just don’t get it. Why do people care if I don’t write my jokes? Tons of comedians have other people write their jokes. Actors just read lines other people write, and tons of musicians sing songs other people write. What I do makes people laugh. Isn’t that enough?”

“It should be.”

“And, I tried writing my own jokes. I tried for years and years, but people just didn’t laugh, and one night, I was just so tired of bombing that I did a Jim Gaffigan joke. And, people laughed. They actually laughed, and it felt so great. But, immediately afterwards I felt horrible because I had stolen a joke, and comedians aren’t supposed to do that. So, I tried going back to my jokes, and I bombed again and again. So, finally I just thought, if musicians can cover bands and songs to get cheers, why can’t I do it with a comedian, and I figured as long as I acknowledged that these were Jim Gaffigan jokes it was ok. So, I started doing it, and people liked it. I got laughs, and I started getting gigs. And, it’s great. It’s what I always wanted.”

“That’s great. I’m glad for you.”

“And I don’t want to go to Liquid Alchemy with you. It’s too loud. I want you to come back to my place, and I make us something to eat. And, we just talk because I’d really like to get to know you better.”

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“Cool.”

“Just let me tell my friends bye.”

Daniel was so surprised by what had just happened all he could say was, “Ok.”

As Carla said good bye to her friends, Daniel just stood there feeling even better than when a crowd of people laughed at his act.

Then, Carla walked back over and asked, “So, what are you going to make me?”

Daniel said, “I don’t know. What do you want?” with a large smile plastered on his face.