Against the grain

Violet tinged clouds scurried overhead as the crisp Autumn breeze taints the morning air with the subtle scents of peak hour. Smoggy exhaust mingles with the intoxicating smell of hot coffee and fried food as she waited for the city bus.

Her eyes water from the rush of the passing traffic as she pulls her blazer tighter around her...another day as part of the mundane. The sounds of frenzied honking and lead-footed drivers only added to the unpleasant atmosphere.

The sharp nudge of an elbow from the pudgy, impatient man beside her spurred her out of her sleepy daze as she registered the city bus that had pulled up before her. With a stifled yawn she shuffled forward with the line, swiping her bus pass at the sensor point as she...like the other sheep followed one another into the vehicle. 

After being sandwiched firmly between the cool glass window and the chubby man from earlier, the young woman stifled a sigh. Her chipped orange fingernails, the last reminder of her summer played with the delicate metal spelling ‘ Christine’ that hung loosely around her neck.

Despite the fact that the day had barely begun, fatigue seemed to gnaw at every fiber of her being as her phone, contained safely in the backpack between her feet began to buzz for the day. Ignoring the various messages and requests she knew were waiting for her, she instead chose to look out the window at the passing scenery.

Looking past the gridlocked roads and cookie-cutter suburban housing she instead looked towards the mountains. Their far off silhouette’s a distinct periwinkle blue in the early morning light. If she closed her eyes she could almost imagine she was there. Easy, slow hikes with friends and family down the twisting creeks and scribble gums she knew so well...perhaps munching on freshly picked apples or hot pastries.

The memories were so real, so fresh that she could almost hear the calls of the local birds as they went about their day. The loud cawing that seemed to come from right next to her had Christine snapping her eyes wide open in alarm as she looked out the windowpane. 

An almost amused looking magpie stared back at her, it’s dark eyes staring at her with an emotion she couldn’t quite pinpoint. It was simply perched on one of the many birch trees that dotted the road islands. Its head cocked as it listened to something her ears couldn’t pick up on. As it deftly flew away, she marveled at the unique patterning of its wings. The typical black and white texture was broken by one silvery grey feather, pigmentless.

Despite the constant stopping of the bus and the erratic road conditions, she found herself relaxing on the way to university for the first time in a very long time. How she kept sighting this bird she didn’t know, but apparently, it was heading into the city as well. 

As they went through a tunnel she finally decided to just brave a quick glance at her phone, surely she wasn’t expected to answer anything until after her morning coffee?

Various notifications crowded her home screen, covering the daily inspirational quote that changed each day. Today she could just barely glimpse the word ‘freedom’ and the silhouette of a bird flying next to a sunset...the calming scene interrupted by news alerts and text messages. Emails from work and uni reminders had her swallowing roughly as she felt her heartbeat pick up.

Dealing with what she could, she spent the next few minutes replying to various people and ignoring depressing news stories until finally, she got to the not so subtle uni reminders that stared back at her like some ugly beast, lurking in the dark...just waiting to catch her off guard. 

It was no secret to anyone that knew Christine well that she hated her uni course. The expectation for her to take over her family's accounting firm had her parents not so subtly encouraging her to study the double degree of Commerce and Business she was currently partaking in at the University of NSW. 

She knew, despite her circumstances, that her soul wanted to soar with the birds like on her wallpaper or be left to let her creativity run free as she painted the stunning landscapes of greater Sydney. She wasn’t meant to be caged into a monochrome world of numbers and legislation while her wings longed for the vibrant colours of a sunset, or the vivid shades of Autumn...away from the city.

As the bus lurched around a tight corner she swung her gaze upward to watch the scenery race by as suburbia subtly morphed into the big smoke. The magpie she had seen earlier flew between the half-constructed buildings that dotted the freeway. Unlike its fellow feathered friends who crowded amongst the bus stop floor picking at scraps the distinct looking magpie, it’s grey feather shimmering proudly in the pale morning light swooped high above them...uncaring and proud that it went against the grain.

As if sensing her thoughts, the magpie turned and made eye contact...it’s gaze startling intelligent as another bus passed and it disappeared from sight.

Within 20 minutes, 20 minutes of staring out the window as she attempted to psych herself up for the day the bus finally rolled to a stop at the QVB. Shuffling off the bus, like the obedient citizens they were, Christine broke apart from the crowd and simply leaned against the cool stone of the Victorian styled building.

People from all walks of life strode past her, hurrying to various places whether it be the formally dressed business people or the casually, hipster dressed uni students. A couple of school kids ran past, giggling as they pushed at one another...dropping chip crumbs as they chatted animatedly. A strange sort of sadness gripped her at this. Was it the freedom they represented? Was it the childhood memories she craved to relive? Perhaps it was simply the emotional element she missed. The opportunities and choices she had, the flexibility. 

Tears watered at the corners of her eyes as she pushed off the building and headed to the small coffee booth that had been sitting in front of the building for as long as she could remember, even her Dad had gone to this kiosk in his corporate days.

Within a couple of minutes of casual small talk and a few dollars later, she had a steaming hot coffee with two danishes to fuel her through till morning tea. 

Flat-headed pigeons and battered-looking seagulls scattered around the litter that swirled down the grimy streets while the strange-looking Ibis’s lived up to their nickname and rummaged through overflowing bins. Magpies scurried around her feet, picking at crumbs and leftover food.

That scene by itself made her a little sad, although she couldn’t quite pinpoint why. Looking away from the scavenger birds she instead looked straight ahead, only to glimpse the grey feathered magpie once again.

Without actively moving, she found herself following the magpie...despite its movement in the exact opposite direction of where she was headed. Instead of heading into the city center and towards town hall, it flew across the road down towards the darling harbour bridge. 

As she scurried across the road, avoiding angry drivers she swore the bird looked back and tried to smirk. She didn’t know what drove her to follow the distinctive-looking animal yet some subconscious part of her clearly had a mission. Maneuvering around slow walkers and waiting pedestrians she hurried down the various alleyways of the city until she finally arrived at the Pyrmont bridge. The breathtaking view of the sun sparkling off the wide, sapphire coloured expanse of water had her scurrying down the stairs, past crowds of awed tourists as she headed towards the water. 

The sun’s gentle yet comforting rays embraced her like a lover’s hug as she settled down on the wooden planks that made up the various ledges leading down to the water’s edge. The more aggressive sounds of the city faded away leaving the call of the birds and the gentle lapping of the water against the pier in its place. 

Despite knowing that she was going to be ridiculously late for uni, her ability to care about this fact had reached an all-time low. Spreading her legs out straight in front of her, she aimed for maximum sunlight exposure as she sipped at her coffee and began to get out her breakfast as she watched the familiar-looking magpie in front of her sunbath from its perch on the pier railing. 

Her few moments of peace as she sipped at her steaming coffee and savoured her sugary breakfast had her mind finally calming...her body finally relaxing. She didn’t know how long it had been since she wasn’t rushing from somewhere or doing something, whether that be for uni or work. For friends or family. Just sitting and taking alone time had her breathing normally for what felt like the first time in years...like that first breath of air after getting tumbled by the surf.

The rustling of the wind against the papers in her backpack lounging adjacent to her had her returning to the present as she spied the multiple assignment briefs currently half sticking out of the bag. Chewing her lip softly, she grabbed the topmost one and flicked her eyes across the title...only to have the surprisingly strong sea breeze rip it away with a flourish.

Her surprise had her sitting there mutely in shock as she watched the paper dance amongst the few bits of rubbish and dead leaves a few steps below her, near the water's edge. The mesmerising dance of the brilliant white, mixing with the decay and death of the city had Christine stuck to her spot, unmoving despite the fact that one of her assignment briefs was currently dancing away from her, precariously close to the water’s choppy edge.

Her movement to get up was swiftly interrupted by the grey feathered magpie, it’s flight elegant as it landed amongst the grit and rubbish. It’s sharp claws and beak ripping through the paper as if it thought it was food. Once realising it’s mistake, it looked up at the sad-looking young woman with annoyance shimmering in its dark eyes. 

Christine was so taken aback by the pure emotion this bird was capable of that she almost laughed aloud, until the bird started heading towards her. It’s careful steps so unlike the frantic scurrying of most of the other birds that dotted the city streets.

With a quick burst of speed, the magpie swooped at her, tearing off a piece of her pastry before it doubled back and flew directly above her now tattered assignment brief. The beat of its wings sending the bleached paper further down the pier, onto one of the tourist barges that sat docked on the harbour.

It’s joyous sounding call as it swept above the sparkling sea and headed out towards the ocean had Christine’s eyes drifting in that direction as she smiled to herself at the cheek of the bird. A sparkling poster, flapping slightly in the salty breeze piqued her attention.

‘ Free photography tour 9am, May 8th, 2022, Pier 38,’

With a small smile, Christine zipped her bag shut, muting notifications before chucking her phone into the depths of her bag as she grabbed her remaining danish and coffee as she headed towards her new plan for the day. She refused to be an obedient sheep for a moment longer, she wanted to live...not just survive.