My all night Scavenger Hunt

CJ invited me to a tackle football game on the beach. The teams were made up of Shags, Daniel, and Doug against CJ, Micah, and myself, 3-on-3. CJ was our QB. We led 6-3; in this game, a TD was worth one point. The first to 20 was the winner.

They scored 6-4 us. A long throw into the river served as their Kick-off. The river was in play. CJ was the only one willing to get wet. Even in summer, the river was still cold. The dunk tackles after swimming took their toll on our QB. We scored only one more time, and when they scored to make it 10-7, Daniel called for it to be halftime. I said that would have to be the game for me. Daniel decided he’d run into town to get food to roast. While waiting, CJ decided to wade into the river to “soak” his aches. I asked if the water was cold, “Is the water cold? It’s cold; I’ve been in it all afternoon." I said, “Good,” as I slowly stepped into the water, “my sore knees could use the soaking.” “Smartass,” I heard him say under his breath. 

They relocated to the beach located next to the Rec Center in town and invited me to join them. I noticed CJ and his family were still on the beach with a nice fire by the Rec Center. I got out of the car, and CJ yelled at me, “We’re going to finish our football game here. "Are you in?” No, pointed at the bay and said, “That water looks cold.” "Smart ass,” CJ yelled. Shags drove up in his old sled of a car. CJ yelled at Shags “Park behind him; we’re going to throw him in.” He parked behind me as I climbed back into my car. I hadn’t parked too close to the logs that served as barriers between the road's shoulders and the beach, and with the Festiva’s small turning radius, I waved to CJ with a silly grin on my face; “That’s okay; that water looks freezing,” As I drove away, knowing I had escaped a sure toss into the bay I heard CJ yell something about me being a smartass again. 

I wasn’t working then, so my wife and I were lying in bed watching the Tonight Show. It was summer, so we had the window open. I noticed the dogs were restless in the neighborhood that night, so I turned the TV up so we could hear Johnny Carson and his guests over the dogs barking. The Carson show was almost over when someone rang our doorbell. “Who could that be at this time of night?” my wife asked. I don’t know.” I said. I pulled on some trunks. I was wearing a white T-shirt and trunks when I opened the door. CJ and Daniel were standing at my door. CJ said he was late getting home and asked if I could give them a ride? Could I say no? Of course not. I went to the bedroom to let my wife know who was at the door and that they needed a ride home. I grabbed my socks and shoes and picked up the keys to my Camry; CJ and Daniel were waiting just inside the door. Daniel asked what car we were taking, “the Camry,” was my reply. “Why not the Festiva?” he asked. “Because it has a hole in the muffler, and I don’t want to disturb the neighbors." 

CJ said, “It’s okay. That car has a nice stereo we can listen to on the way home.” We piled into the Camry, and I slowly backed out of the driveway. As I did, I noticed my Festiva was sitting on blocks, missing all four tires. I looked at CJ and asked, “What’s going on?” He smiled and said, “You’re going on a scavenger hunt.” I pulled back up into the driveway and looked over my poor little Festiva sitting on blocks, not auto blocks, mind you; four chunks of wood separated my car from the cement driveway.  

“Okay, how does this work?” I asked. CJ handed me a styrofoam cup, saying, “Solve the clue, and you will get the tires back.” I pulled out a slip of paper from the cup and read, “It’s as plain as the nose on your face or the _____ _____ _____ _____?” Fill in the blanks was my instruction. “Blank, blank, blank, blank.” “If I fill in all four blanks, do I get all four tires back?” “Just figure this one out and find out.” As I stared at the paper, Brady turned the corner and saw me standing there with CJ, Daniel, Shags, and Doug. Shags, and Doug came out of the shadows when I was handed the styrofoam cup. Brady parked in front of my house, jumped out, and asked me, “What bet did you lose this time, bud?” 

“Not a bet; CJ said I was going on a scavenger hunt. I’m holding this clue.” Brady looked at it, looked at me, and said, “We can help you, but it’s going to cost you.” “Cost me,” I said naively, “my wallets inside the house.” “We don’t want your money,” Brady said. “What do you want then,” I asked skeptically. “We’ll fill in the blanks for your T-shirt.” “For my what?” “Your T-shirt.” “Let me look at this some more, see if I can figure it out.” Not having a clue (well, the slip of paper), I finally relented and removed my T-shirt. The last word is “head,” Brady told me. So, if I fill in all four blanks, I get my four tires back?” I asked hopefully. Since he had given me one word, I worried about what the other three words would cost me, too. “Figure it out,” Brady told me, you’ll see. Somehow, I filled in the other three words, “as plain as the nose on your face or the roof over your head.”  I looked up at my roof. No tires; I walked to the side of the house and saw one lone tire on the roof's edge on the northwest side. Someone grabbed a ladder, and I climbed up the ladder to get the tire down. When I reached the tire, I saw another styrofoam cup. There was another clue on a slip of paper inside the cup.  

I handed the tire down, grabbed the clue from inside the cup, and read, “This vehicle doesn't have any wheels unless you're taking it down the road.” My neighbor had a small boat in this driveway; I looked in it anyway; there was no tire. Across the street, another neighbor had an old fishing vessel parked in front of his house; I went over to it and looked, but still no tire. Brady, seeing my frustration, chimed in, “We can help you, but it will cost you.” “All I have are my shoes and socks, trunks, and skivvies left,” Brady answered, “Shoes and socks don’t count tonight, bud.” Crap, I thought. “So, you want my trunks?” “If you want the answer,” Brady laughed. I handed Brady the slip and somehow got my trunks off over my shoes while Miah cracked up as he watched me disrobe. Standing there in my tighty whities, I was told, “How about Brady's boat?” Brady lived a few blocks west of my home, so I walked to Brady's truck to get in. “What are you doing?” “Aren't we driving down to your boat?” “Sure, but no one is driving.” Taking in a deep breath, I started my stroll down to Brady's. We started the scavenger hunt close to 1:00 AM, so it was pretty late when my cohorts and I began our walk down the middle of the road to Brady's house, me wearing only my underwear.

In the back of Brady's boat was my second tire. Another styrofoam cup was safely tucked in it. I grabbed the cup and read the clue. It was a clue I knew the answer to, so it wouldn’t cost me this time. Brady said, “It’s kinda cold, so I’m going to go in and get a jacket.” “Cold?” I scoffed, everyone chuckling as they looked at me standing in the middle of the road in my underwear. “Yes, cold, and I want to wake my son up; he shouldn’t be missing this,” Brady retorted.

As far as I could tell, only CJ, Brady, Daniel, Shags, Doug, and Miah had been witnesses to my scavenger hunt so far. Porch lights were on, but no one was ever seen. We waited for Brady to come back out of his house.  Brady seemed to be taking forever. After what seemed like forever, he came out his front door wearing a jacket. “I couldn’t wake him up; too bad he’d enjoy this.” “It’s getting cold out, so I grabbed my jacket.” “You're cold? What about me,” He told Miah to carry the tire, “He’s getting old, and he shouldn’t have anything to hide behind.” Miah laughed as he reluctantly grabbed my tire.

For the first time in my life, they let me take the lead walking back to my house.  Oh yeah, the third clue read something like, “This is where you record events on fall nights.” I knew immediately that it was the crows' nest on the west side of the football field where I took stats for our high school football team.  Miah was told to grab the ladder again because they knew it would be needed.

As we waited for the ladder, a cop car turned onto 7th Street. I hid behind my van. Still using the van as a shield, the officer parked by Brady's truck rolled down his window, and this deep, low voice asked, “What’s going on?" Brady and CJ walked up to the cop car. After a short chat, I heard, “Hey bud, come over here; I need to talk to you.” It was Keith Allan Jr., better known as Junior. “I don’t want to,” I said. “Just do it,” Officer Junior ordered me. Junior was my cousin, first cousin, as it turns out. He was CJ and Brady's cousin, too, though Brady, CJ, and I weren’t related. I emerged from behind the van, instantly noticing Junior wasn’t alone. He had a passenger. She saw me wearing only my briefs, and I swear she gasped and put her face in her lap.  

Officer Junior, may he rest in peace, asked, “What’s going on, bud?” “I am on a scavenger hunt,” I said. “Trying to get my tires back,” I continued, “Maybe I should report a theft or a burglary, or whatever this is." “Okay,” “but I’ll have to take you to the station to complete an incident report.” “You don’t want to do that, do you?” “no,” I agreed. With a big laugh, he said, “Go find the rest of your tires.” Now I knew what Brady and CJ had said to him and the passenger. They didn’t tell him how I was paying up to solve the clues, though that was briefly apparent. I was happy not to have been handcuffed and hauled off to jail for indecent exposure. 

 ‘Miah showed up with the ladder by then. My entourage and I headed for the crow's nest on the west sideline of the football field. Sure enough, there on the very top of the crow's nest was my third tire. I climbed up the ladder, climbed on the wobbly arm rail, and, leaning over, precariously grabbed the tire. Unfortunately, the styrofoam cup with the clue flew away. I scrambled down the roof and then down the ladder as quickly as I could. I grabbed the cup; it was empty inside. The six of them pretended to look for it as I desperately searched for it. I knew what I had left to pay with, so I desperately looked for the clue, hoping to avoid the inevitable. Dogs all over were barking. Brady joked, “I hope they aren’t waking anybody up.” 

There was no clue to be found. CJ said, “I know what the clue says,” and Brady quipped, “We’ll tell you, but it’ll cost you.” I looked at CJ, “I know what he wants,” nodding to Brady, “and I know you didn’t plan it to go this way. But if it’s what you want, I’ll do it.” CJ had planned the scavenger hunt, trying to call his brother Brady all evening to ask for input. He was out of town; it was a coincidence that Brady turned the corner as I parked my Camry next to my tireless Festiva. CJ looked at me, then looked at Brady, then back at me, and simply said, “Do it.” Then, it struck me funny when they all turned their back on me as I removed my briefs, giving me the fleeting sense of dignity that would soon be lost. Brady told me I had to give them up. The clue is, “ X marks the spot where we have activities on the activity center calendar.” CJ was still working for the program that printed the calendar. As I stood wearing only my socks and shoes, CJ said, “There’s a calendar hanging on the teen center door,” "Are we driving there for me to look?" “We aren’t driving there,” Brady said, “we’ll be walking.” “Let me think about this,” repeating the clue out loud, “I know, it's volleyball by the Rec Center.” “That’s right, good memory,” CJ said. “Let’s get going,” Brady said, “it’s getting late.” The next stop is the volleyball net on front beach next to the Rec Center. 

Walking towards the beach, Daniel said, “I didn’t think we’d be up this late. I never thought we’d be with you naked.” "It wasn't a thought I had either," I said.

As we neared front street, we could hear a vehicle. Brady said, “The fishermen are on their way to work. This should be fun.” Now, up to then, the only people outside the group to see me were Junior and his passenger. When faced with being seen by someone else in a truck, I was not sure who would be more embarrassed, the six of them walking with me naked or me walking naked with them. As the truck neared, the six formed a fan around me, blocking me from being seen by whoever was in that truck. The funny thing was, it was years later before I realized that Brady took so long in his house because he wasn’t in his house at all. He went in the front door, out the back, made his way to the football field, and took the last clue out of the cup, thus assuring I would have to pay up and bare all but my feet. 

We got to the volleyball net, and underneath it was a big X drawn on a piece of plywood written in sand. I was given a shovel to dig it up. Everyone grabbed a seat to watch me dig. CJ helped move the plywood, and I started digging. A little while into it, Brady laughed, “It’s cold out, you’re naked, and you’re still sweating.” CJ gave me a break and dug some for me. I got the tire out of the sand. Brady told Miah to carry it for me again. He hesitated, saying, “We need to get his shoes and socks off, too.”  “Time to head back,” Brady said, “but we aren’t going back the same way we came.” Handcuffed at the Cop shop raced through my brain again. Brady took us down a street in front of my Mom and Dad's home, where my nephew lived with them. Nothing, so on we went. At the corner of Jay and Back Street, we heard a party where Steve C. was living in his rental house. “You got everything you need to put your tires back on,” Brady asked me. “Yes,” I again said stupidly. “Think about it,” Brady retorted. “I got all four tires; what else do I need?” “Think hard.” “Lug bolts,” “I don’t have the lug bolts,” I said defeatedly. “You’ll find them at that party,” Brady said, pointing to Steve’s house. I said, “But I’m not dressed properly for a party.” The group laughed took pity on me and led me down the street on the way back to my home.

Back at home, my car was still without four tires. In the back seat were my underwear, trunks, and t-shirt. I put them on, and I was told that someone had my lug bolts. If I wanted them, I’d have to guess who had them. “If I’m wrong?” “You know the drill. My first guess was wrong. Off came my T-shirt again. My second guess was wrong, too, so off came the trunks. My third guess was Daniel, who was visibly upset; I guessed right. I guess he wanted my briefs off again. He handed them over in a styrofoam cup. Inside the cup were the lug bolts and another note, “Next time, maybe you won’t be such a smart ass.”

Brady told the others to help put the car back together. He said, “This was fun. What can we do to him next time?” “Next time? What could be worse than this?” I said, “We can make it worse,” Brady said. “I don’t think so,” I retorted. “Next time, it could be 4:30 in the afternoon instead of 4:30 in the morning.” “That would be worse,” I agreed. Brady left,. CJ and the rest put my tires back on. CJ asked me, “When we took the tires off, we noise, and the dogs all started barking. Didn’t you hear?” I said, “Yes, but we were watching Carson, so I just turned the TV volume up to drown them out.” I told Daniel that if it was me holding the lug bolts, I would have lied, knowing that would have cost the underwear again. ‘Miah said, “Yeah, you should have lied; we could have gotten his shoes and socks too.”

The day was starting to dawn. inside, my wife asked me if I was alright? “Barely,” I chuckled. Most people’s reaction to being put through this ordeal would have been anger and extreme embarrassment, with the emphasis on em-bare-ass- ment. My reaction? Like Sally Fields accepting her Academy Award, “They like me, they really like me.” If they didn’t like me, why would you put me through this egregious experience? They did this kind of thing to each other all the time, but until now, never to me. I felt I was entirely accepted into the group.